The Unfinished Files
by mrsgunsage
Summary: Everything I've ever written, but never completed. Multi-fandom extravaganza.
1. An Introduction

Hello! I am the world's worst fanfic author, and I guess this project will prove it just by the sheer amount of unfinished works I have spanning the past 9 years of my life.

Please notice... I am NOT including Arranged in this Unfinished Collection, because I swear on my beloved Toothless plushie that I WILL FINISH THAT STORY. I may need to see Dragons 3 to get that final push of inspiration, but I WILL do it. I am so sorry I've held you captive for like 2 years with that story, I WILL finish it even if the trade off is I can't write anything else ever again. I am that determined to finish Arranged be cause I love it that fucking much! And if you're reading this on AO3 instead of FFdotnet, Arranged WILL migrate over there once I actually finish it!

Everything else I'm about to post… man I sure HOPE inspiration will hit me one day and I'll finish a few of these, but considering some of them haven't even been opened since 2012, it's doubtful.

And yet I can't bear to delete any of them. They meant something to me at some point in time and I can't just throw that away, so I've decided to share it with you all. Yes, even all of the Twilight stuff that 2018 Me is like, "Sage… the fuck were you drinking when you wrote this shit, girl?"

Consider this a look into the evolution of a fanfiction author over a decade of their life. My style has changed, my characterizations have changed, my fandoms have shifted… 2009 Me and 2018 Me are two totally different bitches, y'all.

Some of these are multi-chapters. I have a couple of Twilight multi-chapters that actually got quite long but I never posted a word of them because my greatest fear was always losing a story before I finished it. (Fucking Prophetic!) Some of these are one-shots that got SO CLOSE to being done and I just can't find the ending in me anywhere. Some of them are songfics for songs I haven't heard in YEARS now, but at the time that music sparked something in me that I couldn't let go of. And I'm a total whore for a good songfic, so that happens a LOT more than even this collection would show you. Some of my songfics never even get out of my head at all.

This is all gonna be unedited in any way. You're gonna get all of the shitty mistakes, poor word choices, run on sentences, half fleshed out ideas, and weirdness as I originally typed it all out. I'll try to give brief end notes of when approximately I was writing each piece and any other little bits that are stuck in my head about them. I'll try to post them roughly in order as well, oldest to most recent.

Thanks for indulging me in this delving of the shit that haunts my Unfinished Files (which Holy Fuck as I typed that I decided to call this whole project that instead of Unfinished Collection), and I want you to let me know what you think. I don't need the spelling and grammar stuff pointed out to me (hello, unedited) but tell me where you think it should have gone. Tell me what you think would have worked better. Who knows, maybe one of your comments will be the spark I needed to finish one of these stories, or if you really really love it and want to take it on, let me know and I'll let you adopt it as long as I get credit for the original concept.

Much Love,

Sage


	2. Lethal Beauty, Chapter 1 (Twilight)

**Bella**

I never thought I would subject myself to the spotlight. For most of my life I was content to fade into the background, but now I was willingly taking center stage. I was getting ready to walk onto a soundstage at American Music Television to film a performance and interview segment for their anti-Valentine's Day special _Femme Fatal_.

I thought it was a great concept when we were first approached. A show of many different genres by female artists dedicated to the women who didn't want to hear sappy love songs on Singles Awareness Day for whatever reason. Our mix of hurt and pissed-off was highly coveted by the producer and the exposure would be phenomenal for us.

Leah and I would perform our newest song, give the interview, and then introduce the video of our breakthrough song before scurrying backstage for an autograph session. In theory it sounded completely simple for a woman who'd been actively performing for the past two years, but this was a far cry from the bars, clubs, and open-mic performances we'd been haunting up until 6 months ago.

"Jesus, Leah! How the Hell did I let you talk me into this? You know that everybody we've been trying to avoid for the past two years will end up seeing this, right?"

Leah tossed her once again long and glossy black hair over one shoulder and smirked, "Good! I hope Sam fucking _chokes_ on it, Bells. I don't know if your ex is the type to watch this channel or not, but hopefully he sees it and he fucking chokes on it, too!"

The make-up girls were buzzing around us wanting to do last minute touch ups, and I heard one mutter to the other that we were nothing but bitter little cock-teases.

I quirked my eyebrow and scowled at her to let her know she wasn't as quiet as she thought and she flushed to her hairline. Thankfully Leah hadn't been paying attention! She would have gone ballistic and she still had trouble controlling her phasing if she was completely pissed.

The make-up girls closed in on us, smudging Leah's liner a bit more to give her the classic smoky look that accentuated her huge almond shaped eyes so well. They dusted me with some shimmer powder to offset my translucent complexion and brushed more of the cranberry colored gloss I favored on my lips.

Leah smoothed her burgundy lace tank top so that she was showing what she referred to as "optimal drool-inducing cleavage proportions" and adjusted the waistband of her jeans so that the garnet stone in her navel piercing wasn't covered.

I looked down at my own clothing to verify everything was in place, and had to smirk a little to myself. We didn't always do this, but today we'd deliberately picked colors and accessories that represented our lost loves.

Leah confided early on that she wore so much maroon and burgundy because Sam always told her he loved how it looked against her dusky skin tone. The garnet in her navel ring was the setting from the engagement ring he'd given her shortly before he imprinted on Emily and left her in the dust without a backwards glance.

I re-checked the ties on my midnight blue satin halter. In one of our earliest shows, I'd inadvertently given a bar full of frat boys quite a view when my halter came untied because of my guitar strap. I'd double knotted it today to avoid a repeat of that humiliation.

The blue stood out beautifully against my pale skin and contrasted nicely with my topaz jewelry. The top was provocative, but not so hoochie that I felt self-conscious in it. My leather skirt was shorter than anything I would have worn two years ago, but I was used to wearing minis now. The topazes were my painful reminder, much like Leah's garnet.

Once we started getting paying gigs as studio musicians I bought myself a full set; necklace, bracelet, earrings, navel ring, and a huge stone I wore on my left ring finger. It was my passive-aggressive side coming out. I knew I would never have his diamond on that finger, but I couldn't bear to leave it empty. I would never accept a ring from any other man; keeping that finger occupied let people know I wasn't available. Leah had done the same thing, but she wore an onyx to remind her of Sam's jet-black hair and eyes.

Leah's voice pulled me from my memories, "Bells, leave your damn hair alone. You're pulling the curls out and the stylist is giving you the cat-butt face again."

I dropped my hair and my hands wrapped around my middle. I looked to the side and saw out of the corner of my eye that the scars Victoria had given me were visible on my shoulder thanks to the powder that had been dusted over them.

"Maybe I should grab a different shirt, Lee. My scars are showing in this one…"

"Mine are too, Bells. Once again… I hope Sam and Edward fucking chokeon it. You wouldn't have the ones on your shoulder if Dickward hadn't run off on you like a spoiled little brat, and I wouldn't have mine if Sam wasn't such a hotheaded fucktard. Let 'em show."

I looked at the left side of her midriff and saw that her scars were indeed very much visible. If her reflexes had been any slower that day she wouldn't be here with me.

The stage manager bustled over to us and gave us the three-minute warning. I lost myself back in my memories of the day Leah got her scars, trying to keep my thoughts off the performance I was about to give.

 _Leah decided to confront Emily about being a man-stealing whore. She understood the imprint meant Sam didn't have any choice in the matter, but Emily did. She didn't even so much as apologize or wait for Leah to clear out the drawer full of clothes she kept at Sam's place before moving in._

 _Sam heard the fight between the two women and came barreling at Leah in a blind rage. He phased on the fly and swiped at her. She jumped back and he caught her across the side with the tips of two claws. She phased and tore into him even though he was far bigger and heavier than she was. Normally he would have overpowered her easily, but her rage was out of control and she ended up forcing him to submit or have his throat ripped out._

 _Something shifted between them when she won that fight and he no longer had the ability to force her compliance with his Alpha authority._

"Places, girls!"

I jerked back into the moment and grabbed my guitar before following Leah out onto the stage. The host of the show was giving our intro and the curtain started to part. The count sounded in my ear bud, and Leah picked it up with her drumsticks, tapping them against each together to get the rhythm for our band.

My fingers began to play almost of their own volition, and Leah's clear voice followed smoothly. We traded lead singing duties depending on the song, and this one was hers.

 _I took a chance, I took a shot_  
 _And you might think I'm bulletproof but I'm not_  
 _You took a swing, I took it hard_  
 _And down here from the ground, I see who you are_

Our voices blended seamlessly together as I came in on the harmony.

 _I'm sick and tired of your attitude_  
 _I'm feeling like I don't know you_  
 _You tell me that you love me then you cut me down_

 _And I need you like a heartbeat_  
 _But you know you got a mean streak_  
 _Makes me run for cover when you're around_

 _And here's to you and your temper_  
 _Yes, I remember what you said that night_  
 _And I know that you see what you're doing to me_  
 _Tell me, why?_

 _You could write a book on how_  
 _To ruin someone's perfect day_  
 _Well, I get so confused and frustrated_  
 _Forget what I'm trying to say, oh_

 _I'm sick and tired of your reasons_  
 _I got no one to believe in_  
 _You tell me that you want me, then push me around_

 _And I need you like a heartbeat_  
 _But you know you got a mean streak_  
 _Makes me run for cover when you're around_

 _Here's to you and your temper_  
 _Yes, I remember what you said that night_  
 _And I know that you see what you're doing to me_  
 _Tell me, why?_

 _Why do you have to make me feel small_  
 _So you can feel whole inside?_  
 _Why do you have to put down my dreams_  
 _So you're the only thing on my mind?_

 _I'm sick and tired of your attitude_  
 _I'm feeling like I don't know you_  
 _You tell me that you want me then cut me down_

 _I'm sick and tired of your reasons_  
 _I've got no one to believe in_  
 _You ask me for my love then you push me around_

 _Here's to you and your temper_  
 _Yes, I remember what you said that night_  
 _And I know that you see what you're doing to me_  
 _Tell me, why? Why? Tell me, why?_

 _I take a step back, let you go_  
 _I told you I'm not bulletproof_  
 _Now you know_

The in-studio audience gave us a standing ovation when the last note rang out. We put our instruments down so we could wave to them before heading over to join the host, Kevin McDonough, on the set.

He met us at the edge of the flat with his hand out to help us step up.

"Lethal Beauty, folks! Give these girls another round of applause, because they are going places!"

Leah and I both thanked him before seating ourselves for the interview segment. I was worried about this. We tried to keep our back-stories out of the public eye as much as possible, but due to the nature of this show we'd have to be a bit more forthcoming than normal about ourselves.

"So, Leah and Bella… big things have been happening these last six months, right?"

Leah gave him her patented press-friendly smile, "We've been very blessed. Haven't we, Bella?"

"Yes, this is more than we ever dared to hope for."

I decided Kevin McDonough reminded me very much of a used car salesman. His smile was too perfect. His tone was too friendly. He tried to touch us often, even when we shifted away. You could almost sense his desire to pounce on any perceived weaknesses we might show resting just under the surface of his overly cordial veneer…

"Well ladies, we're doing an Anti-Valentine's Day show and your music is almost custom-tailored for it. You two always play coy and pass it off when you're asked, but I think we'd all like to know… what happened to turn two pretty girls into broody singers of man-hater songs and break-up ballads?"

Leah almost looked a little bit like a used car salesman herself. She was definitely better at dealing with the press and interviews than I was.

"Broken hearts, Kevin, what else? My ex-fiancée left me for my cousin, and Bella's ex-boyfriend just vanished… _as if he never existed_. She didn't even rate a "Dear Jane" letter from him."

These were our slightly modified covers. We couldn't explain imprinting or vampires in an interview, obviously.

"Not even a letter, Bella?"

I was fighting to keep my smile natural looking, but the pain ripped through my chest as it did any time I had to discuss Edward and I winced slightly.

"Not even a Post-it Note telling me to go get lost in the woods."

I couldn't resist a little snark sometimes. Leah smirked at me before turning back to Kevin.

"Well, I'm sure every male in America, Canada, and parts of Europe will join me in thinking both of them were complete idiots and you two deserve better. Now, what made you chose Lethal Beauty as a group name?"

Leah smiled again, but it wasn't her Pretty-Princess-Meets-the-Press smile. It was her I-Can-Rip-Your-Jugular-Out-and-Use-It-Like-A-Wallet-Chain smile. Kevin recoiled slightly with a look of confusion on his face.

"Just because we're pretty doesn't mean we're helpless little damsels, right Bella?"

My own smile felt less forced and more predatory, "Certainly not. Our security manager has insisted we learn Krav Maga and we're both working on our third-degree black belts in Tae Kwon Do."

"Ummm, wow… so we don't have to worry about you girls while you're out in clubs, huh?"

We both chuckled and shook our heads.

"Would you girls like to send your Anti-Valentine's dedications out? There's no revenge better than naming names on AMT!"

I was about to decline, but Leah put her hand on my knee and gave me a look.

"Sure, why not? Sam, I hope you're seeing this. She may seem like she's perfect, but we both know she isn't. I hope you regret what you threw away every day for the rest of your life, but one day I'll find a real man and I'll never think of you again. Bella?"

I almost panicked. I knew there was no way I could say his name out loud without breaking down, and I was not about to cry for him on national television. I knew the chances of him seeing this program were almost zero, but I needed to let him know, somehow, just how badly he'd really hurt me. I squared my shoulders and glared at the camera, my voice dripping ice and anger.

"You broke me. You did it deliberately and cruelly, so I won't even give you the satisfaction of your name crossing my lips. Thank you for curing me of my unrealistic belief in love; I finally believe what you said. It doesn't exist."

Kevin smiled his oily smile at me, and I cringed away slightly. I hoped I wouldn't have to speak to him after the show, because men were highly predictable. Once they learned I had no interest in ever dating again, they became determined to be the one to change my mind.

"Well, ladies, it's been a pleasure. Your first album is coming out when?"

I decided to let Leah field the rest of this interview unless a question was specifically asked of me.

"March 1st, and we'll be touring this coming fall. We'll also be at The Listening Room for Open Mic Night on Valentine's Day, trying out some songs we're considering for our next album."

"Would you two do me the honor of introducing your video before you leave us?"

We smiled and spoke in unison, "Hi, we're Lethal Beauty and this is _Breathe_."

We waved again as we left the stage, but as soon as we cleared the curtains my knees buckled. Leah caught me handily and yelled for our security manager.

"Garrett!"

His cold hands cradled me gently and his burnt copper eyes were sympathetic.

"I gotcha, Bells. I'll get you back to the house, babe."

I closed my eyes as the world blurred around me. I knew there was no way human eyes could follow Garrett, so I let the tears go. Five minutes later, I was feeling cried out and Garrett was leaping up onto his third story balcony. He sped down the stairs and deposited me on my bed before checking his chiming phone.

"Leah just texted. She told the fans at the autograph session you got sick, and since you looked so out of it during the interview they all bought it. She's getting their contact information so you can send autographs."

I nodded, "Thanks, Garrett. I was about to lose it."

"I know, kiddo. Remember, I know exactly how you feel. The bond between mates doesn't go away just because he chooses to ignore it. Katie's been gone 17 years now and I still feel it all the time."

"I know. Thanks for understanding, Garrett. I think I'm gonna take a nap until Leah gets back, OK?"

I truly intended to get some rest, but I wasn't able to. My mind wandered back over everything that happened after my life fell apart.

I was practically catatonic for the first four months after Edward left. Jake tried to fill the hole, but refused to understand I couldn't give him more than my friendship. Charlie was convinced Jake could "fix" me if I let him. I know he thought he was helping me, but the constant pressure from the both of them drove me to the breaking point.

Then Sam imprinted. Leah and I bonded over being the sullen girls with man-hater reps, while Jake and Embry became the friends who couldn't accept they'd never be more. The harder they tried, the more we began to resent them. Leah understandably wasn't about to attach herself to a wolf who hadn't imprinted on her again, and I simply had no heart or soul left to give to another man.

It all came to a head when Charlie sat me down for an intervention one morning before he was supposed to leave for work. He told me I would get over Edward and give Jake a chance, or he would send me to Florida.

I reminded him that as an adult I didn't have to do anything he said. I told him I wouldn't be with Jake if he was the last male on the planet and humanity would die out if we didn't reproduce. He told me I was a spoiled, whiny, ungrateful little bitch just like Renee, so I told him to fuck off. I went upstairs to grab as much clothing as I could fit into my two suitcases, my toiletries, my guitar, and my bankbook.

After closing my account, I stopped in at the school. Mrs. Cope started to scold me for being late, but I told her I was withdrawing and wanted a copy of my transcripts. I saw her surreptitiously dialing her phone while she was waiting on the documents to print, and I was pretty sure she was calling Charlie. I didn't really care. He couldn't prevent me from leaving.

My plan was to drive out to La Push and leave a message for Leah with her mom letting her know I'd call her once I found myself a place to settle and got situated back in school, but I drove up on the screaming match between the cousins in the Clearwater's front yard.

We left about four hours after Leah's fight with Sam, and decided spur of the moment to drive to Nashville. We'd already written a few songs just to mess around and we figured we could play starving artists for a while and see if anything came of it.

Victoria caught up to us in Oklahoma; I thought we were both going to die in a hideous and painful manner. She used my body as a barrier between herself and Leah's savage claws. Every time Leah tried to feint around me, Victoria used her teeth to cut me. I had about eight cuts on my shoulder and neck before she got tired of playing. She put her teeth to my throat and ordered Leah to phase back unless she wanted to watch me bleed out. I shook my head, hoping Leah would understand that I was going to die no matter what and that phasing would only ensure her own death as well. She was stronger than a human, but she couldn't contend with a vampire unless she was in her wolf form.

Out of nowhere, a male vampire descended and threw Victoria off me. For a moment, I thought it was Japer since he had the same lanky build and sandy hair. He and Leah wasted no time destroying Victoria.

When the fight was over, he introduced himself as Garrett. He held a grudge against Victoria, James and Laurent for killing his mate. I explained that James and Laurent were already dead and he growled low in his throat. It was about that time I noticed his red eyes and started backing away.

He immediately reassured us that he had no desire to harm us. He told us the story of how he'd run afoul of James' coven about fifteen years previous. James had decided that he wanted Garrett's mate Katie and fought Garrett while Laurent and Victoria subdued Katie and dragged her away.

They didn't get far before she fought her way free and ran back to help Garrett. He'd lost both legs and an arm. He was sure James was about to end him when Katie came flying out of the trees and ripped James' arms off. Unfortunately Victoria and Laurent showed up and tore her to pieces while Garrett was helplessly scrambling to get to his amputated limbs. They'd set the fire, collected James so they could put him together again, and left Garrett to watch his beloved burn.

He said he had no reason to exist outside of his vengeance and begged Leah to end him. She couldn't do it. We told him our stories, and he was shocked that Edward had walked away from me after proclaiming that I was his mate. He was also worried that Sam might come after Leah eventually since her defection could be seen as a threat to his power over the pack.

Garrett decided if we could live without our soul mates, then he could try to as well. We made for an odd little family; a vampire, a werewolf, and a human… all travelling together peacefully. It worked for us though.

We rented a three-story house when we got to Nashville. Garrett took over the third floor since he had no need of a bathroom or kitchen space. I took the master suite on the ground level and left Leah to spread out on the second floor.

The first few months we were there I focused on finishing high school, while Leah took a waitressing job during the days and we both wrote songs all night long. Garrett used that time to try to adapt to the animals only diet. He was partially successful, but he couldn't seem to help himself sometimes.

We decided to forgive him the occasional lapse as long as he wasn't killing innocent folks, and he took to looking for violent criminals one weekend every other month. His eyes became a unique coppery shade except for his "freebie weekend" as we took to calling his forays into the seedier areas of large cities along the coast.

Once I graduated and we started playing in bars, Garrett decided we needed to be able to defend ourselves against anything a human assailant could throw at us. His gift was his ability to control his strength precisely; he could spar with a human opponent without damaging them. He'd traveled the world learning different fighting styles just for fun, and he taught them all to us. We actually were well beyond our third degree black belts, but we couldn't admit to that publicly because there was no way to explain our teacher was our live-in vampire bodyguard who knew practically every hand to hand combat method in existence.

I heard Garrett coming down the stairs, which meant he wanted me to hear him. There was a gentle tap on my door and he stuck his head in.

"I'm going out hunting. Since it's not my freebie weekend I'll be heading for the mountains looking for bears. Are you OK alone until Leah gets back?"

I smiled up at him, "Yeah. I'm fine now, I promise. Go have fun, kill some bears. I've been playing with a good idea, so I'll probably be writing anyways."

He smiled at me before he shut the door, and I lost myself in the safe-haven of my music yet again.

I was just finishing the second rough draft of the song I'd had kicking around in my head for the past few weeks when Leah finally made it in the door. She tossed a stack of about twenty-five addresses at me with a grin, knowing I would feel obligated to write a note to each of them explaining my absence from the autograph session.

I smirked in return and threw my notebook at her. I left her to read it over while I went to the bathroom and then got a drink. I saw the clock sitting at 11pm and realized I'd been working for three straight hours.

I heard the soft pad of Leah's footsteps behind me just before she put her arm around my waist and her head on my shoulder.

"Think we'll ever be normal again, Bells?"

I snorted at her, "We were never normal to start with."

"True enough. Think we'll ever get over them?"

"You might, Lee; you still have a chance to imprint. I don't think I ever will. From the moment I realized he was leaving me, I became empty. You'd think two years would soften that, but it hasn't. I still don't sleep unless you or Garrett climb into bed with me, I still can't draw a deep breath without pain… You've heard Garrett talk about Katie, and even after close to twenty years, for him it's like she just died."

"What'll you do if I ever do imprint?"

"I'll stay with Garrett. He said he'd change me and we could roam together. Neither of us will ever love again, but we can keep each other company. Kind of friends with benefits for eternity, y'know?"

"With as much as you still love Edward, could you even give him the benefits part?"

"Already have. One weekend when you decided to wolf out on us, my nightmares were more brutal than normal. Garrett was in bed with me trying to calm me down and it just happened. We both felt guilty as Hell afterward; like we cheated on them or something. But we were both grateful to have that small window of time where Katie and Edward weren't dominating our thoughts."

I felt her nod against my shoulder. That was the most awesome thing about Leah, she never judged. She understood my pain, and she'd never fault me for anything that could lessen it even a little.

"The song is awesome, Bells. You came up with it because you saw him that night in New York, right?"

During our trip to New York when we signed our recording contracts, we'd gone out for a tour of the city with our manager. I happened to be looking out across Columbus Circle from our limo when I saw Edward and Alice getting into a taxi. As if he felt my eyes on him, he turned toward me. If he'd been human I would easily believe he just hadn't seen me, due to the tint on the windows and the distance between us. But he wasn't human. I know he saw me… and he turned away from me again.

"Yeah."

"You'll have to get Jason over here to practice the harmony for you and we'll get the rest of the instrumentals nailed down at rehearsal."

"I already called him. He's coming over tomorrow afternoon. Do you have any requests? You know we're supposed to plan for a set of three songs, right?"

"I want to do that duet we've got worked out, and we should do Cowboy Casanova last."

"Yep, sounds good. I'm heading to bed."

"OK. I'm gonna go for a run, then I'll turn in, too."

We said our goodnights and she headed out the back door towards the woods behind our house.


	3. Lethal Beauty, Chapter 2

**Edward**

My family quit trying to spare my feelings a year ago when I finally admitted to them the awful things I said in order to get Bella to let me leave. Before that, they'd assumed they could wear me down and I'd end up going back before she even graduated. After graduation time, they began hounding me to find which college she enrolled at so we could move there. When I finally admitted to them the reason why I would no longer be welcome in Bella's life even if I did go back the reactions, while not wholly unexpected, surprised me in their intensity.

Esme sobbed silently into Carlisle's arms, lambasting me in her mind the entire time. She lost a great deal of the respect she had for me in one instant. Carlisle, for once, didn't keep our exchange private. It was the second lowest point of my life, hearing the man I regarded as a father and mentor tell me he was disgusted with my behavior and I wasn't half the man he'd always given me credit for being. That he said it out loud when he never chastised me in front of others made it that much more painful.

Rosalie went silent for a minute, her thoughts torn between her personal dislike of Bella and her belief no woman deserved such treatment. Her anger won out; she stormed over and slapped me hard enough to knock me through the living room wall and into the hallway. For the first time in eighty years, there was no protest from Esme at the destruction of her home.

Emmett stalked up behind Rose, growling softly and his eyes were jet black. I wasn't getting any thoughts of mayhem or chaos from him, and I realized he had gone into his completely instinctual hunting mode. I stayed down, knowing that if I challenged him in any way he would attack, and I had no hope of fighting Emmett when he was like this. Rose finally managed to drag him out of the house, but he wouldn't speak to me for almost six months after that day, other than the day of the vote.

Jasper collapsed after my confession, bearing the brunt of his own anger, guilt, and pain, as well as that of everybody else in the room. He was as close to incapacitated as a vampire could get, and Alice ignored the chaos around them as she attempted to comfort her mate. When Rose and Emmett left the house, the burden on Jasper was reduced enough that he could at least get to his knees. Once it was apparent he was recovering, Alice rounded on me with a viciousness rarely seen. Before I could even blink, she ripped my right arm off and used it as a weapon. I'd heard the human expression about ripping an arm off and beating the owner with it… Alice put it into practice. She berated me verbally and mentally in every language she knew while she was pummeling me. It was approximately five minutes before Jasper was able to gain his feet and pull her off of me.

I knew he'd never forgiven himself for what happened at Bella's birthday party, and while I was sure he could read that I didn't blame him in my emotions, I'd never come right out and said it. I knew from his thoughts that he always assumed he was the reason I left her, but that day he realized it was truly my own self-loathing and insecurities that drove me from her, not his actions. I would never forget the look in his eyes as he called me a despicable coward before snatching up my pixie sister and leaving.

I stayed in my room wallowing for nearly two solid weeks after that. Carlisle finally came and ordered me to hunt. That he took such a harsh tone with me was telling of my precarious situation with the family. When I came back, they were gathered in the dining room, silent even in their minds. It was a foreboding sight to say the least. My usual "family meeting" seat was to Carlisle's right, but my place was filled with Emmett's massive bulk, leaving me with Rosalie's usual seat at the foot of the table.

I took it silently, and waited. Without acknowledging me, Carlisle laid the facts and consequences of my deception out for all to hear. He'd surreptitiously checked on Bella's welfare over the past week, getting in contact with anyone he could think of in Forks or Port Angeles who might give him information.

She was hospitalized the night we left, because of hypothermia from being caught in a rainstorm after I left her in the woods. She had become nearly catatonic after our departure. The screams her nightmares caused were heard three streets over from her home every night for months. She became extremely reckless with her health and safety. Her friends reported to the school nurse several times their worry that she would harm herself and that she had become anorexic.

There were unverified rumors of a night she'd spent in Port Angeles with Jessica Stanley where she approached a rough looking man outside of a bar, and willingly got on the back of his motorcycle.

Then there were the hospital and doctor's reports Carlisle was somehow able to retrieve. Over a course of a few months she'd acquired a broken wrist, multiple concussions, moderate malnutrition, severe clinical depression, possible self-inflicted wounds; and most disturbingly a sprained lower back from a cliff jumping incident that may or may not have been a suicide attempt. The report noted that although Bella never said she didn't want to die she did say she wasn't trying to kill herself. Her explanation for jumping off a 50-foot cliff into the ocean during a raging storm at hide tide was that she just wanted to feel something other than pain for a few minutes. The doctor who saw her at the ER was skeptical, but unable to do anything.

There were notes regarding appointments for counselors and specialists that Charlie scheduled only to have Bella call to cancel, or just not show up. There were notes regarding prescriptions for anxiety medications, sleep aids, and mood stabilizers that were never filled and personal notes from Dr. Gerandy that if there were anymore possibly self-inflicted injuries he would discuss having her committed against her will with Charlie.

Almost as troubling was her school record. Her nearly flawless GPA vanished within a quarter. She went from a model student who could've attended any college of her choosing to practically flunking out. The file was littered with notes from teachers stressing their concern about her general apathy regarding her studies and her abrupt change in attitude.

Her file from Forks ended the 15th of February, when Bella withdrew herself from school. From what Carlisle was able to determine through the gossip chains, she and Charlie had a blowout screaming match that morning, and she just never came back. Her bank records showed she closed her account that same day. Charlie never looked for her, and never spoke of her again according to Carlisle's friend at the fire department.

He then told the family that in light of everything they'd recently learned, and my willingness to deceive them into eternity, he felt it was only fair they vote on whether or not I be allowed to remain with them. He said even though he was completely disappointed and angry he could never turn me out because he was my father, so he would not vote. Rosalie piped in with an immediate no, which did not surprise me. Esme also voted no, destroying what little was left of my shattered heart. Alice's eyes were clouded as she searched the future, but after a few moments she looked me straight in the eye for the first time in two weeks and told me that although she was still too mad to be my friend she was always my sister. Jasper merely nodded his assent, but Emmett was looking at me with a serious expression I'd never seen before. He mirrored Alice's sentiments about being too angry to forgive immediately, but said brothers didn't walk away.

Knowing my disposition so well, Carlisle told me I would not insult their decision by acting like a scolded child and running off to pout until things calmed down. He said that if I had any hope of ever being more than a petulant teenager I would take this as a growth opportunity and behave as a man. I nodded, and the family stood without another word to me, all separating to their private quarters; leaving me feeling more alone than I'd ever felt in my entire existence.

Emmett and Carlisle were the first to forgive me and resume a somewhat normal relationship, but given that their mates barely tolerated me they were more reserved than they had been in the past. Esme spoke to me only when necessary, Rose completely ignored me, and Jasper returned to the withdrawn, watchful silence of fifty years ago when he didn't know exactly what to make of me.

Alice had taken around eight months before she could even look at me without rage filling her thoughts, but we were on speaking terms again and she'd even played our own version of mental chess with me a few weeks ago. I realized that she might have forgiven me sooner if she'd been able to check in to assure herself that Bella was at least OK, but she wasn't able to get anything other than a colorful blur in her head when she thought of Bella now. She consoled herself that as long as there was a blur instead of blackness that Bella was at least alive.

So here I was poking along back toward the house, there really wasn't any other way to describe my lack of speed. I couldn't exactly get motivated to head back home to my life of solitude surrounded by happy couples that merely tolerated my presence. I was still a few miles out, but I'd just started picking up the family's thoughts again, and they were all in various states of shock. Emmett's thoughts were the loudest as usual.

 _What the Hell is Bella doing singing on TV? IN FUCKING HIGH HEELS? How is she not falling on her ass in those things?_

I immediately broke into a run and covered the remaining 2 miles to the house in less than 20 seconds, which had to be a record even for me. I burst into the lounge only to see my family transfixed by the sight on the TV. Bella and a woman who looked to be of Native descent were singing and playing instruments. It was a music video, instead of a live feed, but seeing her again brought the long-ignored feelings back to the forefront of my being and I knew I wouldn't be able to return to my self-imposed exile again.

My own mind was in too much chaos at first to realize I wasn't getting more than tiny snippets of disjointed thoughts from the rest of the family as they worked through their own shock.

Esme's maternal eye immediately picked up on the unnatural looking angularity Bella's figure had acquired in the past two years and the dark circles under her eyes that the makeup couldn't completely cover. Rosalie, in typical fashion, was seething because Bella looked so good in a mini skirt. She was quick to tell herself not as good as _she_ did, but she admitted with envy that it was pretty close. Jasper's mind was a litany of _I'm so sorry, I would never willingly hurt you. I do consider you family, I'm sorry I ruined everything._ Emmett's thoughts were less charitable, mentally taking odds on how long it would be before Bella fell due to her stilettos or flushed tomato red with embarrassment.

Carlisle was quickly assessing her with a physician's eye. He thought her to be close to 10 pounds underweight and noted that her hair lacked its previous luster despite the gook we could see worked through the length, denoting lack of health. Her eyes looked sunken and dull to him, although he was quick to remind himself that could be a trick of the cameras and stage lights. He didn't need to be a physician to hear the pain and betrayal in the voices of both women however, and he winced slightly at the words they were singing.

It was Alice's voice that finally broke the stupor we'd all fallen into.

"Well, that would explain my lack of vision regarding her."

We all looked over to find her stooped over a laptop, mumbling about whatever was on the screen. When it was clear none of us were following her, she huffed and rolled her eyes.

"That girl is a Quileute, probably one of the shifters. I've never been able to see them."

Emmett's was the next voice to break in, "So… Bella has vampire scars on her neck and shoulder, she hangs with werewolves, and she obviously isn't happy or healthy. Good call on leaving for her benefit, Edward."

I looked at him aghast, "Scars? I didn't see any but the one on her wrist…"

"Look at her left shoulder when the camera angle changes, and on the same side of her neck. Somebody was not playing nice to leave marks like that on her."

The camera shifted to the other side of the women and my eyes locked on the side of Bella's pale throat. There were indeed eight perfectly perpendicular scars running down her neck onto her shoulder. They likely wouldn't be visible to human vision but to our enhanced eyesight they stood out clearly.

I heard Jasper whistle low under his breath and looked over to him with my eyebrow quirked in silent inquiry.

 _I just don't understand how any vampire who would torture a human that way would have the will-power to resist… even if they'd just fed._

I nodded slightly in acknowledgment of his thoughts. He was correct; any traditional vampire should have lost the will to resist the blood freely running from her throat. Which begged the question; what happened to my Bella?

I noticed that the Quileute woman had deep ragged scars along her midriff when she shifted behind her drum set. "Carlisle, the other woman has scars, but they aren't vampire. Do you think one of the shifters got to her?"

He looked for a moment before taking out his cell phone. He must have seen the confused looks on all of our faces, "I have one contact on the Reservation, but last we knew Bella didn't really have any friends there. I will see if he knows anything."

He dialed and spoke for several moments to a man he addressed as Quil. To the surprise of everyone in the room, Carlisle spoke the Quileute's native dialect. Since it was a language the rest of us didn't know, I had to gauge everything based on his facial expressions, which became somewhat troubled before he thanked the man in English and disconnected the call.

"The young woman is Leah Clearwater, daughter of one of the Tribal Elders and the only female shifter in the history of the Quileute. She and Bella became close after her fiancé imprinted on her cousin. The imprinting was involuntary, but once it happened the young man was completely uncaring as to Leah's feelings and allowed her cousin to come in and throw her things out of the home he was sharing with her."

Esme gasped, and Rosalie growled low in her throat. Both of them were very sensitive to the treatment women received due to their own pasts, and I knew this would trouble them. Carlisle placed a gentle hand on Esme's back before he continued.

"Two of the young men on the reservation became quite infatuated with Leah and Bella. Leah's parents didn't encourage her to move on, knowing exactly how devastated she was, but Charlie decided that pushing Bella to accept this other boy was in her best interests."

I felt the snarl rip out of my chest, even though I knew I had no right to my jealousy. The thoughts my family that immediately assaulted me with followed that same path. I bowed my head, trying desperately to find my composure. When I left, I wanted her to move on with another man and be happy. I never thought I'd have to be exposed to actual first hand knowledge of another trying to win her heart though, and the pain nearly brought me to my knees.

"Bella and Leah continually rejected the boys. That is what led to Bella's fight with Charlie. The boy pursuing her was Jacob Black, and Charlie is a close friend to Jacob's father. Charlie gave her an ultimatum to accept Jacob, or to go back to Renee."

Jasper's brow furrowed, "That doesn't explain how the women are together and how they ended up scarred so horribly."

Carlisle nodded, "Quil said Bella had no scars on her neck when the girls left Forks, so whatever happened to her happened after she left home. Leah confronted her cousin the same morning Charlie and Bella had their fight. Her former fiancé attacked her and she fought back. She somehow managed to beat him, which was shocking as she was the smallest of the wolves and he was the Alpha of the pack. More shocking was once she defeated him she was no longer bound to the pack mind and was able to defy his commands to her. She and Bella left that same day. Nobody knew where they planned to go, and if Leah's family knows where they are now they haven't shared the information with the rest of the Reservation."

Alice came back over from her laptop, ready to pick up where Carlisle's information ended.

"They ended up in Nashville. They've been very careful to remain secretive, but essentially they've been working in the music industry as studio musicians since the summer after they got there. Six months ago, they were signed to a record label and are becoming extremely popular. This must be the reason I had such an insistent vision of recording this television program."

We all took seats and Esme brought the show up from the beginning on the DVR. The host was a smarmy little weasel of a man. He flirted outrageously with all of the female artists he interviewed and seemed to relish getting them to share painful details of their love lives. Most of these interviews were pre-recorded segments that he followed up with a music video. Some of the songs were hopeful, some sad, and some angry. Some were performed by rock bands, some by pop singers, and even some by hip-hop artists but they all shared one common theme; broken love in its many various forms.

Finally, he announced the live performers as a group named Lethal Beauty. The stage curtain pulled away and there was Bella.

Rosalie snickered quietly and her thoughts showed her amusement with Bella's jewelry. I looked at it, not seeing anything for Rose to turn her nose up at. It was a tasteful looking set and contrasted nicely with her clothing. Alice must've seen my confusion because she rolled her eyes at me. _Honestly, Edward. You are beyond clueless sometimes._

We watched silently as the performance began. Leah Clearwater had a beautiful singing voice and you could hear the anger and betrayal the song portrayed in her tone. But when Bella's softer, higher pitch came in on the harmony it brought a tinge of agony to the song that Leah wasn't adequately capturing.

 _I'm sick and tired of your reasons_  
 _I've got no one to believe in_  
 _You ask me for my love then you push me around_

 _Here's to you and your temper_  
 _Yes, I remember what you said that night_  
 _And I know that you see what you're doing to me_  
 _Tell me, why? Why? Tell me, why?_

I felt myself falling to my knees at the look on her face as she sang directly into the camera; referencing the night I lied to her, broke her… broke myself. Her thoughts were always silent to me, but never her emotions and it was all there for anybody who knew her well enough to read her face. Pain, anger, betrayal, love, hopelessness… all of it was my entire fault.

The song ended and the women joined the oily host on his set for an interview. Both of them were clearly unimpressed with his attempts to flirt with them and answered as succinctly as possible. When he began prying into the reasons the girls became musicians Bella's face crumpled. She tried valiantly to hide it and it might have looked to be no more than a wince to a human, but I could see the utter agony that contorted her features for that brief moment.

Leah easily answered although I could hear the faint undertone to her voice. Bella's she-wolf was starting to get annoyed with this smarmy little man. I hoped she had her phasing well in hand. Suddenly, her words arrested me.

… _Bella's ex-boyfriend just vanished… as if he never existed._

Hearing the casual way Leah tossed that phrase out while staring directly at the camera as if challenging me caused yet another wave of unbearable pain to crash over me. I was already on my knees so I slumped forward until my forehead met my legs, shaking with the sobs I couldn't release. Of course, she would've told Leah every black, blasphemous thing I said to her that night. Even through a camera I saw in her deadened eyes that she still believed every word of it.

I knew I would have to hurt her to get her to let me go, if I hadn't she would have found a way to follow me. I manipulated her insecurities ruthlessly. I saw her eyes dull and film over with tears as her belief in me, in _us_ , was destroyed; it was far easier than I ever would have guessed. I was sure she would eventually realize I lied to her and that I only had her best interests in mind, but I was apparently to be denied even that small comfort. She truly believed I never thought of her as more than a passing fancy.

"Oh, God… she believed it all. She _still_ believes it."

Alice's voice was gentle and she ran her hand softly down my back, comforting me for the first time since my deplorable behavior was brought to light.

"Of course she believed it, Edward. You meant for her to believe it, and you underestimated her. You figured when the emotional aspect went away, she'd just logically understand that you lied to her. You never believed that her emotions were just as strong as yours, maybe stronger. We all tried to tell you that. She is your mate, and she feels that bond every bit as much as you do. There was never any chance of her moving on or forgetting."

The host of the show encouraged the girls to send what he called anti-dedications out. For a moment Bella looked like she wouldn't cooperate, the she squared her shoulders and glared into the camera.

 _You broke me. You did it deliberately and cruelly, so I won't even give you the satisfaction of your name crossing my lips. Thank you for curing me of my unrealistic belief in love; I finally believe it doesn't exist._

My mind shut down. I couldn't hear the thoughts in my own head, let alone those of my family. I felt my head snap to the side, and finally brought my eyes up to meet the concerned face of Jasper. I noticed there were five panicked faces behind him calling to me verbally and mentally.

 _Ed, for the love of God, can you hear us? You're scaring me, bro!_

"Of course I can hear you. You're all shouting and think-shouting at the same time. Did… did you hit me?"

Relief covered Jasper's face, "Ed, you've been comatose for the past 20 minutes! You weren't giving us any indication you could hear us at all. I'm sorry I slapped you, I was hoping it would snap you out of your trance."

"Oh. Sorry."

Emmett's voice was uncharacteristically gentle when he spoke, "You want to talk, dude? We can go somewhere far enough away that you'll be alone in your head except for me…"

"No, I'm fine. I think I'll go hunt, it's been a few days…"

Carlisle placed a hand on my shoulder and shook me slightly.

 _Edward… son you just hunted less than an hour ago._

"Are you sure, Dad? I'm pretty sure it's been a few days…"

 _Edward, you have to deal with this. You can't ignore what just happened._

"I know I can't ignore it indefinitely, but I can't even think right now."

Alice took Carlisle's hand from my shoulder.

"You go run for awhile. I'll make arrangements for us to be at her show on Valentine's Day so you can try to talk to her. I can't see what will happen because of the wolf, but at least you'll be making an effort."

I dropped a light kiss on her forehead on my way past, and bolted into the forest. I ran until I was certain there wasn't a sentient being for at least twenty miles before finally collapsing to the ground to scream out my pain.


	4. Lethal Beauty, Chapter 3

**Bella**

The night of Valentine's Day found us standing backstage at The Listening Room getting ready to perform in our first Open Mic since signing with our label. In keeping with the Anti-Valentine's theme, Leah decided not to let our stylist put her in her typical burgundy stage clothes. She was wearing a pair of skin-tight black leather pants and a silk corset in an amazing combination of warm plum shades. She'd had her hair trimmed so that it fell in shaggy layers around her shoulders and down her back.

I was wearing a chocolate brown velvet mini skirt with a cream colored cowl-necked sleeveless sweater. My hair was in an up-do with curls spilling out of the clip and around my face. The brown and cream went well with my topazes, and complimented the dark caramel highlights I'd finally had put into my monotone brown hair.

Jason walked over to join us. He was our bassist and on the rare occasions we needed a male voice he sang with us. He normally just wore jeans and a black shirt since we weren't fussy about what our musicians wore, but our stylist must have gotten a hold of him and he was looking rather uncomfortable in brown slacks and a lightweight cream sweater; which I noted just happened to _conveniently_ match my own clothing. Jamie must've also made him cut his shoulder length hair and shave off his beard.

Leah gave him a catcall, but I was starting to feel like I might pass out. I'd never noticed the reddish tones in his brown hair or the strong line of his jaw before. He even had bright hazel eyes with little flecks of gold in them. It was the last coincidence I could take and I felt my knees starting to give way.

Leah grabbed me and called for Garrett. They huddled around me in the back corner, leaving poor Jason to wonder what was going on.

"Leah… we need to fire Jamie."

"You almost pass out and all you're worried about is firing our stylist? You're fucked in the head, Swan!"

"Look at him, Leah! Really look at him, and then tell me why I freaked out!"

She and Garrett both took a moment to look at Jason before Leah gasped. When Edward stole my pictures and mementos, he'd missed one. It wasn't the best picture of the two of us, but I'd carried it in my wallet because it was a rare photo Alice had taken when he was really laughing. I'd only shown it to Leah once, but it was enough for her to make the connection.

"He looks an awful lot like Edward with his hair like that!"

A slow rumble emanated from Garrett's throat, and I placed a hand on his arm.

"It's OK, Garrett. Nobody here knows about Edward other than you and Leah, so I don't think it's deliberate on his part."

"You think Jamie may have gone through your wallet looking for a picture of your mysterious ex?"

"That isn't exactly a popular hairstyle."

"Garrett, give us a moment?"

He nodded and left the backstage area looking like an avenging warlord on a mission, probably in search of our soon to be _former_ stylist. We both knew he'd still hear our conversation, but at least he wasn't sitting right there.

"Bells, I know that had to be a shock, and if Jamie was digging through your stuff she's definitely gone. But think about this for a moment… Edward never allowed you any closure when he pulled his disappearing act. You're about to go sing a really painful song with a pretty decent look-a-like, and this could be your best shot for that closure."

I nodded and she left to go over last minute set notes with the band before we had to perform while I took a moment to compose myself.

With two minutes to curtains, I was overcome by an intense desire to move my song to last, so I ran over to Leah and the band.

"Guys, please don't hate me…"

Jason chuckled. He was the only musician who'd been with us since the very beginning when we were playing free shows in bars and he knew exactly what I was about to do. Leah, on the other hand, glared at me.

"You are not about to tell me you had one of your _feelings_ and we have to change the entire freaking set are you?"

"Not the songs… just the order!"

She gave me a get-on-with-it motion.

"OK, so we're opening with _Cowboy Casanova_ and closing with _Like We Never Loved at All_. We're leaving _Because of You_ in the middle."

The stage manager called places and we scurried out onto the stage under the cover of darkness. Leah was whispering into her headphone so the booth crew knew which lighting cues to bring up for us, and Chris, the owner, was finishing up our introduction.

Leah knocked it out of the park on _Cowboy Casanova_. She wrote it on a particularly angry day and she always seemed to be able to channel those original emotions when she sang it live. I hoped she could bring that same intensity to the recording studio, because I definitely wanted this as the lead off single on the next album. Judging by the screams and whoops from the audience it would be a huge hit.

She stepped out from behind the drums and came to stand next to me at the second mic as I took my guitar off and placed it on the stand next to me. Neither of us played during this song, and our band moved accordingly to cover us.

Our keyboardist began the intro and Leah came in on leading vocals. As always, I was amazed at how seamlessly our voices blended when we sang together. You'd never think it would be the case if you heard us speaking. Her voice was deeper and had a naturally husky quality to it. She had slightly more of a lower range than I did, but our upper ranges were incredibly similar, allowing us to create some very pretty harmonic arrangements.

I took over the lead vocals for the final verse. This part of the song just resonated with me more deeply. We both pulled an emotional response when singing it, but it was more evident in my voice. It wasn't uncommon to see people wiping their eyes at the end.

 _Because of you_  
 _I never stray too far from the sidewalk_  
 _Because of you_  
 _I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt_  
 _Because of you_  
 _I try my hardest just to forget everything_  
 _Because of you_  
 _I don't know how to let anyone else in_

My eyes drifted shut and a tear escaped to track slowly down my cheek. This was the hardest part of the song for me to sing, and it was almost always apparent I was forcing the words out through my pain.

 _Because of you_

 _I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty_  
 _Because of you_  
 _I am afraid_

 _Because of you_

Leah's overly warm arm snaked around my waist and I leaned my head into her shoulder, taking the second to gather myself and dry my teary eyes before I would have to begin the final song.

I felt her stiffen, and I snapped my eyes open to see what was bothering her. Her gaze was fixed on a table in the middle of the room and I gasped as I saw all five of the younger Cullens sitting there with expressions ranging from pity – Rosalie and Alice, to shock -Emmett and Jasper, to agony – Edward.

My heart raced and I stumbled slightly before Leah swung me around to face the back of the stage while calling for Jason to grab my water.

"Do NOT fall apart in front of him, Bella! You are better than that and we are _working_! You do not want it in the scandal sheets that you freaked out onstage, woman. Pull it together!"

Jason walked over with my water and wrapped his arm around my shoulders as I took a few drinks, "You OK, Bells?"

"Yeah, Jay… I'm fine. Just got a little overheated, I have no idea what Jamie was thinking putting me in a sweater tonight. You ready?"

He nodded and we took our places at the mic stands. Leah handed him his bass while I strapped my guitar back on. I was giving myself an internal pep talk.

 _You wanted Edward to know how badly he hurt you? Wish granted, Swan! They obviously saw the TV show and knew to come here, so show him what you got! On three… one, two, three – BREAK!_

Leah sat down behind her drums and placed her headset mic back on to give the intro to our final song and a small plug for the rest of the performers.

"Good evening, folks! Once again, we're Lethal Beauty and this will be our final song of this set. We appreciate y'all taking time to come out here tonight. The Listening Room has always been good to us, and we love coming back here to play whenever we can. We hope y'all are planning to stay and listen to some of the other performers, because we were incredibly impressed this afternoon during rehearsals."

I smiled out at the audience as Leah continued talking, carefully avoiding the eyes I felt fixed on me from the middle of the room.

"This song will be on our second album. Bella wrote it after a trip to New York a few months ago."

I heard a muted gasp in the otherwise quiet room, but I steadfastly refused to look where they were sitting.

Amanda hit the opening cord on the keyboard and the entire experience came into crystalline focus for me as I began singing. My eyes inadvertently caught on Edward's and I wasn't able to look away. I knew there was a chance that a reporter was seeing me singing directly to this unknown man in the audience with tears in my eyes. I knew there was a chance this would end up on the cover of every seedy tabloid in existence, but I couldn't drag my eyes away from his. 

_You never looked so good_  
 _As you did that night_  
 _Underneath the city lights_  
 _There walking with your friend_  
 _Laughing at the moon_  
 _I swear you looked right through me_  
 _But I'm still living with your goodbye_  
 _And you're just going on with your life_

Jason's gravelly tenor came in on the harmony and broke me from the moment. It took some effort, but I finally tore my eyes from Edward's and focused on the staging of the song. I was supposed to be pretending that Jason was the man I was singing to.

 _How can you just walk on by_  
 _Without one tear in your eye?_  
 _Don't you have the slightest feelings left for me?_  
 _Maybe that's just your way_  
 _Of dealing with the pain_  
 _Forgetting everything between our rise and fall_  
 _Like we never loved at all_

 _You, I hear you're doing fine_  
 _Seems like you're doing well_  
 _As far as I can tell_  
 _Time is leaving us behind_  
 _Another week has passed_  
 _And still I haven't laughed yet_  
 _So tell me what your secret is?_  
 _To letting go, letting go like you did, like you did_

 _How can you just walk on by_  
 _Without one tear in your eye?_  
 _Don't you have the slightest feelings left for me?_  
 _Maybe that's just your way_  
 _Of dealing with the pain_  
 _Forgetting everything between our rise and fall_  
 _Like we never loved at all_

 _Did you forget the magic?_  
 _Did you forget the passion?_  
 _Did you ever miss me?_  
 _Ever long to kiss me?_

 _Maybe that's just your way_  
 _Of dealing with the pain_  
 _Forgetting everything between our rise and fall_  
 _Like we never loved at all_

I waved to the crowd to acknowledge the standing ovation they were giving me, except for the Cullen siblings who were sitting at their table like statues, and walked off of the stage before I absolutely lost it. I heard Leah thanking the audience and promising we'd be back again very soon.

I was leaning in the corner with both hands covering my face in a vain attempt to muffle my sobs when I felt two cold arms wrap around me. I turned my face into the marble chest behind me without even looking.

"Garrett, you've got to get me out of here, please."

I felt the body under me stiffen, before a voice that definitely wasn't Garrett's hissed in my ear.

"Who is Garrett?"

I looked up, only to find myself staring into Edward's angry eyes. I immediately struggled to get out of his arms, but I couldn't loosen his grasp.

"Garrett is none of your business! What are you doing backstage?"

I was starting to panic. As many times as I'd begged and prayed to see him, I hadn't counted on the pain and anger causing me to have a full-blown panic attack. I looked over his shoulder, searching for anybody who might help me and saw Jason scowling at Edward.

"Jason, go get Garrett and Leah! I need them!"

Edward backed me into the corner, "I came back here to talk with you. We don't need your friends for this conversation."

"I can't do this right now! I can't even look at you without feeling like my chest is ripping open, and I refuse to have a breakdown in this club."

"We need to talk, Bella."

"Not right now, Cullen." Leah's voice had never sounded better than in that moment.

Edward whipped around and stared at Garrett as he and Leah came toward us, his eyes darkening to black and a growl rumbling in his chest. He turned back to me with fury and pain evident on his face. I knew immediately what thoughts Garrett must've let slip.

"You slept with him?"

"You have no right to be angry! You left me, and anything I've done since then is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!"

I tried to step out of the corner but Edward was keeping his body between Garrett and me, so I settled for glaring at him over Edward's shoulder.

"Nice job hiding those thoughts, Doofus! You know he's a mind-reader!"

"Sorry, Bells. Nothing explicit got through if that makes you feel any better?"

I heard the growl in Edward's throat intensify.

"Until right then, apparently! Christ, Garrett, stop thinking about it!"

I smacked Edward on the shoulder, "And you stop growling at him! We were two consenting adults who spent a night together trying to get over soul-shattering pain… which YOU caused in my case."

I knew Garrett wouldn't interfere if Edward demanded I speak to him right then, because he would see this as an issue between mates. I only had one shot if I didn't want to do this in a public location.

"Leah? We don't have anything else to do, right?"

"Nope. Chris wants us to arrange a thirty-minute set for the next showcase, but other than that we're free."

"I'll call him and Gavin tomorrow to set that up. Can we just go? I need to get out of here, because I'm about to have that mental breakdown I've been narrowly avoiding for the past two years."

"Yup. We're blowing this popsicle stand as soon as I tell the band they can leave."

She headed around the back of the stage to let our band know the rest of the night was free, and I tried again to scoot around Edward while he was busy giving Garrett nasty looks. Unfortunately, he felt my movement and wrapped his arm around me to prevent my escape.

Garrett's eyes darkened and a growl finally emerged from his throat.

"Hands off, Cullen. I'm not going to prevent you from talking to her, but you will not touch her unless she says you can."

I was quick to interject, "He can't! I want to go, Garrett."

"Relax, Bells. Even he can't be stupid enough to try anything with me and Leah here to stop him… especially since his brothers took off on him. If you're uncomfortable in that corner, I'm sure he'd be more than willing to move aside for you. Right, Cullen?"

Edward glared at him again, but stepped away from me. I hastily slid behind Garrett and wrapped my arms around him, hiding in his back. I heard a feral sounding growl and Garrett's hands gently tried to loosen my grip.

"Honey, don't provoke him right now. I can't fight him with so many humans around and he is getting to the point of not caring."

My anger pushed the pain aside for a moment. Why should I not provoke him? He left me, and didn't care about leaving me broken or vulnerable, why should I care about his feelings now? I was certain Garrett could take him, especially without Emmett or Jasper around to interfere.

I peeked around Garrett's elbow and glared at Edward, moving my arms from around Garrett's chest, running my hands down his body until my palms rested on his hipbones with my fingers dangerously close to his groin, effectively hugging my body tightly against his from shoulder to pelvis in a provocative manner.

"Well, if he cared so fucking much he shouldn't have left me. Now he gets to deal with the consequences of his actions!"

Another low, deep snarl issued from Edward's chest as he slunk down into a crouch. For the first time, I couldn't see anything but the predator in him, there was no reason or humanity in his inky eyes as they fixed on Garrett's throat. Garrett held both hands up in a placating gesture and turned to look at me over his shoulder.

"Feeling me up to piss him off isn't going to cause any consequences except to the innocents who get caught in the crossfire, Bella! C'mon, at least talk to him."

I dropped my hands from Garrett's body and took a step to the side of him, hoping that putting physical distance between us would calm Edward down somewhat. He straightened, but kept his eyes locked on Garrett.

I heard a throat clear behind me and turned to see Leah. I dashed into her arms and she glared at both men.

"Pick a fucking side, Garrett!"

"Leah, this isn't for us to intervene in. We should get her home, but they do need to talk!"

"She will talk to him when SHE is ready to, Garrett, not before! He doesn't get to run roughshod over her in this."

Without another word, Leah led me through the back door and out to our waiting car. I got in and locked the door, even though I knew it would be useless at keeping Edward out if he really wanted to remove me from the vehicle.

He was at my door in an instant and reaching for the handle, but Garrett and Leah both growled loudly. Leah was vibrating wildly, trying to hold her human form together as she snarled and stalked back around the car toward him.

Garrett caught her around the waist and prevented her from closing the distance to Edward.

"Leah, stop. He won't hurt her…"

"Fucking let me go, Garrett!"

"Woman, you are not wolfing out in this parking lot. Get in the car and calm yourself before some photographer shows up and becomes collateral damage."

"You wouldn't fucking dare!"

"I wouldn't have any choice! You know I wouldn't!"

I knew if they got started I may as well get out of the car and have it out with Edward for the public's viewing pleasure, because they were gonna get loud enough to attract attention any minute now.

"Leah! Garrett! We do not have time for your own personal rendition of World War Three right now! Let's roll before somebody hears something they shouldn't!"

As if they'd never been bickering in the first place, they both slid into the car, asking me if I wanted to stop for dinner before we headed home or if I needed anything else. Leah threw the car into reverse and smoothly backed out, leaving Edward standing in the same spot.

I noticed the look of absolute defeat on his face in the side mirror as we pulled away. The part of me that was still angry gloated that he was feeling even a minute amount of the pain I'd lived with the past two years, but the part that would never stop loving him wanted to call for him to come with me.

It took every ounce of my willpower, but I resolutely turned my eyes forward and told Leah I just wanted to go home.


	5. Lethal Beauty, Chapter 4

**Edward**

I stood there, motionless with my hand still outstretched to where the car's door handle no longer was. I met Bella's eyes in the side mirror of the car for a brief moment before she faced forward and told Leah to take her home, leaving me rejected and alone… aching for someone who'd just made it clear I didn't matter to them. If what Bella felt when I left her in the forest was even half as painful, then it was miracle she lived through it.

The taillights of the car finally faded from my vision, but the male's mental voice was still clear to me.

 _Cullen, if you have half a brain in that head of yours, you won't be anywhere near our place for the next several days. I won't lie to the girls if I scent you. I won't be able to prevent Leah from coming at you until she calms down, and I will defend both of them to the death._

I snarled softly, still enraged and jealous from my confrontation with the male backstage. My siblings had whispered good luck to me before I dashed back there to find Bella. We could all hear her sobs, and I was desperate to comfort her. Hope sprang to life in me when she didn't stiffen or pull away from my icy arms. I was elated when she turned so trustingly into my embrace… and then _his_ name crossed her lips.

Pain and anger such as I never imagined possible poured through me, and I did what I would have sworn was impossible… I hissed at Bella in a rage. I was appalled with myself as soon as it happened, but her friends came around the curtain at that moment. The she-wolf's thoughts were venomous and the male's were tinged with jealousy. She wasn't his true mate, but she was his woman and he wasn't going to give her up easily.

His plan was pretty simplistic. Let the wolf feed Bella's anger, continue giving her a sympathetic ear, and let my anger do the rest. He knew I wouldn't be able to contain myself if she was near him, and he knew if I attacked him in front of her she'd never be able to forgive me. He also knew I could hear his every thought, and didn't consider me enough of a threat for Bella's affections to bother with even trying to hide them from me.

I knew it didn't help my cause any, but I lost it when he started feeding me erotic images of the night Bella turned to him for comfort. His mental control was almost unfathomable, but he was able to show me snippets that revealed everything he did to her, without showing me more than a few bare inches of her skin. The possessive thought that he was the only one who would ever see her completely unclothed hung in his mind smugly.

I was of two minds. One part of me wanted to chase down the car and steal my mate. The other, more rational part of me was urging patience. In that moment, I wished Alice had stayed with me instead of leaving with the others. Even if the wolf blurred her visions, she might be able to focus hard enough on the male and on Bella to get something.


	6. Lethal Beauty, Post Mortem

Lethal Beauty was one of my favorite ideas at the time I started writing it (I believe in 2011?) and even though the muse has long since slipped away, I love it still.

I always planned to have Bella stay with Garrett at the end of it, I just never quite got from Step 1 to Step 3 with that one. If I had to pick one of my unfinished pieces that I would get a sudden jolt of inspiration for, it would be this one.

Song Credits:

 _Tell Me Why_ by Taylor Swift

 _Breathe_ by Taylor Swift and Colbie Caillat

 _Cowboy Casanova_ by Carrie Underwood

 _Because of You_ by Kelly Clarkson (CD Version)

 _Like We Never Loved At All_ by Faith Hill


	7. Content Warning - Awful, Beautiful Life

**WARNING**

For your own peace of mind, if you are currently pregnant or have a newborn please do _**not**_ read this story.

This story is not fluffy; at times it will be downright depressing. There are no rainbows or unicorns. This might touch you, it might shock you in a few places, and I will caution you to keep a box of Kleenex near to hand if you are of a delicate disposition…

This is the story of my oldest daughter, my angels, and my babies. I've tried on the advice of therapists and friends to write it out in full detail many times. I always fail, or sugarcoat. I've never finished it, but maybe one day I'll be able to. When I started writing this, my kids were really 3 and 7 months… now they're 12 and 9 and I've never been able to bring myself to finish the part I actually needed to tell. It's been 13 years since my oldest daughter died, and I don't know if I ever will be ale to.

The timeline of "present day" in the story actually occurred in October of 2009, just so it all makes sense.

If you're upset or offended by the following topics, you should skip this one:

Stillbirth

Miscarriage

Abuse of Alcohol

Abuse of Prescription Drugs

Suicidal Ideology

Overdose

Cursing

Blasphemy

Faith

If you haven't clicked out of this story yet, thank you in advance for reading and participating in my attempt at therapy through writing.

Playlist

 _Held_ by Natalie Grant

 _Who You'd Be_ by Kenny Chesney

 _Cradle of Wings_ by Pamela Armstrong

 _Godspeed_ by The Dixie Chicks

A Child of Mine (To All the Parents)

by Edgar Guest

I will lend you, for a little time,

A child of mine, He said.

For you to love the while he lives,

And mourn for when he's dead.

It may be six or seven years,

Or twenty-two or three.

But will you, till I call him back,

Take care of him for Me?

He'll bring his charms to gladden you,

And should his stay be brief.

You'll have his lovely memories,

As solace for your grief.

I cannot promise he will stay,

Since all from Earth return.

But there are lessons taught down there,

I want this child to learn.

I've looked the wide world over,

In search for teachers true.

And from the throngs that crowd life's lanes,

I have selected you.

Now will you give him all your love,

Not think the labor vain.

Nor hate Me when I come

To take him home again?

I fancied that I heard them say,

'Dear Lord, Thy will be done!'

For all the joys Thy child shall bring,

The risk of grief we'll run.

We'll shelter him with tenderness,

We'll love him while we may,

And for the happiness we've known,

Forever grateful stay.

But should the angels call for him,

Much sooner than we've planned.

We'll brave the bitter grief that comes,

And try to understand.

I could have ten more children, but there will always be one missing.

~ Unknown


	8. Awful, Beautiful Life (Twilight)

**BELLA**

(Present Day)

"MOMMY! Why you still going potty? Come watch Yardigans!"

My daughter is obsessed with The Backyardigans, and she can't stand to see anybody alone in the bathroom for more than 30 seconds. She must feel it's her civic duty to make sure people don't feel lonely in the can or something. It would be cute, if I wasn't the one who was more often than not the recipient of her "helpfulness".

"Ness! Please let mommy alone! Go tell Daddy he's a punk and Hug Attack him."

"DADDY! You's a punk!"

Thankfully, three year olds are highly suggestible creatures, and Hug Attacks are a good diversionary tactic… even if said Hug Attacks do annoy the living daylights out of my husband sometimes. Occasionally, that's just an added bonus.

"Ness!" I heard the consternation in his voice, and couldn't help but chuckle a bit. "Honey, please look out I've got the baby and I don't want to step on you, OK? Don't encourage her to get underfoot, Bella! I'm trying to change Evan and I'd rather not get anything on my hands! How's it going in there?"

"Has it been three minutes?"

"No."

"Well let me know when three minutes are over and you'll be the next to know the answer."

I was sitting on the edge of the tub, refusing to look at the little plastic stick on the counter that would determine the next year of our life… and far beyond. I really didn't want to know. I'd been afraid to look at pregnancy tests before… but this one terrified me more than any other. Edward had undergone a vasectomy 10 weeks ago and we were still using back up birth control on top of that. We'd known he was potent; my sister didn't call him the Womb Raider for nothing… but come on now! A vasectomy and fanatical use of contraceptive gels, and I might be pregnant again anyways? I decided that if I was pregnant, I'd have no choice but to completely neuter him. His testicles were obviously too dangerous to be left in their natural habitat.

When I'd told my sister Rose that I was taking a test, she'd said if I was knocked up again she was going to nickname my husband's testicles "The Jesus Nads" for their ability to rise from the dead. I'd tried to keep the laughter out of my voice when I told her she was definitely going to Hell for that one, and she'd promised to save me a seat and make me a S'more with her usual cheerfulness.

"Bella! You have about a minute left."

I dropped my head onto my clasped hands for a quick conference with the Almighty.

"Lord, I know this is going to go according to Your will, not ours… and You know we'll accept Your will no matter what. But You know Evan's birth was hard on me and there was permanent damage. I'm not complaining, Lord! I was done with childbearing anyways, and I feel blessed with the family You've given me. You know that my doctor said I would have a really high probability of losing any future pregnancies because my cervix was compromised… and I'm not strong enough to go through that again. Please Lord; don't make me watch another child die."

I didn't realize I'd started sobbing until I felt a large, warm hand settle on the back of my head.

"Don't cry babe. It'll be OK… either way we WILL be OK."

"I can't do it again, Edward! I'd just this year gotten to the point where I didn't break down on her birthday. After the close call we had with Evan, Hell we even had a small scare with Ness… and after all the babies we never got to know… I don't know if I'm strong enough to go into a pregnancy knowing there is little hope to start with."

"Well, not knowing one way or the other isn't getting us anywhere babe."

He picked up the test and I watched his face for a reaction that would let me know what to expect… but there was only confusion. He shouldn't be confused. After what we'd been through in the past five years that man could read a pregnancy test as well as any woman.

"Babe, this doesn't look right…"

I took the stick from him, hoping against hope he'd finally met a test he didn't immediately understand. But no. There were two pink lines in the test window indicating a positive result. But the smaller control window showed no line at all.

"Fuck! The test malfunctioned!"

I heard my daughter's voice call in from the living room.

"Mommy said a bad word, Daddy! BAD MOMMY!"

Edward smirked at my slip, "You're right, Ness. Bad Mommy! Don't use bad words!"

I peeked to make sure Ness wasn't coming towards us, and found her immersed back into her Yardigans. I dropped my voice so she couldn't hear me, or the bad words I was about to unleash on her father.

"Are you SURE you want to get on me for my language, Sailor? Your daughter got frustrated at one of her stuffies yesterday and called it a deuce bag. I was pretty sure she was trying to say douche bag… and only one of us uses that phrase in this house. She also called the baby an asshat because he was crying and woke her up last night… another one of YOUR pet phrases. Shall I continue?"

He had the grace to look away and the tops of his ears turned slightly red before he cleared his throat and brought the conversation back to the matter at hand.

"Are you pregnant or not?"

"I have no clue. The test didn't work properly. The instructions say if there is no control line to disregard the test lines completely because they more than likely aren't accurate."

"So take another one!"

"Can't."

"Why?"

"Well first, I don't have to pee right now. Second, even if I did have to… you only bought one test."

"Shit. Well, I'll stop and get another one on my way home in the morning."

"Please, don't buy the store brand again. Cheaper isn't better for some items, Honey."

"I won't. You still like the one in the pink box, right? Now get out of here… unless you plan on joining me in the shower?"

"Fantastic idea! I'll leave the three year old in charge of the infant while I'm at it!"

"Alright, Smartass! Out!"

I plopped down on the couch and was immediately pounced on by my own personal tornado. We watched the end of her show while the baby rolled around on his blanket, trying to figure out the mechanics of crawling and periodically emitting his favorite ear splitting shrieks of happiness. After Moose and Zee's little between show break I told Ness to head into her room. I let her pick her jammies, hoping she wouldn't notice her Dora jammies weren't in the dresser. I hadn't gotten to her laundry and not having the Dora jammies clean could become a capital offense. Fortunately she wanted Care Bears, and I avoided the dreaded bedtime meltdown. Score one for Mommy!

Edward came in to read Ness her bedtime story before he had to leave for work, and I went back out to the living room to give Evan his bedtime feeding. He finished his bottle and his cereal quickly. If he kept eating like that I was going to buy stock in Gerber. I was pretty sure my son's appetite was responsible for keeping their people employed through the worst of the economic downturn. I had just finished changing him into a clean diaper and a thick blanket sleeper since it was getting chilly at night when Edward emerged.

"Honey, can you put him down for me so I can pack you a lunch real quick?"

He took our sleepy son from my arms and leaned down to kiss my forehead before ducking back into the kids' bedroom. I headed out to the kitchen to see what I had available on short notice. A banana, some granola bars, a yogurt, and leftover noodles with Alfredo sauce. Sounded like lunch to me, and I knew that by 3am he wouldn't care what he was eating as long as there was food. I put everything into his lunch bag and added his vitamin water and a cranberry juice for after his workout.

"Here you go, Honey!"

"Thanks, Babe. I gotta go now if I want time to run before I have to start."

"OK. I repacked your gym bag; it's in the closet. Love you, be careful!"

"I love you, too." He grabbed his bag, lunch and laptop case before turning to give me a quick kiss. "Don't get lost in your head tonight, OK? TRY to get some sleep."

"Yeah, yeah… says the man who knowingly married an insomniac. Now get going."

I smiled and waved as Edward pulled out of the driveway, hoping it would reassure him, knowing it probably wouldn't. He knew me too well. He knew every dark place in my mind, but even he couldn't always reach me when I slipped into them. I knew it drove him crazy that he couldn't "fix" things for me, but I had accepted the past. I just couldn't always escape it, and tonight I knew I would have to face it. I needed the reminder that at one time I had been strong enough to come out on the other side. After double-checking to make sure I'd locked the door I grabbed the baby monitor and headed into our bedroom.

I sat on the bed for several moments just staring at the shelf in the top of our closet. As small as our place was, our closet had become storage central, but no matter what else had to get shifted around or packed away the back corner above Edward's side was left alone. It was actually pretty innocuous looking to somebody not in the know; a small blue box, a little photo album, and a teddy bear that was clutching a smaller bear in its paws. The rest of the closet was a mish-mash of storage totes, boxes, and clothes hanging over top of everything. The rest of the shelf was jammed with Christmas presents I'd started accumulating during sales and hiding until time, breakables that I'd packed and put away when little hands started getting too curious, the lockbox that held all of the family's paperwork… everything was a jumbled heap of mostly-organized chaos except the one little corner.

I'd sat contemplating the shelf for several minutes when the ringing of the phone startled me out of my thoughts.

"Hello, Rose."

"What if it wasn't me, Bells… then you would've felt stupid."

"Nobody else would dare call my house at this time of night."

"True. So, did The Jesus Nads impregnate you again? I'm putting in my order for another girl. Boys are just SO hard to find cute clothes for."

"We don't know. The test was bogus and we only had the one."

"That is your luck all over the place, Bells. So what were you planning on doing for the night? I know your kids should be down by now and the horny little monkey you married is gone; and I'm betting you want to go and be all masochistic…"

"I need to visit with Jen tonight."

"You really shouldn't do that alone. Last time was not good, and as much of an unfeeling prick as Uncle Garrett can be I don't think he could handle another code run to your place."

"You were there when Jen died. You've been there every time since. You know what happened when Evan was born and what they told me after they stitched everything back up. I can't go through that again, Rose."

"I'm on my way down. If I leave now I should be there in about two hours."

I put the phone back on the cradle on my bedside table and stood to face the closet. I took the bear down, and cuddled it close to me for a moment. It still had a faint baby powder smell to it, even after four years. I wondered if maybe Edward or Rose had taken it down when I wasn't around and rubbed more powder into its fur so I wouldn't lose the smell with time. I laid the bear on my pillow and reached for the box and the photo album. I climbed into the middle of the bed and took a deep breath before I picked up the album. I untied the small velvet ribbon holding it closed and flipped to the first picture, which was simply a picture of a positive pregnancy test that was date stamped 4/30/2005.

The next page was a scrap of wall paper border and a paint swatch… the nursery theme. We'd decided on Classic Pooh, and I'd wanted to keep record of it for after Pooh wasn't "cool" anymore and had been replaced with something else. The next page was a picture of a mostly completed nursery. Cheerful yellow paint, wall decals, and white wooden furniture… all decked out in the pale cream, yellow, and sage Pooh Bear theme I'd loved from the first second I saw it.

I mentally steeled myself and flipped to the next page. It was the first of three ultrasound pictures. The first one showed a small baby that facially could have passed for an alien; I had been not quite 12 weeks gestational. The next was just shy of 15 weeks. The baby had been particularly active during that visit and had been in mid roll when the picture was taken. The final one was a bit shy of 18 weeks gestational. The baby was stretching when the doc was checking me out, and it looked like she was waving at us.

I felt time slipping away from me as I stared at the last picture I had of my baby while she was still alive.

**Bella**

(April 29, 2005)

"Jesus, woman! Are you planning on getting up today or not?"

"Go away, Edward. I'm tired."

"STILL? Bella, it's after noon. You went to bed at nine last night; you've been sleeping for 15 hours! Are you sick or something?"

"No. I feel fine... well OK, I have been a bit queasy for the last few days, but no fever or any signs of illness. I'm just exhausted."

"Well Rose and Em called. They're driving down for the weekend and wanted to know if they could have our futon."

"I thought they were staying with Renee and Grandpa Charlie?"

"Yeah, about that… Rose said, and I quote, 'I will fucking kill somebody if I have to spend more time than absolutely fucking necessary with that selfish fucking bitch.' End quote."

"Well I think you and Em get along just about as well as Rose and Renee. Are you SURE you don't mind them sleeping here for two nights?"

"At least Meathead and I can hate each other civilly. Rose and Renee usually devolve into screaming matches, and all that does is upset Charlie. Want me to put on some coffee for you, Babe?"

For some reason, the thought of coffee made me gag. I tried to control the reaction, but Edward noticed.

"What the Hell is going on with you? Are you going to throw up?"

I jumped up and ran for the bathroom, but our roommate was in there and the shower was running.

"Jake! Hurry or I'm gonna puke in this hallway!"

My stomach rolled again and I knew I was out of time. I sprinted back into our bedroom and grabbed the little trashcan I kept next to the bed. Edward held my hair as I gagged and retched. Unfortunately there was nothing in my stomach, so I ended up dry heaving. Since that was worse than just throwing up and being done with it, it kept triggering round after round. I wanted my stomach to just spontaneously erupt from my throat and put an end to my misery.

"Please, get me water. I can't stand the dry heaves."

Jake finally vacated the bathroom, so I ran for it hoping I could get in there before my stomach revolted again.

I heard him cross the hall to our room and half-jokingly ask Edward if I was pregnant since he'd heard me being sick a few days ago while Edward was at work. At the time I'd passed it off as a stomach bug or flu… but suddenly things started clicking into place.

The exhaustion, the nausea, the irritability, and the mood swings; I'd cried over a pet food commercial the night before for God's sake! My cycles were never predictable and it wasn't unheard of for me to skip a month. I had proven completely incompetent at taking the pill properly and I flat refused to submit to Depo shots as I was terrified of needles, so there was really nothing my doctor could do to regulate them. When I stopped to really think about it I realized it had been almost 3 months since my last period. How the Hell had I missed that? I knew I'd been kind of spacey lately, but that took spacing out to a whole new level!

Oh… this could be bad. Really-truly-totally NOT good. Edward had already made it known he didn't want kids while he was still in school. I'd asked once what if there was an oopsie, and his answer chilled me to the marrow of my bones. I knew that a positive test could very well be the end of us. I couldn't force him to help me raise a child any more than he could force me to have an abortion, and I would never beg him to stay.

"Ed-Edward, can you come in here a minute?" I sounded on the edge of hysteria… which made sense because that's how I felt, too.

He poked his head in the door, and from the wary, scared look on his face I knew he'd probably come to the same conclusion I had.

"I think you should go to the pharmacy." I couldn't look at him, I didn't want to see the anger I was pretty sure would be appearing.

"FUCK! Why did this shit have to happen? We're always careful; we've been using the same birth control for four fucking years with no problems for Gods' sake! Don't you women know when it's your fertile time or something?"

"OK hold on a minute, asshole! I didn't do this deliberately, and I sure as fuck didn't do this alone. Furthermore, we don't KNOW. Go buy a fucking test and quit bitching until we know there's something to bitch about!"

I went back into the bedroom and curled up on the bed as Edward stormed down the stairs, punching the wall on his way out the door.

I wanted to cry and rage against the fates, but if there was a baby then there was supposed to be one. I'd lost most of my faith years before at the hands of my abusive father and narcissistic mother, but I'd never lost the certainty that things happen for a reason. Be it God, Vishnu, Buddha or the Flying Spaghetti Monster… somebody or something had a plan.

Jake tapped on the door gently before I heard him enter the room. I knew he'd heard the argument, and having been one of my closest friends since high school he'd want to make sure I was OK. I kept my eyes trained on the bedroom window, but I reached behind me and patted the edge of the bed. He came and sat down next to me and started fidgeting with my hair. I couldn't look at him, too humiliated at having had my personal life broadcast like it had just been.

Jake had obviously heard us argue before in the time he'd been rooming with us, because we were both hot-headed and stubborn people who couldn't back down until we'd had our say… but this went beyond who forgot to pay a bill or take out the trash. This should have stayed between the two of us.

"He is torqued, Bells. His hands were shaking like crazy and he looked like he wanted to kill something. Are you going to be safe if I leave so you guys can have privacy for this, or do you want me to stick around just to be sure he doesn't go psycho on you if he doesn't like the results."

"He's not like Phil, Jake. We've been together four years and he's never raised so much as a finger to me."

"I know. But he does have a nasty habit of taking his rage out on inanimate objects, and considering this would be a pretty extreme case I don't know that he wouldn't snap and hurt you."

"Jake, it'll be fine. I'll call you if I need you, OK?"

"If you're sure…"

"Yup. I have a feeling you're gonna want to be scarce for the rest of the weekend."

"If he hurts you, I will fuck him up. Fair warning."

"He won't, the worst that will happen is he'll move out. I've been dumped before, Jake. I seem to remember a certain best friend of mine who stood me up for Homecoming during our sophomore year…"

"Are you ever gonna let that go?"

"You know I completely forgave you years ago. I just like watching you squirm and reminding you what a succubus Emily turned out to be."

"Alright kiddo, I'm outie. I'll be at Embry and Quil's until you call and tell me it's safe to come home. If you need to escape, I'll save you a spot on the beanbag."

"Thanks, but Rose and Em will be here tomorrow afternoon. Edward won't do anything stupid with Emmett coming into town."

Jake went back into his room to grab some clothes, and then yelled out a goodbye. I heard the click as he locked the door behind himself… then silence descended. It was kind of disconcerting, as the apartment we shared was almost never totally silent. The three of us worked different hours and had different days off, somebody was ALWAYS awake and doing something.

Our cat Shadow hopped up on the bed and snuggled down on my hip. I should have known something was up weeks ago, because Shadow had become incredibly affectionate and protective of me. He wasn't normally an affectionate cat with anybody but Edward, and we'd both noted his change in attitude but thought nothing of it. I was watching the patterns the shadows of the leaves cast on the walls as I felt myself getting drowsy again.

The sound of the door closing woke me. The darkness outside the bedroom window told me I'd slept for several hours at least. I rolled over to look at the clock and saw it was almost midnight. Shadow meowed at being dumped off of his perch on my hip and I heard the soft thud of his paws hitting the hardwood floor as he went in search of his food bowl. I looked at the clock again in disbelief, rubbing at my eyes and stifling a yawn. I couldn't believe I had literally slept the day away.

"Edward? Is that you?"

I heard steps coming up the stairs towards the bedroom, but no verbal response. A moment later the bedroom door opened all the way and he stood illuminated by the light in the hallway.

"What took so long?"

"I needed to think. I should have called, I'm sorry. I hope you didn't worry too much, Babe."

"No, I fell back to sleep with Shadow after Jake left. If I hadn't heard you come in I probably would've slept through the night, too."

"Mind if I join you?"

"It's your bed until you choose otherwise; I'd never kick you out of it."

"Not even if I deserved it?"

I chucked, "Nope. It upsets you more when I go sleep on the couch after we argue."

He lay down next to me and cuddled into me. I turned to face him and we just held each other. After several minutes of silence, he pulled back just enough to give us room to look at each other.

"Bella, I did a lot of thinking today. I know what I said previously about what I would want if there was a baby before we were ready… and I would be lying if I said I didn't think about that today."

I pulled further away, drawing my arms back so that I wasn't holding him any longer. He wasn't having it. He pulled me back against his chest before I could roll toward the side of the bed.

"No! Stay put and listen to me. I said I thought about it, not that I wanted it!"

"But… six months ago you were adamant. You wouldn't even hear me out…"

"I know. I thought I could be that way today when this happened, too. But I sat there in the park and realized that I can't. This isn't what either of us wanted, but I can't even consider asking you to do something you are so morally opposed to simply because I'm scared. Then I put myself on the other side of the situation and realized I wouldn't be able to go through with it even if you were willing to."

"So what do you want to do? You wouldn't even discuss adoption with me before."

"I don't want to discuss adoption with you now either. If there is a baby, it's ours. When I asked you to marry me last New Years' I know we were planning on a long engagement, but I think if there really is a baby we shouldn't wait."

"You realize both of our families are going to freak the fuck out, right? We'll be lucky if Grandpa Charlie doesn't show up on our doorstep with his Winchester if he finds out I'm pregnant. Your dad already hates me. He's convinced I'm dragging you down the fiery path to eternal damnation; this will not help my case there. Your mom will trip balls that you want to get married and have a kid before you graduate. She's held that promise she made you give her when you were fifteen over your head like a fucking guillotine anytime you got remotely serious about a girl. I'm the first girlfriend you've ever had that she hasn't been able to chase away in the first six months."

"My step mother adores you though… and my father will never go against her for very long. He may not be thrilled, but he will get over it. Why aren't you worried about Renee and Phil's reactions?"

"Because my mother has no room to talk about anybody else's choices regarding marriage and babies. She was married three days after she turned 18, which was three months before she graduated high school. I was born four months after she graduated… and I wasn't premature either. As for Phil… if I never see him again it will be too soon. He spent nineteen years of my life abusing me; he won't get within five miles of my child if I can help it!"

"Our child."

Tears spilled down my cheeks at his whispered words. Somehow, someway, he'd decided to stick with me even though I knew getting married at 22 and having a kid at 23 hadn't been in his game plan.

"I didn't want to get my hopes up. I knew there was a very real chance you wouldn't want to stay around."

"No, I'm in. If there is a baby, we'll manage. If not, we'll discuss some additional precautions we should take."

My stomach decided to announce its presence quite loudly at that moment. The rumble was so out of place in the very serious conversation we were having that we both started laughing uncontrollably. When we settled down, he gave me a stern look.

"If you've been asleep all day, then you haven't eaten. You can't do that, Bella; you need to eat… especially if there's a baby."

"Well, at the moment I need to pee even worse. I guess we should do this test and get it over with. Can you go get it so I can read all of the directions before I get out of bed?"

He went into the bathroom and came back out with a pink box and a clear plastic cup.

"What's the cup for?"

"I read the entire box before I bought it, and it said it would be easier if you peed into a cup then just dipped the test in."

He settled down next to me and we both read the directions. I went ahead and removed the stick from the foil pouch, picked up the cup and headed to the bathroom. I noticed Edward following me.

"Um… I think not."

"We've lived together how long? We've seen each other pee before, Babe."

"Yes, I know. But there is no clock in the bathroom. I need you to stay in the bedroom and start timing when I say so."

"Alright… just let me know as soon as you can, OK?"

"Don't worry. As soon as I know, you'll know."

I counted to 10 after I dunked the tip of the test stick into the cup, just like the directions said to. They also said I would immediately see one test line and the control line show up, but that it could take up to three minutes for the second line to appear if the test was positive. I put the cap back on the test and set it on the counter before calling to Edward to start timing. I dumped the contents of the plastic cup and threw it away. When I turned back around to wash my hands I did a double take, because in less than 60 full seconds the results of the test were already clear.

"Edward…"

"Babe, it hasn't been three minutes yet!"

"Just come here."

I showed him the test. He kept looking between the stick in his hand and the result guide on the box; almost as if the results would change if he looked hard enough. After a few minutes, he laid the test back on the counter and left the bathroom. Before I could get a word out, he was heading down the stairs.

I slid down the wall, tears pouring from my eyes. I never wanted a child. My early home life hadn't been all that great, and by the age of ten my abusive, selfish parents pretty much left me to raise my sister. She was in first grade, and I was the one to help her with homework, on top of doing my own. I was the one to make sure we had clean clothes and lunches for school. Hell, I'd usually faked signatures for permission slips and report cards since my parents couldn't be bothered. I'd raised one kid, two if I wanted to include myself, and I hadn't had any desire to take on that kind of responsibility again since Rose was raised and out on her own. I'd never resented Rose for the loss of my own childhood; it hadn't been her fault after all. But I resented the Hell out of my parents because I couldn't go out with my friends, go to football games, or go on dates like a normal teenager. To do something like that for myself meant Rose had to do without… and I wouldn't allow that.

Now to top everything else off, Edward walked out after he'd just promised me he was going to stick around no matter what. I knew Jake and I could never afford this place without Edward. There was no way I could deal with Renee on a daily basis, so even if Grandpa Charlie offered me the spare room at his house I'd have to turn it down. I didn't really want to live with Emmett, but I guessed I would have to because if he and Rose moved in and we were splitting rent four ways it might be doable…

As quickly as I'd fallen into the depressed certainty that Edward was leaving, he was back. He had our camera with him, and I stared at it stupidly. Why on Earth would he want a camera right now? He turned on the vanity lights before stepping back and fiddling with the zoom on the camera. He took a shot of the pregnancy test? Why?

"Edward, why…?"

He looked at me with a ghost of a smile before sinking down next to me and wrapping his arms around me.

"It's for the baby book. I know we're both kind of shell-shocked at the moment, but when that wears off you'll be glad I thought of it."

For some reason that made me cry even harder, but I managed to get out a strangled response to his sweet gesture. "Thanks, Honey. I love you."

He placed his hand on my tummy before looking into my eyes, "I love you, too. Both of you. Never doubt it."

We talked until almost 4am. Every fear, every hope, and every goal we both held for ourselves and for our baby. Edward made me sit while he fixed omelets. I tried to tell him I was pregnant, not terminal… but he wasn't having it. I finally sat and allowed him to putter in the kitchen, realizing it made him feel like he was useful in this process if he did things for me.

I called and left Jake a voicemail after I'd eaten, letting him know he was going to be an honorary uncle and that it was safe to come home if he wanted to, while Edward busied himself online looking for the requirements for us to get a marriage license and if there was a waiting period after it was obtained. We started looking for a chapel, knowing that the sooner we got married the quicker the fallout from our families would ease up.

I personally would have been fine with the JOP, but even though Edward didn't attend services on a regular basis he still wanted a religious ceremony of some sort. I offered to see if the priest at the church I semi-occasionally went to would do the ceremony. I knew he wouldn't do the mass since I was at best a Lapsed Catholic and Edward was non-denominational, but we really didn't want to make a big production of it anyways.

A week later, we sat down for a war room session regarding how we were going to deal with our families. We'd already obtained the license and scheduled our wedding, and we were hoping that news would somewhat soften the blow of announcing that we were having a baby. We knew we were going to have to present a completely united front, because our families weren't all that excited with our relationship to begin with.

Out of my family, the only person I was terrified of disappointing with the news that I was unmarried and pregnant was my grandfather. I'd moved in with my grandparents when I was 19 to care for my grandmother who was suffering from emphysema, and take care of the house. Grandpa Charlie and I had really bonded over the years I'd lived there. I wouldn't have left him for anything after Grandma Sue passed, but Renee had finally had enough of Phil's abusiveness and filed for divorce about 3 months after my grandmother's death. Since the house was solely in Phil's name he kicked her out while the divorce was still pending, forcing her and Rose to move in with Grandpa Charlie and me. Unfortunately, Renee thought that living with me meant she got a second chance at all of the years she'd been too busy to be my mom. I was almost 24 by that point, and had been independent for far too long to allow Renee to play Mommy of the Year at my expense. The fighting between us was causing problems between me and Grandpa Charlie since he had the whole "Honor Thy Mother and Father" mentality. Rather than argue with both of them, Edward and I decided to live together.

My family had actually taken bets on how quickly we'd break up in the beginning. Edward was nothing like my ex-boyfriend Alec, and my family had adored Alec. They'd thought he was perfect for me and that we'd had so many things in common. I didn't really think we had all that much in common, and as for being "perfect" for me I'd been ambivalent about that opinion until the night he'd come over to tell me he was moving in with a woman he'd met through work. My family wouldn't see past all of the things they'd liked about Alec to see that he would have made me miserable because he didn't love me enough to be true to me. He was a construction worker, blue collar to the core, and never went past high school. They related to him. They'd never understood my need to be more, and hadn't honestly been that supportive of me being the first person in the family to attend college.

Edward and I actually had very little in common, aside from our ambitions for a better life than we'd had previously, but there was an unquestionable pull between us. We'd tried to fight it and failed miserably. Our tastes in movies, music and books were all polar opposite. He had a penchant for technological doodads and video games, and was majoring in Computer Information Systems and Programming… while I would rather sit under a tree and sketch or write and majored in Accounting. I was quieter, but more self assured. I was also serious almost to the point of boring, which annoyed him when he was trying to be silly or get me to let loose somewhat. I was raised in an abusive home, wishing my parents would have divorced and stayed away from each other. He'd been raised by an over-bearing and over-protective single mother, wishing his father would have been around more.

We both knew there were hang-ups caused by our less than stellar childhoods, and we'd had a few major blowouts… usually caused by my absolute inability to back down when a man got irate with me. It was a leftover habit I'd picked up when I'd realized that Phil was, at heart, a coward and he wouldn't beat me or Rose if I could intimidate him enough. Those were the major issues that we acknowledged as things we would have to be careful of if we wanted to stay together, but there were two seemingly minor things that our families couldn't let go of.

My family had trouble accepting the fact that Edward was four years younger than I was. Edward was actually three days younger than Rose. They'd been born in the same hospital even though our moms hadn't been in there at the same time. Renee brought Rose home early in the morning of the day Liz went into labor. To us, this was a non-issue. He was eighteen when we met, but he looked older. I was twenty two, and easily passed as younger. We'd gone to a pool hall the first time we went out together. I was carded for admittance, he was not. We'd both assumed that we were close to each others' age. By the time we actually thought to ask about pertinent facts like ages and last names, we'd already gone out a few times and we decided it didn't matter to us. My Uncle Garrett liked to tell me I was no better than a drunken frat boy leering at high school coeds and belligerently declaring that they were legal. Apparently, age gaps in relationships were only appropriate when the man was older.

Edward's father was fine with our age difference seeing as his second wife was five years older than he was, but he couldn't get past the difference in our religious backgrounds. I thought it was beyond hypocritical of a man who'd left his wife and very young son so he could marry his mistress to get all up in arms about anything regarding morality… but Carlisle had been "saved" in the years since his re-marriage and apparently God's Grace now shone out of his ass.

I'd politely tried dodging the religion conversation altogether when Edward brought me to meet them, but it was impossible. I'd then tried to avoid having to admit that my own faith had been damaged, by just claiming Catholicism even though I'd only been to mass three times over the six previous years… two of those times in the month following my grandmother's death. Apparently I should have just gone ahead and laid claim to Satanism, because to Edward's oh-SO-delightful father they were pretty much the same thing. He hadn't said another word to me that evening, but had rattled on and on about all of the good Christian girls he knew from church, and that he would see if any of them would be interested in meeting Edward.

Once we'd decided to live together, my family had once again taken bets on how long it would be before we split up. The faith they had in my ability to live my own life was quite simply staggering at times.

Grandpa Charlie, who was a man of deep (but thankfully quiet) faith, was upset that I was planning on "living in sin" and told me that I was making a big mistake. He'd put his hand on my cheek and said he hoped I could prove him wrong. Carlisle had flat out hung up on Edward when he'd called to tell him we were moving in together. We hadn't heard anything further from him until almost 2 months later when Edward had received an eight page letter full of vitriolic rants, fanatical raving, and bible verses… all boiling down to the points that we were committing an abomination in the eyes of the Lord and fornication was a very serious sin. Edward's step mother Esme had called a few days later and apologized for Carlisle's behavior, saying she would talk to him. She told us he would never approve of our living together unmarried, which we understood, but she hoped he would calm down before he did irreparable damage to his relationship with his only son.

After four years in our relationship and two years of living together, we'd far exceeded everybody's expectations. The turmoil over our living arrangements had died down eventually, and while things remained somewhat strained between Carlisle and Edward we were all able to visit occasionally without resorting to insults or bloodshed.

We knew our current news would blow all of the uneasy truces completely out of the water. I was ready to tear the head off the first person who called my baby illegitimate and Edward was mentally preparing himself for the possibility that his father would simply disown him. I'd only seen him this upset and nervous one other time… the day he'd called to tell Carlisle we were getting an apartment together. I decided if Carlisle got nasty, I would unleash all of my unpleasant, pregnant-woman hormones and tell him exactly what I thought of him. Maybe this wouldn't be such a horrible experience after all…

**Bella**

(June19, 2005; Father's Day)

I decided to let Edward sleep in since it was Father's Day. We didn't have to be at Grandpa Charlie's for the cook out until two pm, and since Carlisle wasn't currently speaking to us Edward didn't need to make the obligatory phone call telling him what a "great" father he was.

We'd had a hard six weeks. First we'd had to wade through the emotional morass of our families' response to our upcoming marriage and child. Not pretty. Rose had been the lone person to not call us crazy or make somber predictions. She loved babies and was excited to be an aunt. Emmett had pulled me aside and told me I could do a lot better than Edward, and that if Edward so much as blinked wrong he would happily kick his ass. I knew he loved me like I was his own sister, but I told him he needed to ease up on Edward. I didn't understand the "hate at first sight" thing that had happened between the two of them and I didn't have the energy to mediate their mantrums.

Renee was incapable of letting anybody be happy and tried to tell me that Edward wouldn't be any better than Phil in the end. My Uncle Garrett and his bitch of a wife Kate told me I wouldn't be any better of a mother than Renee had been and refused to speak to either of us since then. My normally outspoken Aunt Tanya was uncharacteristically quiet on the topic, but I saw her eyes follow me with worry any time we were in the same room.

Grandpa Charlie had actually reacted much better than we'd expected. Instead of getting his Winchester and threatening Edward, he'd simply asked when we were getting married. We both noticed that he'd phrased it as "when" instead of "if", and we knew the Winchester would've appeared if we hadn't had the correct answer. We told him the date, and asked if he would come. He declined because we were only allowed to have four guests at the chapel with us. He said we should invite Edward's parents and Renee and Rose. He also said he hoped we knew how incredibly hard this was going to be and he'd pray we'd work through things and be happy.

Buoyed by the not _quite_ hostile mood most of my family had been in, we'd tried to hold out some hope for our conversations with his parents. That had been a lost cause from the beginning. Carlisle had tried to convince Edward to leave me and demand a paternity test before paying any child support. When Edward kept calmly insisting he knew the baby was his and we were getting married, Carlisle asked to speak to me. He told me I would never be his family no matter what my last name was, and that my bastard wasn't his grandchild. Edward had taken the phone back before I could have the fun of releasing my hormones on him, and told him to fuck off.

Esme called us back within an hour, apologizing for her husband's atrocious behavior yet again. We told her that we had nothing against her, but until Carlisle took his head out of his ass and apologized for himself there really wasn't anything to discuss. I felt somewhat bad because Esme was a sweet person and it would have been nice for the baby to have one sane grandparent in it's life, but I just didn't need her husband's shit at that moment.

Liz hadn't been much better. She and I actually had an almost decent relationship up to that point. I knew her stance on Edward not getting married or having kids until he finished his degree, and she knew she couldn't bully me or chase me away like she had done to his previous girlfriends. We didn't exactly like each other, but we were usually amicable. She had been anything but amicable when Edward had called to invite her to the wedding, and she totally lost her shit when he told her about the baby. She said she was coming to the wedding, but she wasn't happy about it by any stretch of the imagination.

Not long after we'd had the go-rounds with our families, Jake lost his job; unable to pay his share of the rent any longer he'd moved back in with his dad. That put us in a bad spot because the lease ran until August and we couldn't afford the place on our own. We immediately started looking for something we could afford without Jake. Upon finding the tiny half of a duplex near Grandpa Charlie's house, we swallowed our pride and borrowed the money from him that it would take to break our lease and cover moving expenses. We'd been giving him back a little each week since then, despite his protests that we save it for when the baby came.

Two weeks ago when we'd moved, I'd started bleeding after we finally finished unloading the moving truck and Edward had ended up rushing me to the ER at one in the morning. They hadn't done an ultrasound, and they hadn't found a heartbeat on the Doppler. They sent us home not knowing what was going on after a pelvic exam showed my cervix was still closed and there was no more bleeding.

I'd called my doctor the next morning for an appointment and she'd yelled at me for not driving to University hospital. I tried explaining I was closer to Mt. Carmel and we'd felt it was an emergency, but she told me that since I'd been classified as high risk I wasn't to see anybody but someone from her office. She ordered me to come in for an ultra sound and Edward skipped class to go with me, too nervous to let me go alone in case there was bad news.

We'd both been on pins and needles since my very first appointment when we'd learned I was almost 12 weeks along. I'd had several episodes of light bleeding since then, and been referred to a Perinatologist so I could have more specialized care.

She had done an ultrasound, and said the baby was measuring a bit big... closer to 19 weeks than to 18 but she saw no reason to change my due date since we could just be having a big baby. That was when the baby had decided to stretch, every tiny finger splayed as if it was waving to us. She'd managed to capture that image for us and had printed a duplicate of it that I planned on giving to Grandpa Charlie for Father's day.

She'd scheduled my next appointment for 9am on the 24th of June, telling us she should be able to determine gender during the level 2 ultrasound if the baby cooperated. We were excited for the appointment; because our wedding was at 3pm on the 24th and we thought learning the baby's gender would be the best wedding gift we could get.

Fortunately since that last trip two weeks ago I hadn't had any additional bleeding. We'd been told it was most likely caused by a sub-chorionic hemorrhage, and if I took it easy, the thing would most likely mend itself.

When Edward finally got up, I gave him a Father's Day card from the baby. We laughed and joked and just spent time being young and in love. We hadn't had a lot of time to do that with all the chaos we'd experienced, and between his job and his finals for the trimester starting Monday morning… I'd be lucky to see him at all until Friday morning.

After we'd spent some much needed time reconnecting with each other, we went to Grandpa Charlie's for a cookout. Uncle Garrett didn't show up, or even bother to call to acknowledge his father, which upset my grandfather but he admitted the atmosphere was much nicer without Kate around. I wouldn't have cared about their absence if Renee hadn't made a point of "whispering" to Aunt Tanya and Rose that they had been planning on coming until Grandpa Charlie said we would be there. Aunt Tanya pulled out her phone and left a rather nasty message for Uncle Garrett, while Rose told Renee to shut her mouth if all she had to contribute to the conversation were bitchy remarks.

I spent a lot of time swatting inquisitive hands away from my tummy, and repeating over and over again that we didn't need any help picking names. Rose and Aunt Tanya were already in full planning mode and describing their vision of my baby shower to me in detail, while Renee kept interjecting things she knew would upset me, like they should have a game where people have to guess how much weight I gained, or saying they should probably skip having a cake since I was chubby enough to start with, and then pouting when Rose and Aunt Tanya told her to shut up. Emmett, Edward, and Grandpa Charlie were watching the back and forth between the women with baffled expressions, and I was just about as confused as they were. I didn't understand why it mattered about themes and such for a baby shower.

Edward and I made it a point to leave a little early so that we could watch our usual Sunday evening shows, but during the ride home I started having stabbing pains in my abdomen. Edward was concerned, but I thought I had just overdone it and not had enough water. He helped me get settled on my left side in the bed and went to get me some Tylenol and water while I closed my eyes and tried to will the pain away. It seemed to help for awhile, but halfway through Family Guy the pains became extremely intense. I tried toughing it out, but after about 30 minutes I began noticing a definite pattern to the pains and realized I was having contractions. I settled in to watch the clock during our next show so I would know for sure.

"Edward, I'm having contractions. Get me the phone please."

His eyes looked like saucers, "Are you sure, Babe? You're not even 20 weeks yet…"

"I'm positive. They've been about 3 minutes apart lasting 45 to 60 seconds for the past 30 minutes. I need to call the doctor's office."

**Bella**

(Present Day)

On TV or in a novel, that would have been where somebody came swooping in to make everything all better, but that never happened. The answering service at the Dr.'s office wrote my number down wrong. It was almost an hour before I finally got put in touch with the doctor and instructed to head for the emergency room. By that point, I'd given up on waiting for direction and we were halfway there.

Once we'd arrived at the hospital things went from bad to worse with a speed and brutality that was shocking when I looked back on it with the buffer of time.

The ER doctors tried to patronize and bully me from the moment I walked in. They kept telling me I wasn't far enough along to be having _real_ contractions. I heard one laughing to a nurse in the hallway that if Braxton-Hicks were doing such a number on my mental stability I'd never make it through an actual labor. Edward and I sat in a small room for 6 hours before anybody came to do an examination on me. By that time I had started bleeding lightly again, and the jokes stopped pretty quickly.

I was discovered to be 2 centimeters dilated, and the amniotic sack had partially slipped down through my cervix. They immediately put me on drugs to try and stop the contractions. When that failed they tried to talk me into having an abortion. The baby wasn't to the point of medical viability, and there was nothing they could do to keep her alive if she were born. It was mentioned that I was being cruel to allow the baby to die naturally rather than allowing them to kill her in my uterus. They phrased it as "being cruel and letting it suffocate, instead of letting them put the poor thing out of it's misery", but I still didn't see how killing my child instead of allowing her to die with dignity would do anything to ease the situation. Thankfully Edward heard what they were saying to me and told them adamantly that we would not be agreeing to any surgical procedures, to quit harassing me and try to save the baby.

I wanted them to try a cerclage. They were shocked that I knew the term, and I realized immediately they wouldn't have offered if I hadn't known it was possible to stitch the cervix shut. But I also knew they had to be able to stop the contractions for that to work…

I heard a noise on the baby monitor and it snapped my mind immediately into the present. Evan was whimpering quietly, but it was the precursor to him actually waking up and screaming. I checked the clock to see that he'd only been down about 2 hours, but I knew he was going through a growth spurt and that he was going to want another bottle. My son needed me, and I had to somehow pull my head together and go to him.

I took a moment to wipe away the tears I hadn't even felt rolling down my face, then headed for the kids' bedroom. I tiptoed in quietly, carefully avoiding the toys that had _miraculously_ appeared on the floor since Edward tucked Ness in that night. Evan was sitting up in his crib, whimpering softly and sucking his thumb.

I nudged the toys out of the way and lifted my sleepy little guy into my arms. Having his warm, clean baby smell snuggled up against me instantly soothed the ragged pain in my chest. On the now infrequent occasions that memories of Jen overtook my mind, snuggling one of my babies was the only thing that could calm me.

I carried Evan out into the darkened living room and strapped him into his bouncer with the toons on mute while I went into the kitchen to heat water for his bottle. It didn't take long before I was cuddling into the couch with my hungry little guy. I stopped him halfway to burp him, which annoyed him to no end. He never enjoyed having his bottle taken from him, but he was a rather gassy baby so burping was still a necessity. Even at seven months he needed help to get all of the gas bubbles out of his stomach.

After finally getting a decent burp out of Evan, I cradled him to my chest and just sat there, trying to regain control of my emotions before attempting to walk with him in my arms. The night I almost dropped a then 3 week old Ness when a panic attack hit me was still burned into my mind, I never dared to walk with a baby in my arms when I was feeling emotionally vulnerable since then.

-after the main story is done, this could be a good ending- 

I remember the days when I could be in the bathroom for more than 30 seconds without somebody banging on the door and asking me why I was still peeing. I remember the days when a quiet soak in a bubble bath was common occurrence instead of something that happens once a blue moon. I had time for make-up and hair styles and clothing that didn't contain denim or stretch. Edward and I had time for movies in theaters instead of on DVD. Dinners out and nights on the town with our friends had been weekly things instead of every six months or so.

We thought we had it all back then. But back then we didn't have Hug Attacks from our over-enthusiastic daughter. We didn't have cute baby giggles and babbled cries of mummum and dada from our happy little man. We didn't have the memories of pain and of laughter, the tears both happy and sad, that make up a life. I might sometimes wish I could go back to when I had time to be Bella instead of just Mommy when my munchkins are on my last nerve, but I never would even if given the chance.

It is only by going down into the abyss  
that we recover the treasures of life.  
Where you stumble,  
there lies your treasure.  
The very cave you are afraid to enter  
turns out to be the source of what you were looking for.

~ Joseph Campbell


	9. Better to Have Loved and Lost (Twilight)

OK, so this is the little one shot that was never meant to be. In my previous story _The Devil or the Deep Blue Sea_ (already published, look in my stories list)Rose had to choose between Emmett and humanity. This is Emmett's side of the story. It picks up when he calls Nessie at the end of TDotDBS and jumps all over the timelines. You may want to go back and read TDotDBS first for context, it isn't very long.

I believe I was writing this one in 2010, I really wanted to finish it since it was a companion piece to a finished story, but I just never got there.

**EMMETT**

Sept. 5, 2080

Had I known when I set out on the morning of February 24th, 2025 that my whole existence would be ripped apart would I have said "Fuck the grizzlies coming out of hibernation" and sat my ass at home like Rose asked me to? Knowing me… Hell yeah, I would've. It doesn't really matter though, because I didn't. Shit outside of my control intervened, and now I'm getting ready to make the hardest fucking phone call of my… well, for lack of a better word… life.

I grabbed the first cell that came to hand and dialed in Ren's number. It rang twice, which was my first indication that she was upset, because she normally answers on the first ring. Her voice was thick with tears and pain; even though it was obvious she was trying her hardest to sound calm and cheerful.

"Hi Aunt Lana, how are you?"

Lana? I glanced at the cell in my hand and realized it wasn't mine. I chuckled lightly before answering her, "Hi kiddo."

There was a brief pause as she realized her mistaken greeting and tried to inject a little more cheer into her voice. Of course, she wouldn't want me to hear her pain right now; she knew I had enough of my own at the moment.

"Hey, Uncle Em. What's up? Where's Aunt Lana?"

I smiled, thinking of my serious little mate and her penchant for over-hunting before getting anywhere near humans, even after all these years of perfect control. It's just part of what makes her who she is. "She's hunting. We're getting ready to leave Siberia to meet up with everybody else and she still gets nervous about planes."

Now for the information I desperately needed to know… but was terrified to ask for. I wondered idly if Ren would let me take the easy road on this one. "How's Ohio?"

I heard the small hesitation in her voice. Shit, so much for getting off easy… "Ohio's good, Uncle Em."

I stopped myself from just blurting it out, " _Was she happier without me?"_ That is what I honestly need to know. I pray nightly that she never came to regret her decision, but it still kinda hurt that she chose to leave me and I really don't want to find out that it was all for nothing. Now, how to phrase that without sounding like a petulant, whining little douche…

"Was she happy, Ren? Did she make the right choice?"

I heard the genuine smile in my niece's voice this time. "Yeah, Uncle Em, she did make the right choice. She had a really good life."

I closed my eyes, the pain and relief warring briefly in me before relief was declared the ultimate victor. "Thanks, Ren. I love you kiddo, and we should be stateside round about eleven tomorrow night."

"I love you too, Uncle Em. I'll see you and Aunt Lana soon."

I disconnected the line and lightly tossed Lana's cell onto the couch before heading over to the sliding glass door that separated me from the Siberian wilderness I've come to love so much over the years. It was calming for me to sit on our deck and watch Lake Baikal. Irkutsk was close enough to provide entertainment on the rare nights we wanted to get out, and we were less than a vampire's stone throw away from the taiga, which was plentiful with wild boar, wolverines, bear, tigers, and leopards.

I missed living with the whole fam-damily on a full time basis, but our digs were the preferred vacation destination for the Cullen clan due to the righteous hunting opportunities, so I saw them often. Lana and I had discussed many times going back to live in the States, but she was still extremely leery of living in close proximity to humans… and as much as she liked Jake she just didn't trust the rest of the pack. Her disposition was rather cautious and solitary by nature, but she was too deeply rooted in our home to ever take up the life of a nomad.

I took my customary seat on the deck, but for once the incomparable views didn't capture my attention. I nervously wondered where my mate was. She'd been gone for a while now and I was understandably skittish about being separated from her for long periods of time. The last time I went on an extended hunt without my female, I ended up alone and I wasn't willing to take that risk with my mate. We normally hunted together because she understood my insecurity, and she didn't like to be away from me any more than I liked being away from her. But I needed to speak with Ren and Lana wanted to give me the privacy to take in and process whatever information our niece provided before we went to see the family. I smiled fondly at that. It was typical Lana, putting everybody else ahead of herself. She was much like Bella in many regards, that being one of them.

I chuckled as I thought of my favorite sister and my smaller-older brother. I'd long ago forgiven them both for their parts in Rose's decision to leave, and they'd long ago forgiven me for the pain I caused them… but I still gave Edward shit occasionally. Forgiveness had taken longer between Jake and me, unfortunately. Fuck, I'd considered the fur-ball another brother and he'd gone all "anti-leech" on me that night. He honestly would have torched me to keep me from going after her, and while I understood it was bred into him I hadn't exactly been rational at the time. I knew he'd be eaten up with guilt all over again when I saw him, and I fully intended to play that shit to the hilt for a bit. Well, at least until Ren caught on to it and told me to lay off her husband.

After a few hours of woolgathering I looked at the clock and did some quick time conversions. Ren should be landing in Alaska in about an hour. I really wished she had let somebody go with her even if they couldn't chance being seen, but she was her parent's daughter in all ways. Bella's selflessness was bred bone-deep into the girl, as was Edward's steely resolve. She'd browbeaten both Edward and Jake into letting her go alone with a ruthless efficiency that had shocked and amused the rest of the family. Bella, Alice, Carlisle and Esme were all too devastated to go. Jasper offered to go with her, but Ren insisted he stay behind to ease the family's pain. Svetlana offered to go, which was huge for her given her aversion to proximity with humans and considering she never knew Rose… but I couldn't face going myself and Ren didn't want me left alone.

I walked over to grab my phone and called Edward. "Hey, Bro. I spoke to Ren before her flight left Columbus. You and the Mutt may want to be ready for a distraught, weeping, hot-mess of a Renesmee to get off that plane."

"We assumed as much. Jake is already there waiting for her plane, he'll take care of her. Where's Lana, Em? You shouldn't be alone right now either. Are you OK?"

I snickered, "Yes, Worryward… I'm OK. Not gonna lie, Bro… it still stings a little sometimes and knowing she's gone forever hurts like a bitch. Lana gave me some privacy to deal with this shit while she hunts, but she should be back shortly. We'll see y'all soon."

"OK, Em. Tell Lana we all said hi and we'll see you guys when you get in."

I put both of our phones on their respective chargers and headed back out to the deck. I needed another dose of my calm tranquility as I pondered the night my world spun out of orbit.

**February 24, 2025**

I kissed a pouting Rose goodbye and hopped into the jeep with Jasper, impatient to be on the way. Edward, Alice, and Carlisle were supposed to be climbing into Edward's Volvo, but they were taking a damned long time about it.

"Edward!" I laid on the horn in obnoxiously long blasts hoping to hurry him along. "You have all of eternity to play kissy-face with Bella. I want to get to the fucking bears before they're ready to go back into hibernation, let's MOVE!"

Bella shot me the finger over Edward's shoulder as she kissed him again just to piss me off before stepping back from him. "Go on, baby. Nessie, Rose, and I will be fine. Jake is here, and Esme will be home from Denali tomorrow. We'll run up to join you guys once she's home."

Edward was pinching the bridge of his nose and running his hand through his crazy-ass hair like he always did when he got annoyed. "Why can't we just all go up together tomorrow night, Em? One day won't take the cranky out of your grizzlies."

I growled lightly, "No. I'm going today. We've been planning this for three months and I'm not changing my plans just because Mom wanted to help babysit Tanya's newborn while Carmen and Eleazar went on vacation. Besides it's been years since us four guys have gotten to hunt together like this! Alice already said she was sitting out tonight. C'mon Ed, just us guys!"

Edward nodded and stalked over to give Ren a hug and pull Bella into _yet another_ kiss. I directed my thoughts at him. _Hurry it up, Edward. I'd be on the freeway by now except you're blocking me in, asshole!_

Edward finally got into the Volvo and pulled out of the driveway. I blew Rose a kiss, winked at her and then peeled out to catch up with Edward. Jazz blared our "hunting" music for the entire three hour (at vampire speeds) drive. This was the main reason Alice wouldn't ride with us on the trip up, she detested the metal we both loved so much. We loved the driving beats and raw guitars, and it seemed to hype us both up and give our instincts just a bit sharper of an edge.

An hour into our ride, Jazz turned the music down just a pinch. "Rose is gonna be making you pay for this for at least a month, Bro. Good thing we can't get Carpal Tunnel Syndrome."

I chuckled. "Dude, I'm not pussy-whipped like you, Edward, and Dad are." Jazz whacked me in the head and I saw two exceptionally rude hand gestures from the Volvo in front of me. Not my fault they don't like hearing how totally their women owned their balls. "Rose will throw a tantrum in front of you guys when she gets there just to save face, and then she'll ride me like a pony out in the woods all night long."

"Nice, dude… but you know Alice will tell her about this conversation, right? She'll still be pissed because you ratted her out. You just can't totally win with that filly."

I grinned widely, deciding not to let him in on the fact that the madder Rose got with me, the hotter the sex was. Let him and the Pixie think they were screwing things up for me; I was in for a good time no matter what. We both liked it hard and fast… none of the wimpy, emotional, petting crap the rest of the family seemed to enjoy for us, thank you very much. In my darker moments, I secretly wondered why Rose always wanted angry sex instead of soft love making, but the perpetually horny nineteen year old I had been before my transformation wasn't about to complain about steady sex… no matter what form it came in.

**3 hours later**

I dropped the carcass of my second grizzly and tried to decide if I had room for one more. I was starting to feel rather sloshy, but there were small juvenile males coming out of the sky it seemed like. If you got them pissed off enough they scrapped just as well as the older males, and they were small enough for a multiple course meal.

I pushed the carcass over a ravine, hearing bones break and flesh tear as it rolled end over end. If any humans came this far out and found it, it would look like the victim of an attack by an older male, not the meal of a "non-existent" vegetarian vampire. I chuckled quietly to myself and headed off to the west where I could smell another bear.

I'd only gone a few miles when I faintly heard Alice screaming for me. I immediately dropped into a crouch trying to scent danger to her, but then straightened when I realized she would scream for Jazz in the unlikely event she felt threatened for her own safety.

It sounded like she was quite a way off and unfortunately supersonic voices were one power vampires did not have. I cupped my hands to my mouth hoping she was close enough to hear me and not trying to track me through her visions as I had no clue where I was and hadn't made a conscious decision since I'd left our campsite.

"ALICE… WHERE ARE YOU?"

My voice echoed, hopefully giving Alice something to track towards my location. I heard Carlisle's answering shout from northwest of me, but nothing from Jazz or Eddie. Jasper was nearly as fast as Edward and they both preferred felines over bears. They could have been halfway to the Arctic Circle looking for cougars for all I knew.

"Emmett! Carlisle! I need you both!"

Alice was definitely to the southeast of me, so I started in her direction. Being the slowest of the four males, I was pretty sure Carlisle would easily catch up to me before I found her. I'd only gone twenty-five miles when he burst into the clearing I stopped in to get my bearings.

"Emmett? Son, have you heard anything else from Alice? What on Earth is going on?"

I shrugged and put my hands to my mouth again, "ALICE! Where are you?"

We listened, but heard nothing until a shrill shriek pierced the air. It hung eerily in the fog-covered twilight, and we finally heard the far-off sound of answering yells from Jazz and Edward. Whether Jasper was able to hear her or not was debatable, but we should have realized he'd feel her distress no matter the distance.

"Jazz! Eddie! Help us find her!"

Her most recent scream had come from directly east of us, so Carlisle and I tore off in that direction. After about ten miles we were able to faintly pick up the sounds of Edward and Jasper tearing through the underbrush. They were probably still a good thirty miles away and they were coming in from the north of us.

Another wail came from Alice, and she was close. Carlisle stopped short, his face contorted and wild-looking as calm and unflappable Carlisle never looked.

"She's in pain. Do you scent anything that could have hurt her?"

I pulled in a deep breath, but smelled nothing untoward. I shook my head and started running again, Carlisle on my heels. We'd heard Eddie and Jazz steadily closing the distance, and we suddenly heard Edward yelling that he'd found her. We homed in on his voice and blurred through the last few miles.

We pulled up short and turned immediately to scan our surroundings while Edward held a hysterical Alice, trying to calm her. His face was stark. I hadn't seen such a haunted expression since he brought human-Bella home from Brazil knocked up, expecting her to die.

"Eddie, what the fuck is going on here?"

His eyes locked on mine, and I understood. I understood exactly why Jake referred to this expression as the Burning Man.

"It's Rose, she's hurt."

I put my fist through an oak tree that was easily several feel thick, but in my rage I didn't even feel any resistance from the wood.

"What the fuck is going on? What happened to Rose?"

"I don't know, Em. Her mind is all blurred and Jazz couldn't even dent her hysteria. He's packing up now."

"FUCK! You can't tell me my wife's hurt and nothing else!"

Alice heard me and struggled to pull herself together. She reached for me, and I took my tiny sister gently from Edward. She clung to my neck sobbing. I was dying in slow degrees not knowing what was wrong with my wife, but I couldn't ignore the distraught woman in my arms. I smoothed my hand over her tangled hair, making soft shushing noises until she calmed slightly.

"Ali, honey what's happened? What's wrong with Rose?"

Her eyes blinked up at me owlishly, unshed tears shining in them.

"I hardly believed it myself, but it happened…"

I was holding on by a thread, and she clearly wasn't capable of speaking coherently yet.

"Ed… for the love of God, please. What is going on?"

He winced and began speaking quietly, "She had a vision of Rose being attacked by a werewolf. A Lycan, not a shifter. She didn't see anything other than Bella making the decision to take Ness and run leaving Jake and Rose to fight it, and Rose falling."

I heard the scream echoing well before I recognized it was coming from my own throat. As strong as Carlisle was, he was struggling to restrain me, and Alice was back in Edward's arms obviously having another vision.

"Emmett! You need to calm down, son. Let Edward call Jake and find out what happened!"

Alice finally seemed to snap out of her little trance, fighting to free herself from Edward's grasp.

"She's human! She's not dead, Em… somehow the Lycan's bite reversed her change. She's hurt but not fatally!"

"Let go Carlisle! I'm leaving to go to her NOW! I have to change her back…"

"Son, she might not want…"

I threw him off and screamed over my shoulder, "I don't give a fuck what she thinks she wants! I'm changing her back!"

**4 Hours Later**

My traitorous family ringed me, not allowing me to chase after my fleeing, and now-human, wife. It was taking all seven of them to keep me contained, and while I was trying my hardest to avoid inflicting damage on Alice and Ren I had no such compunction with my _former_ favorite sister.

Bella hadn't even taken the time to reattach the arm I ripped off of her, knowing if she turned her back for a second I'd be through the weak spot. Ren and Edward flanked her and her asshole dog-in-law to prevent them from taking any further damage, and I impassively surveyed the two broken legs Jake was painfully dragging.

I knew he'd have to phase so Carlisle could straighten the bones before they set incorrectly. His accelerated healing slowed slightly when he was in his human form, and when he phased I would have my chance to escape and track down my wife. Jake finally shuddered into human form and collapsed behind my niece, reaching for a pair of shorts from the stack Ren always kept on the porch for him.

"Em, I had to bro. She didn't want to be changed again, and I had to protect her. It's fucking well what I was born to do man! I begged her to think about it before she decided, but then you went all fucking gung-ho, batshit-crazy leech on us!"

"Fuck you, mongrel! Don't call me bro again! Why the fuck would you feel the need to protect my wife from me, I'd never fucking hurt her!"

He looked at me with sad eyes, "Dude, if you had changed her against her will, it would have hurt her! She never would have forgiven you. If you could've calmed down and given her time you probably could've persuaded her to let you do it! Her mind was all fucked up and she fucking panicked!"

I swung back to face Edward, my rage intensifying at the look of guilt he was wearing.

"I had to tell her the truth, Em."

"Fuck you, too Assward! I never fucking interfered with your private business, did I? Not when you left Bella devastated, alone, and in fucking danger. Not when you were crying on Tanya's shoulder the whole time and letting her "comfort" you. Not when you were planning on staying there with her… Oh wait, you never told Bella you tried to use Tanya to get over her, did you? Well there's some truth telling that should have happened before you forced her to choose between death-by-Volturi or marrying you!"

The last of the fight went out of Bella when she saw the look on her husband's face, and Ren caught her mother as she collapsed. Both women were obviously devastated, and even through my insane rage I felt bad for the emotional devastation I'd just intentionally inflicted on them.

That split second of remorse was enough for Carlisle and Jasper to get behind me and subdue me. Jasper gripped my neck while Carlisle got my arms twisted up behind my shoulders, forcing me to my knees. I struggled and snapped at them in vain, but I knew I couldn't escape this hold with all of my appendages still attached.

We heard an engine coming down the drive. Esme saw the commotion and the wreckage we'd made of her gardens during the struggle as she pulled up. Her happy smile faded as she stepped out of her car, and her butterscotch eyes missed nothing.

I could only imagine what she was thinking as she took in the scene of chaos.

Jake was writhing on the ground in pain with obviously broken limbs. Jasper and Carlisle were desperately attempting to contain my wild struggles. Alice was simultaneously trying to calm Ren and comfort Edward all while keeping him out of Ren's reach. Ren crouched over the hysterically sobbing Bella protectively; hissing and growling any time Edward so much as twitched a finger towards his mate or her still detached left arm.

"What in the Hell is going on here?"

That quiet, icy tone froze the entire lot of us; even I was not immune to the barely contained rage in Esme's usually soft and warm voice. Nobody spoke and her face continued to twist in anger, her voice becoming quieter and icier with each passing second.

"Somebody had better answer me… _now_!"

All eight of our voices started in at the same time, but even with vampire hearing I wasn't really making any sense out of the cacophony, and apparently Esme wasn't either because she placed her fingers to her lips and whistled loudly. Silence descended again.

"Carlisle, why don't you release Emmett and then tell me what is going on around here."

I smirked, "Excellent idea, mom!"

"Emmett, hush. I have no idea why your father and brother are holding you down, but I do know there has to be some reason for this. We are going to act like adults for ten minutes and sort all of this mess out. Now."

Jasper ducked his head like a good Southern boy, knowing his charm and manners usually softened Esme.

"Ma'am, we'll have to decline your request to release him for the moment. You'll understand why when this is all explained."

"I won't fucking run!"

Carlisle's voice sounded just a little strained, "If we let you go, Edward is likely to rip you to shreds. Just quit fighting us so we can keep him from you!"

"Fuck Edward! He's so fucking keen on telling wives the truth? He should have started with his own!"

I'd hardly finished the sentence before my windpipe closed, rendering me incapable of further speech. I knew rage lent a certain strength, so by my conservative estimate Edward was somewhere in the neighborhood of "Stratospherically Pissed Off" as he was holding me easily with one fucking hand. In all the years I'd known him, he'd always seemed more man than vampire, and was often underestimated by others because of his gentle, Victorian-era demeanor… tonight I was seeing nothing but the vampire in him, and I had to admit it was a little bit nerve-wracking.

In an attempt to ignore the feelings of intimidation caused by the furious vampire shaking me like a dishrag, I looked over his shoulder. Carlisle and Jasper were getting back to their feet from where he'd obviously tossed them both off of me like wet noodles. Alice was holding Esme back from the fray and begging Edward to let me go. Ren was trying to tend to both her mother and her husband, but she took enough time to shoot me a venomous glare and a hiss. Or maybe it was directed at her father's back, I really couldn't tell.

I felt my throat cave in a little before Edward's hold eased slightly and I sucked in just enough air to rasp out, "Go ahead. Kill me."

He pulled me closer and spoke quietly, almost gently, to me.

"No. You still believe in souls so you won't do it yourself, and I'm certainly not going to do you any favors by doing it for you. What I said to Rosalie was nothing but the truth motivated by my concern for her wellbeing. What you just said to Bella was a lie wrapped in exaggerated scraps of truth motivated by your anger and jealousy, and I'll probably lose my wife and daughter over it."

"You deserve it..."

My feet brushed the ground again, but his fingers tightened cutting off my words. I felt the imprint of his hand sink deeper into the marble of my throat.

"I hope Rosalie finds some nice human man, falls utterly and completely in love with him, and forgets all about you. I will spend eternity praying he gives her a house full of babies that look just like him… like you never could."

His hand tightened, and as I felt my neck giving way I prayed never to awaken in this world again.

**3 weeks later**

Esme and Carlisle sat by my side the entire time I was healing, Which took longer than it should have because my throat was too mangled for them to get any blood into me. Knowing I could hear them on a purely sub-conscious level. They told me of the pain that engulfed the entire family when Bella and Nessie left. They spoke of Rose's phone call begging their forgiveness for leaving abruptly and expressing her desire to remain human. They told me how they'd promised to convince me to let her go.

When I regained the ability to speak, I begged them to release me from the promise they'd made. They wouldn't. They were relentless and used every form of parental guilt available. In the end I finally gave Carlisle my word I would not hunt Rosalie down, and the moment I was completely healed I left, hoping never to see any of the Cullens again.

**Emmett**

Sept. 5, 2080

I scrubbed my hands over my face and touched the side of my throat softly. I could still feel the slight indentation of Edward's fingers even after all these years. As always happened when that particular memory came to mind, I was overcome with shame for the pain I intentionally inflicted on Bella. As a human her insecurities were her kryptonite, and that particular trait carried over during her change. I knew that. We all knew that. I played on that knowledge; at the time not caring how far-reaching the ramifications would end up being.

I had a sudden urge to hear my little sister's voice, so I headed back into the house to call her. I knew she was working an overnight at the hospital, so I tried her office line hoping to catch her between rounds.

"Hey Em-bear. What's up?"

"Alice told you I was gonna call, didn't she?"

She chuckled softly, "You know she did. Quit wallowing in the past, Em-bear."

"Did I ever apologize to you for being such a massive douchetard that night, B?"

"For ripping my arm off, or for nearly causing my divorce?"

I whimpered lowly, still unable to forgive myself for the heartache I put my favorite siblings through.

"Emmett! Stop, you _know_ I was kidding. You only called to apologize every hour of every day for the entire first week after you met Lana. I forgave you quicker than I forgave your brother, which still irritates him to no end."

"I've never dared to ask him, since I still have his fingerprints embedded in my throat and I never want to see him that pissed off again… How much sucking up did it take before you even listened to him?"

"Well, it took Kate and Garrett showing up for a visit about three months after Ness and I moved out. Kate came to see us and told us the real story."

"Why didn't Carlisle say anything to you? I know he would have demanded some sort of explanation from Edward."

"He and Esme felt so much guilt over forcing you to let Rose go that they swore they would never involve themselves in issues between mates again."

"He never said one word about it for all that time at the hospital? That must have been some serious guilt."

"The most he would do was pass along a note from Edward every night, and after he watched me throw it away he'd ask me to call Esme to let her know Ness and I were doing OK."

"Jesus, Bella I'm so…"

"STOP! I mean it, Emmet Jeremiah McCarty Cullen Rusilov… quit wallowing. It's done. Edward and I know you didn't mean it. Ness and Jake know you didn't mean it. We love you, you are family and sometimes that means blind forgiveness no matter the pain."

I choked up a bit. Even knowing I'd long ago earned their forgiveness and love back, it was sometimes hard to accept.

"Yes ma'am, Dr. Masen. No more wallowing. I'm sure you have rounds soon, so I'll see you when we get in tomorrow. Love you, Bells."

"Love you too, Em-bear. Give Lana a hug for me."


	10. Bella (Twilight)

This was one of my earlier one-shots in Twilight. Looking back over it now, I think I enjoyed writing the AU in that fandom more than trying to keep it anywhere near canon-compliant. Pretty sure this one was late 2009 or early 2010. I liked it, it was a good story but I was never in love with it and I didn't fight too hard when I lost my motivation for it. It never even had a title, always just called BELLA in my files.

**BELLA**

"Have fun bowling tonight, Bells?"

The mere sound of my father's voice triggered an unpleasant sensation of "beyond pissed off" and I knew detonation was imminent.

"Hey, Charlie… why don't you turn off the fucking game. We need to talk."

My father's bulging eyes and slack jaw were _almost_ funny, but I was too enraged to laugh at his "fish out of water" expression. He'd interfered in my life one time too many in the past year, and I was going to extract his word he wouldn't do so again or I'd be packing tonight. He regained his composure rather quickly, and was starting to look rather irate himself. I knew if he blew his top, the conversation would be over before it began. Not wanting that to happen, I held up my hand to forestall his outburst.

I took my jacket off and displayed my arms to him, showing him the marks that were obviously caused by huge hands that had wrapped violently around my biceps. I also pushed aside the collar of my sleeveless polo shirt to show a similar mark on my throat. I saw his initial shock turning to rage in his eyes, and I knew the conclusion he was coming to. So before he could even ask, I answered him.

"No, Charlie… Edward would never lay so much as a finger on me. Jacob Black, on the other hand, is sitting in the Port Angeles jail right now." I exhaled loudly, hoping that taking a deep breath and a second to compose myself would prevent me from completely losing it.

"So, here's the deal... You are going to swear to me that you will stop telling him where Edward and I are going, and stop encouraging him to break us up or I am moving out tonight. After Carlisle and Esme had to come get us and saw the condition we were in, they were more than happy to offer me their spare room until Edward and I leave for college."

"Bells, I didn't tell Jake where you were going tonight!"

"Riiiiiiiight," I cocked an eyebrow, not quite ready to believe him on that one. "Because you and Billy Black haven't been planning on a wedding between me and that psycho for the past 16 years already, have you? And you haven't told him in the past where I'd be so he could come and try to break up a date, have you? And you haven't asked him to swing by Rose's house to make sure I'm really there on girl's night, have you?"

I didn't give my befuddled father a chance to reply before I dashed up the stairs to grab a set of clean clothes and my necessities for in the morning. When I came back down to join him, Charlie finally seemed like he was pulling together enough coherency to defend himself.

"Now hold on just a minute, Isabella! Billy and I have never hidden the fact we hoped you two would end up together, but I wouldn't try to _force_ you to be with Jake. As far as the rest of it, I stopped telling him where you were and who you were with last fall. The last straw for me was when he showed up at that football game _drunk_ and looking to start a fight with Edward. I've NEVER sent Jake to the Hale's house to check up on you. That is going a little beyond being a "concerned friend" and heading towards "stalker". Why didn't you tell me he was showing up in places he shouldn't be?"

"Honestly? Because I thought you knew what he was doing. You made no secret of it the first few times you told him where I'd be and that you hoped he would be able to come between me and Edward."

"What happened tonight that you're all bruised up?"

I sighed and leaned against the doorway to the kitchen.

"Edward went to the bathroom and to get us some drinks between games, and as soon as he was out of sight Jake came in through the side door and grabbed me. He tried to pull me towards the door but I screamed and struggled, so he grabbed both of my arms and started shaking me. He was yelling at me, telling me enough was enough and demanding I break up with Edward. I told him even if I wasn't with Edward, I wouldn't be with him; that's when he grabbed my throat. Edward came back with the manager, who had already called the cops. Jake shoved me aside and tackled Edward, and slammed his head into the concrete floor; then he shoved the poor elderly alley manager to the ground before running out and getting caught by the cops in the parking lot vandalizing Edward's car. I was going to drive us over to Port Angeles General, but Jake had taken the time to slash all four of the Volvo's tires. He was working on the windows and lights when the police showed up. I called Carlisle and Esme and they came to get us. Esme dropped Edward and Carlisle at the hospital then brought me home so I could get my truck and head to the hospital myself."

Charlie was apparently in shock. He couldn't quit gaping at me as his mouth opened and closed wordlessly.

"I'm sure you'll be getting a call soon to work your voodoo police magic and spring the psycho, so I'm gonna go to the hospital to deal with the detective and visit Edward, then I'm going home with Esme to keep her company tonight. She's just a _little_ upset… what with her son being assaulted and all. I'm sure you understand."

I stepped into the kitchen to grab my keys and make a quick sandwich since Edward and I hadn't been able to make our dinner reservations. Charlie followed behind me, still slightly dazed.

"Bells, I swear to you… I did not tell him where you were going to be tonight. I have never sent him to the Hale's house to check up on you. Yes, last year I was hoping if Jake was persistent you'd give him a chance. But you made it clear who you were picking, and I was being honest when I said I quit encouraging him after that football game."

Charlie leaned against the counter and ran his hands against his face. He looked pretty upset and against my better judgment I felt myself softening a little. I wasn't willing to give him the power of knowing that though… he'd used "dad guilt" more than once to plead Jacob's case with me.

Charlie sighed, "I've actually told him to back off a few times since then. I know I haven't really given Edward much of a chance, but I don't think I would be different with any boy you dated, Bella. I just thought since I knew Jake so well I could trust him not to hurt you. Apparently I was wrong."

"Fine." My tone of voice indicated that it really wasn't fine, but I didn't want to fight at the moment. "I sort of believe you, but I'm going to the hospital and I'm still staying with Esme tonight. A detective from Port Angeles is supposed to be there soon to talk to both of us and get pictures of the injuries. I know you and Billy are close, and you've always treated Jake like your own son… but if you want me to stay here he is not allowed in this house again."

Charlie slumped at the shoulders, looking soul-weary. I knew exactly how big of a demand I was making, but I was making it anyways.

"Dad, I know this will cause issues between you and Billy, but Jacob has been verbally aggressive in the past, and tonight he got physical. I will not live here if he is going to be allowed access to this house. I will be pressing assault charges and filing for a restraining order. Edward will be doing the same, and since the car is in Carlisle's name he will be pressing charges for the damages Jacob caused."

"Of course he won't be allowed here anymore! Do you really think I'd pick my friendship with Billy over your safety?"

"I don't know, Charlie." I picked up my keys and gave him a pointed look before I walked away, still talking to him over my shoulder. "I guess I'll find out when Billy tries to have you talk me into dropping all the charges and not getting the restraining order."

I drove to the hospital still in a rage. I kinda wanted to believe Charlie, but he'd made his preference for Jacob too well known for me to be completely convinced.

I ran into Esme in the hallway and she told me the detective was already talking to Edward. I told her what Charlie had said, and that I had already informed him of the legal steps I would be taking. I was trying my best not to get teary, because that wasn't going to solve any problems, but the shock of the evening was wearing off and the anger and fear were converging on me.

"Bella," Esme was carefully looking everywhere but at me, "Do you believe your dad that he didn't tell Jacob where you would be tonight?"

"I really _want_ to, but I'm not sure that I completely do. Even if he didn't tell Jacob, he probably mentioned to Billy that we would be out bowling tonight. That's as good as telling Jacob, because Billy has always acted proprietary towards me when it comes to his son. Charlie said he wouldn't have forced me to be with Jacob, but I sometimes get the feeling that Billy would force it if he could."

"I'm glad you noticed that, dear. Billy has made comments within Carlisle's hearing in the past several months about Edward taking you away from Jacob. I'm actually quite worried for your safety even if you're granted an order of protection against Jacob, because it won't include Billy and Billy doesn't seem … stable."

"Well it can be easily solved. Billy won't set foot anywhere his son isn't welcome, and Charlie swore he was no longer welcome at my house. I won't go to La Push, not even to the beach. Jacob doesn't go to our school and after that fight he started last year he isn't allowed on the property. We don't have any other friends in common that he can use against me."

"Promise me that you'll be extra careful anyways, dear. Let Mike walk you out to your truck after your shifts. If you're not with Edward make sure you have one of your other friends with you, preferably one of the boys. Please feel free to come home with Edward if your dad is working evening shifts so that you're not home alone at night. I just have a bad feeling and I want to know you'll be safe."

"I will be careful, Esme. I promise."

She smiled and patted my shoulder, "I know you will. I just worry about you like you're my own. I don't think I could have hand picked a better girl for Edward if I'd tried to."

Carlisle came walking down the hall towards us, and he had a small smile on his face which relieved my worries on the severity of Edward's injury. My face must've been displaying my every thought because Carlisle chuckled and reached over to ruffle my hair before hugging Esme.

"Yes, he's fine, Miss Worrywart. He's displaying mild confusion, but no loss of cognitive ability. He didn't remember Jacob slamming his head into the ground, but he did remember being tackled. How about you? You've got a bit of a knot on your head too…"

I reached up, feeling the goose egg that was forming. "I fell when Jacob shoved me aside. I knocked my head on the ball return machine, but I don't think I hit it hard enough to do any damage."

Carlisle grabbed his penlight and flashed it at my eyes. I was old hat at being checked for concussions due to my inherent klutziness, so I dutifully moved my eyes back and forth, up and down so that Carlisle could check the reactions of my pupils.

"I don't think you have a concussion, sweetie, but I'll give you a script for a few 800mg Tylenol. That will keep your head from hurting. In fact, I'll run down to the hospital pharmacy and have it filled for you while you talk to the police, OK?"

I nodded and Carlisle walked down the hallway. A few moments later, we heard a door opening farther down the hall, and a familiar man came towards us. I groaned, not believing that after the shit I had already dealt with tonight that fate had one more epic "Fuck You" planned for me.

His black hair was shorter and dusted liberally with gray, but his copper skin and brown eyes hadn't changed a bit since I'd last seen him. "Hello, Harry. I'm guessing you're our Detective?"

He nodded and I cursed loudly, earning a reproving look from Esme. Before she could mom me to death about my lack of manners, I made the introductions.

"Esme, this is Harry Clearwater. He is a Quileute and last I knew him, he was best friends with Billy Black. I'm sure you understand why I'm less than pleased to see him here."

She gasped and her eyes narrowed on him, "Isn't this some sort of conflict of interest, Detective Clearwater?"

He nodded gravely to her, "Yes ma'am. I wasn't aware that Bella was the female victim when I came out here. Charlie and I go all the way back to Academy. After I spoke with your son and he told me who his girlfriend was, I called my partner to come handle this case. He should be here soon."

I tilted my head to the side and eyed Harry warily, "How soon will you be letting the psycho out? I'm sure Billy's already called you and started raving about tribal loyalties so it shouldn't be long."

A sadness passed over his features before he slowly shook his head.

"Things are different than the last time I saw you, Bella. The tribe was OK with me being a cop here in Forks, but when I jumped at the chance for the PA job while you were in Arizona, the council went ballistic. I was moving, taking the daughter and grandchildren of an Elder off of Tribal Lands. We're no longer members of the tribe. When Sue refused to divorce me and stay, they removed all of our names from the tribal records."

I was dumbfounded, "Why didn't Charlie say anything? I know you guys still go fishing and stuff…"

He chuckled, "I'm sure Charlie never even thought to mention it to you. You weren't close to Leah, and Seth was only a baby when Renee took you and left. Charlie and I don't talk about it because he's still friends with Billy and I am a forbidden topic in La Push."

His eyes shifted past Esme's shoulder and he smiled. We both turned to see who had caught his attention, and I gasped as my Biology teacher walked up to Harry. Well, it was my biology teacher, but not really. His eyes were slightly different without his reading glasses, and I'd never seen him in anything but his lab coat and khakis. Seeing him in a suit and tie was almost unreal…

"Mr. Banner?"

He looked at me and amusement crinkled his eyes, "I'm guessing you're a student at Forks High? I'm John Banner, Jason is my twin brother. Anytime I'm in Forks I get all kinds of questions about mitosis and whatever else he's teaching. I sucked at science so I don't answer your classmates. I think poor Jay may have gotten an undeserved bad rep for being standoffish with you kids because of me."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I don't believe he's ever mentioned a brother, but it makes sense now. Are you our new detective?"

He nodded and looked to Harry with a quirked brow.

"Sorry I had to call you out tonight, John. The female vic is Charlie Swan's daughter. I'm too close personally. Come with me and I'll introduce you to the male vic. I don't know him or his parents personally, so his official statement to me should be fine for you."

Harry led Detective Banner back towards Edward's room just as Carlisle came back around the corner from the pharmacy. He gave us a puzzled look, "Wasn't that your Biology teacher?"

Esme and I both broke into hysterical giggles while Carlisle stood there with an indulgent smile on his face. It was pretty clear he thought we were both insane and he was just humoring us until we snapped out of it.


	11. Inversion (Twilight)

Way back in the olden days of 2009, when a much younger Sage started writing fanfiction, there was a site called Twilighted. As I'm sure y'all have guessed, it was specifically for Twilight fics and there was a nice and highly active community of people who enjoyed talking on the message boards. I don't know if Twilighted is still up or not and the sentimental part of me doesn't want to go check only to find it's gone. One of the things that happened on those message boards in the days Pre-Reddit was story challenges being posted.

This story came about due to a challenge prompt, but it took on a life of its' own and was far too long for the challenge (I've never been accused of brevity of the written word). I decided to just finish it as a one shot, but alas that never happened either. This is one I would love to have the muse whack me in the head so I could finish it off.

**BELLA ~ 1922**

One hundred years is a lot of time to wander the Earth, and being alone for most of that of time was unbearable for me. I despaired early in my second existence, but I had no idea how to go about ending the Hell on Earth I had been sentenced to. I tried to starve myself, but found that made me dangerously feral and unsafe to be anywhere remotely near humans. I tried jumping from great heights, but there was never any real damage to my body. I tried ingesting poisons, but they refused to stay in my system. After years of fruitless attempts, I gave in and accepted my fate.

My last clear memory before awakening from the fires of Hell was of a red-eyed fiend calling me a tasty little morsel. I refused to be like that vile creature and harm a human for my own sustenance, so I quickly learned to feed on the blood of animals. I found after several months it changed my eyes from the demonic red I hated to a pretty golden color. I was able to be out and about in towns and villages I passed through after that which greatly eased my sense of isolation, if not my desire for companionship. Being an anomaly amongst my own kind and an abomination to the humans around me made it difficult to find any type of meaningful connection.

Finally, in 1917 I stumbled across someone who would possibly be able to understand me, someone who might wish to be my companion. Maybe even someone who would love me…

Carlisle turned out to be an excellent companion, and since both of us were so dreadfully tired of being alone we tried to encourage a more lasting bond to grow between us. He courted me as a proper lady should be courted, and I returned his gentle flirtations demurely. He escorted me about the city to plays in the evenings and to the gardens on cloudy days. I listened raptly to his engaging discourse about literature, the sciences, and his travels, and encouraged him to talk about his work as a physician.

We both knew it was half-hearted on my part. I tried, Lord above knows I did. He was handsome as sin, gentle, thoughtful, witty, and intelligent. I felt great love for Carlisle, but it was the love one would give a treasured brother. Neither of us wanted to admit we were ill-suited because we were the only two of our kind in existence. Our golden eyes and desire to live peacefully among the humans made us curiosities and objects of scorn to our more vicious kindred, but nothing more.

One night in 1918 we were walking back to my loft from a night at the theater when I decided I had to make one final effort. When we reached my door, I turned to Carlisle and kissed him. I was hoping for a spark, or any small indication that we could have a grand romance if I simply tried harder. Unfortunately, I felt no passion. He knew it within seconds, and broke from my lips.

He held me as I cried and told me he would always treasure me; that he would be happy to call me his sister and we could still see the world together.

We left Chicago early in 1919 and traveled to Wisconsin. Carlisle was a much-needed physician in the sparsely populated area we chose for our residence, and as his "widowed sister" I was in great demand as a mid-wife. For two years, our life was peaceful and idyllic.

Then the new schoolmistress came. She was also a widow, and in a greatly advanced stage of pregnancy. When I examined her to find out how advanced she was I discovered the woman was still healing from a horrific beating. She begged me to keep silent, as she had run from her abusive husband hoping to save her child. I convinced her to allow Carlisle to examine her to rule out injuries too severe for my skills, promising neither of us would reveal her secret. He came home from her bedside distraught and in an uncharacteristically violent frame of mind. He wanted to run that night to her former home in Ohio to destroy her husband. I convinced him not to.

I was called the next night to attend the birth of her son… it was far too soon, but there was naught I could do to stop the labor. He was undersized, and I could hear an abnormality in the thrum of his heart. I gave as much counsel and encouragement as I could to the new mother, hoping the wee mite would prove me wrong and thrive. Two weeks later, Carlisle and I stood by the young mother's side as she buried her child. Her wails of pain would haunt my ears for decades to come.

I returned from a hunt three nights later to find a panicked Carlisle standing over a screaming and writhing Esme. He had gone to check on her, only to find she left a note and went to the cliffs to end her pain. He was unable to stop her from jumping, but was able to get enough of his venom into her system to prevent her death. He begged me to understand his rash decision. He admitted he had met her previously. She broke her leg in 1911 when she fell out of a tree while observing a nest of baby birds. He was instantly enchanted by the young girl and felt a connection to her he didn't fully understand. He knew he would have to leave her hometown immediately. He couldn't bear the thought of being around as she grew into a woman and married another man.

I smiled, as I thought back over the year that followed our abrupt departure from Wisconsin. I left that night with Esme. I took her to a remote cabin Carlisle built in the wilds of Canada in case we ever needed a place to escape to. It was only a three hour run for the two of us, but it was a journey of at least three days for the humans, so we were confident we were far enough away to prevent discovery.

Carlisle put it around that I had gone home to help our older sister in Boston during her confinement. He joined in the search for Esme's body, and played the part of grieving would-be suitor to the hilt. It had not gone unnoticed by the town gossips how he watched her with admiration, so it shocked no one when two weeks later he announced he was going home to Boston as well, that the memories were too hard to bear.

I was glad to have Carlisle on hand full time, as Esme was far less controlled than I had been upon awakening. She craved human blood, and couldn't find the resolve to abstain. I had to stay by her side every moment, because if an especially strong breeze brought her the distant scent of a passing hunter she would be off like a hound tracking a rabbit. It became easier to persuade Esme to hunt animals once Carlisle was in residence, although she became aggressive and territorial towards me for several weeks. We finally had a blow out, where she accused me of trying to keep Carlisle from her. He and I were both shocked to discover she felt the same connection to him that he'd always felt for her.

Now I was standing behind Esme, putting the finishing touches on her hair. Her nervous honey eyes sought mine in the mirror and I smiled calmly. "Come along, sister. You have a man waiting impatiently for you down at the altar."

"You truly don't mind, Bella?"

I smiled again. "I love him dearly… as my brother. I know Carlisle told you he and I tried to form a more intimate relationship while we were in Chicago and it wasn't meant to be between us."

She hugged me tightly, murmuring into my ear, "You will find your forever, Bella. I feel it."

**BELLA ~ 1952**

My brothers were engaged in yet another inane argument about whether or not Les Paul and his electronic guitars would change music or fade to obscurity. My sisters were arguing over clothes, again. Esme was unsuccessfully trying to mediate their arguments, while Carlisle and I looked on in silent amusement.

Our family had grown considerably over the past 30 years, and I now had a whole passel of siblings to keep me company. Sometimes, it was even enough to numb the loneliness and pain that I carried in my un-beating heart. I thought back over the expansion of our family, remembering how each of them joined our lives.

Carlisle came in carrying a screaming, mangled human one day in 1933. We were living in Tennessee, and he came across a young man who was being mauled by a bear. He immediately confessed he hoped that this would be the man to capture my heart, so he brought him home for me. I was greatly annoyed by Carlisle's presumption, but the human was incredibly handsome so I resolved to do my best to find affection for him.

Emmett adapted easily to our lifestyle and showed interest in me, but as with Carlisle my own attentions were half-hearted. Emmett was very astute though, and realized quickly my flirtations were forced. He grabbed me in a head lock, told me I would be the best little sister ever, and then dragged me off to hunt hoping he could find yet another bear to avenge his human death on.

In 1935, Emmett came home carrying a young blond woman who had been assaulted and beaten within an inch of her life. He knew he didn't have the necessary restraint to change her, but he couldn't bear for her to die. Carlisle saw the expression on Emmett's face and knew he couldn't deny my brother his fated lover. Rosalie joined our family rather unwillingly, angered at losing her chance for a family of her own. Despite our vows to preserve human life whenever possible, we looked the other way and allowed her to avenge herself on the men who brutalized her before we left the area. This seemed to help her disposition somewhat and she quickly fell deeply in love with my clownish big brother.

In 1936 I found myself once again arranging hair; blond this time instead of rich caramel, and a much fancier style than Esme's preference for simple chignons.

"You're sure you don't mind, Bella?"

I smiled indulgently at my little sister. "Rose, it will take a woman as feisty as you to deal with Emmett, Lord knows I couldn't do it. He's my brother; there was never anything more between us."

I was hugged tightly and heard the familiar words whispered in a different voice. "You will find your forever, Bella. I feel it."

In 1947 a scarred, battle-weary Jasper Whitlock showed up on our doorstep. His empathic nature had driven him to the brink of insanity because he was forced to feel everything his victims felt. He ran from the coven of one of the most sadistic perpetrators of the Southern Wars, after having been her enforcer for more years than he cared to remember. He tried living the life of a nomad for a few decades, but was still unable to outrun his guilt. An old acquaintance of Jasper's who also escaped from the Southern Wars told him of the rumored animal-drinkers. Intrigued by the chance to find peace by abstaining from human blood, he sought us out.

Carlisle was once again hopeful for me. Jasper and I were of similar temperament and we enjoyed similar pursuits. Though he was undeniably handsome, and a gentleman of the highest caliber… my heart felt nothing more than sisterly affection. There were no failed attempts at awkward flirtation between us as he could feel my lack of romantic interest immediately.

We became very close confidants, and he would always turn to me when his bloodlust was strong. I was usually able to calm him. Of all of us, he had the hardest time adjusting to a diet of animal blood. He also had the strongest reason to adhere to our diet, so he continued to fight, even when we thought he would cave under the pressure of his insatiable thirsts.

In 1950 we were living on the outskirts of Philadelphia. Jasper decided to go visit some of the historic sites during an overcast day. When he didn't come home that evening or the next, Carlisle and I set out to look for him. We were easily able to trace his scent until we came to a small diner. There was another vampire scent mingled with his, which we followed for about 2 blocks, but then it began raining rendering the trail unusable.

We returned home, ready to proclaim our failure, only to be met at the door by Jasper. His joy was uncontainable and he was throwing it off so strongly we couldn't even be annoyed by his thoughtlessness. Before I could work up a good snit to use, I was pounced by a tiny, energetic pixie of a vampire. I panicked for a moment, but she quickly stepped away with her hands raised, asking me not to attack her.

That pixie came to be my best friend and dearest sister, Alice. She knew due to her gift of precognition that we would be the best of friends, which is why her exuberant nature led her to hug me. She backed away from me so quickly that night because her vision showed me not reacting well to her affectionate attack.

In 1951 I stood behind Alice, smoothing her normally spiky short hair into sleek pin curls, when the anticipated question came.

"You're sure you don't mind, Bella?"

I laughed, "Some psychic you are, Ali! Of course I don't mind that my very best friends love each other so much. You two balance each other perfectly."

I was pounced by the enthusiastic little bundle of energy and heard the same words Esme and Rose had whispered to me. "You will find your forever, Bella. I feel it."

**Edward ~ 2010**

"We're moving where?" I knew I heard my mother clearly, but I couldn't believe this. They wanted to drag me away from my few friends and everything I had ever known three months before I started high school.

"Forks, dear. It's in Washington State, north of Seattle. Your dad was offered Chief of Surgery, but since it's a smaller hospital he won't be putting in 60-hour weeks on top of teaching. You know Northwestern is killing him."

I knew I was being selfish and petulant by resisting this move, but I had a hard enough time making friends in a huge, diverse school. I had a feeling this little Podunk town they were dragging me to had been inhabited by the same five families for the last fifty years. Everybody would know everybody else. Nobody would have room for a "new kid" in their group once the initial fascination wore off. I wouldn't actually be any more isolated than I was in Chicago, but I would feel it more acutely.

My lack of social life was mostly of my own doing. I wasn't interested in acting like someone I wasn't to win approval. I wasn't interested in dating some brainless twit just because my male peers deemed her physically attractive. I had no use for drunken parties, getting high, or worshipping at the altar of the school jocks, and in turn my peers had no use for me.

I picked up the stack of boxes my mother dropped for me and started packing. Trying to force some optimism, I told myself there was no way it would be as bad as I thought it would be.

**BELLA ~ 2012**

The past 50 years have been a time of learning for me. My odd ability to block my blood lust and to help curb Jasper's was finally explained by Carlisle's old acquaintance Eleazar. I have a Shield. After about 25 years of non-stop practicing I learned to manipulate it to my smallest whims. Alice can't see my future unless I allow her to. It annoys her to no end. Jasper can't feel my emotions unless I drop my protective layer. When I physically manifest the block around my body, nobody can touch me. I've learned to project mental protection around the rest of the family, but so far I can't block physical attacks for anybody but myself. Jasper and I are still working on that.

The past 50 years have also heightened my sense of isolation, which is both hard to comprehend, as I am never alone, and understandable as I am the sole unmated member of our family. I seriously thought of leaving them a few times, but I would miss them too much. I've made it a practice over the last 20 or so years to just shield myself at all times and put on a smile so they don't know how desperately alone and sad I usually feel.

When our time in London expired, it was Rose's turn to pick where we lived. She wanted to return to the area where she had first fallen in love, so that she and Emmett could renew their vows. I almost rolled my eyes at her reasoning, but I stopped myself. It wasn't Rose's fault she was blissfully happy and I wouldn't allow my acquired cynicism to ruin her moment.

When we had the family meeting to discuss Rose's choice of location, I was asked to drop my shield so Alice would have all available information to work with. I sat quietly, trying to concentrate on controlling my darker emotions around Jasper. I didn't really care where we went. I knew it was too soon to return to my estate in Ireland, so anywhere was fine by me. When Rose confirmed her desire to return to Hoquiam, Alice gasped and broke into excited little bounces which soon overwhelmed the entire family as Jasper lost his fight to contain her over-exuberant joy.

"We're going to Forks. It's near Hoquiam, Rose so don't get in a snit. You and Emmett could even do the "newlywed" thing again and live at the Hoquiam house if you wanted. Esme, you're going to _love_ the house I saw us buying. It will be _gorgeous_ … your showpiece for sure! Oh, you're an architect this time and Carlisle will be a surgeon of course. I think Rose and Em are in Hoquiam, because I don't see them with us in school, but the three of us are juniors this time and Bella…"

Jasper finally had to place his hand over Alice's mouth to stem the excited little pixie's tirade. We all thanked him. Ali can be a bit much when she gets on a roll like that.

We've fabricated a decent cover story over time, which gives us several years in one location if we're careful. Ali is adopted and usually starts in her first year of high school. Rose and Jasper are foster kids and we start them in the second year of high school. They play twins, as do Emmett and I. I was slightly older at my turning and Emmett is huge. We usually start as third or fourth year students since neither of us can convincingly pass for less than 17, and that's usually a stretch. Our features and coloring are similar enough to Esme's that we are introduced as her orphaned niece and nephew.

After some hemming and hawing, Rose and Em did end up deciding to live at the Hoquiam house and visit us every few days. This left me without my bodyguard. Rose's evil-eye and bitchy school persona were enough to scare boys away from her and to keep most girls from hitting on Em, and in turn he pulled rank as my over-protective brother to keep the boys away from me. Jazz projected waves of discomfort towards anybody who tried to approach Alice inappropriately. Humans seemed to instinctively fear him more than the rest of us; so hormonal teenaged girls didn't often bother him.

I scowled at the innocuous brick building as we pulled into the parking lot for our first day at Forks High. Alice saw my glare and giggled merrily. Whatever she foresaw at our family meeting that pertained to me, she had decided not to reveal. She just kept promising me I would be happy.

I wrapped my physical shield tightly about my body and opened my mind so Jasper's and Alice's gifts could keep tabs on me. I also wrapped them in a mental buffer to help them keep their thirst in check. We had developed this system years ago. Not having Em and Rose with us actually made things a bit easier for all of us. Our gifts didn't have to be stretched as thin with fewer family members to monitor.

Jasper collapsed to his knees as the desolation I worked so hard to conceal from the family flooded him. Ali's head snapped up as her mate's pain and the removal of my block triggered a vision. They both turned to me with bleak, hurt eyes. Neither had been subjected to my unguarded mental state in the past several years. I'd decided not to attend school in London and I kept myself off of their radars as much as possible.

"I'm sorry, Jazz. Would you prefer I stay shielded? My control is excellent and I can drop it if I need you…"

Alice grabbed me, and I wasn't sure if she would hug me or shake me at first. Finally she broke into dry sobs and wrapped her tiny arms tightly around my neck. "Bella, I know you've been lonely, but that can change! I swear it! I saw you happy here when I had that vision at the family meeting. I wanted to tell you everything, but the vision changed when I did… Please, trust me?"

I sighed deeply and wrapped my arms around her back. "I trust you, Ali. I'll try, OK?"

Jasper got back on his feet, the pain he was still feeling clear in his eyes. "Let me help you, Bella. Nobody should have to feel like that."

I smiled and forced calmness in my mind. His shoulders lost their rigid set and he smiled without humor. I knew he wasn't buying my act, but he was willing to let me be as long as my depression wasn't debilitating any longer. He hooked an arm around Ali's tiny waist and she smiled up at him. Pain ripped through me again as I could literally feel the connection between them at that moment. Jasper winced a bit and gave me an apologetic expression, so I smiled as convincingly as possible for him. Sometimes I honestly preferred dealing with Rose and Em's overt sexuality to the intense emotional depth between Alice and Jasper.

I looked once more at entrance of our latest prison before forcing a grin that convinced all three of us that I meant it. I let myself slip into my modern school persona and said, "Let's rock this joint."

**EDWARD ~ 2012**

I scowled as I pulled into the parking lot at Forks High. I vaguely remembered the pep talk I tried to give myself before leaving Chicago, when I decided Forks couldn't be as bad as I thought… Yeah, I'd been completely wrong.

Forks was everything I initially thought, unfortunately. Everybody wanted to get to know me, so they could be the first with the gossip. This place ran on gossip like it was an alternate fuel source. Within three weeks of my first day at this school, I was labeled a homosexual. It was certainly news to me since I was quite attracted to females. Apparently refusing to ride the town bicycle and turning down a few bubble-headed cheerleaders meant I went the other way. Who knew? Then I had to turn down a few of the boys… quite vehemently. I was halfway afraid some one would think that I was in to animals and offer to introduce me to their livestock, but thankfully it was decided I was just incredibly stuck up.

I went with it; I didn't mind being labeled the Ice King. There weren't any girls I wanted to put any effort into impressing, and as expected nobody had room in their clique for a quiet guy who wasn't in to drinking or sports after the newness wore off. I decided after my freshman year to quietly finish my sentence and escape to college where I could meet people with more than two working brain cells.

My plan was going well until this past summer. I hit a growth spurt that put me over six feet tall and redistributed my weight. I didn't think much of it until the flirting with me at the beach started and refused to let up no matter how many times I rebuffed their advances. Ben and his girlfriend Angela thought it was hilarious and offered to start a fan club for all the lust-addled idiots.

I parked and saw Ang leaning against her car three spaces over. She and Ben were the only people in this Godforsaken Hellhole I ever spoke to. They were both incredibly shy and quiet, so the three of us kind of naturally gravitated together. I nodded to Ang and headed over to wait for Ben with her. We saw him waiting to turn in behind a car that was definitely too fancy for this place. My third-hand used Volvo was in better shape than most of the teacher's cars, so I couldn't even imagine who that sleek blue machine belonged to.

"Are we getting new kids, Ang?" I crossed my fingers. New students would take the focus off my supposed "too good for Forks" attitude. Hopefully there was a guy so the skank patrol would have fresh meat and quit trying to tempt me. I shuddered at the mere thought of letting one of those girls touch me. Maybe there'd be two guys and one would miraculously be gay so my male fan club members would have fresh tail to chase too…

Angela tilted her head and thought for a second. "Ya know… my dad did mention a new surgeon starting at the hospital. He and his wife don't have children of their own, but they have an adopted daughter, his wife's orphaned niece, and a foster kid."

Ben was finally in the parking lot and he pulled his decrepit Chevy truck between my car and Angela's ancient Ford Tempo. He bounded over in high spirits and grabbed Ang for a hug and a kiss. She responded with a pretty blush and a giggle. I turned my head and let them get their hushed whispers of love out of the way for the morning.

Sometimes it killed me to see the quiet connection between them. They were the couple who would get married; then 50 years later tell their great grandkids all about how they were high school sweethearts, and never doubted their love for even a minute.

I recognized it, because my parents were exactly the same. They met in high school, and never looked at anyone else. My mom said that even through the brutal years my dad was doing his residency and all of the insane hours he worked up until we moved to Forks, nothing seemed to dim their connection to each other. It was both awe-inspiring and completely deflating to live in the shadow of such a genuine love. I knew I could never settle for less, but I sincerely doubted I would ever find it.

I let my eyes roam over the parking lot while Ben and Angela were still absorbed in each other. Jessica and Lauren caught my idle gaze and began their typical mating dance of pushing out their wonder-bra enhanced chests and trying to fluff their over-processed hair. I shuddered and swept my eyes away from their disturbing display.

My eyes caught on three figures I didn't know at the end of our row. The two girls were devastatingly beautiful. The tiny one had short black hair and the slightly taller one had long brown hair, but they both had delicate features and heart shaped faces. Looking at the brunette made me nervous, so I turned to the third figure. The tall blond boy at their side had a lanky frame and an intense look. He would probably top my own six feet two inches and he had an intimidating vibe. His eyes were hard until he wrapped an arm around the smaller girl. She smiled at him and I winced. Another transcendent love story to watch unfold. Fabulous.

Apparently the brunette felt the same way, because I thought I saw a flash of pain on her face. I realized I must have been mistaken when I heard her inane Valley Girl voice saying something about joints, and I shuddered again. Great… yet another brainless stoner twit in this school. Hopefully this one wouldn't bother me with her pathetic attempts at flirting.

I slapped my hand down lightly against Celine (yeah… Ang named her car) and told the dynamic duo I'd see them at lunch. They both fluttered their hands at me lazily from mid-kiss, and I felt the throb of pain again. The new kids were passing, and the boy snapped his head to give me a searching look almost as if he heard my mental anguish. The tiny girl watched me with amused eyes, but the brunette passed as if I didn't exist, her annoyingly perky voice admonishing the other two to hurry so they wouldn't be late.

I scanned for any friendly faces when I finally got to my first period American History class. Ben and Ang had gym this period, and I had no desire to end up sitting with Jessica. I noticed the new guy sitting alone in the back corner just as he turned to face me. He grinned lazily and motioned me to join him.

For some reason a shiver ran down my spine as he watched me, but since I was the last one in the door the only other empty seat was next to Jessica. She gave me what I'm sure she thought was a seductive look and patted the desk. I cringed and headed for the blond guy mentally steeling myself for that odd sense of disquiet again…

 _Lesser of two evils, Edward. It's this or Jessica and you know you don't want to be that close to Jessica for an entire year._

I smiled as I took the seat and stuck my hand out. "Edward Masen, nice to meet you."

He smiled back and shook my hand. I almost winced at the feel of his cold, hard skin. His voice was oddly melodic and had an accent I couldn't quite place. "Jasper Whitlock."

I busied myself with getting my pen and notebook ready, my brain going a million miles an hour. _OK… so that was weird. He feels like a fricking statue. He also feels dangerous. I'm not usually nervous around people, but he makes me jittery._

Mrs. Alton came in and started handing out books, effectively putting an end to my internal monologue. After she was finished she asked Jasper to introduce himself. Every head in the classroom swung around to focus intently on the blond boy, and he looked non-plussed at all of the attention he was suddenly getting. I felt a flash of sympathy for him.

"Well, I was born in Texas. I have an older sister named Rose. She's married and they live in Hoquiam. Dr. and Mrs. Cullen are my legal guardians and have been since I was about three. We just came back from a few years in London where Carlisle was teaching some program at Oxford. Ummm… that's about it. I'm pretty boring."

He dropped his head and started reading his text until people gave up on hoping for good gossip and faced the teacher again. Once he didn't feel any more eyes on him, he turned to me and muttered, "Are they always like this with wanting information?"

"You got off easy since you already have a girlfriend. They all decided I was gay when I didn't want to date any of the brainless tarts that were throwing themselves at me."

He snickered quietly, "Great. That type of place. So how many guys am I gonna have to beat off of Bells then?"

"Bells? Who's that?"

"Well, for all intents and purposes, she's my sister. The brunette I had with me this morning? I saw you checking her out, am I gonna have to breathe down your neck too?"

Though he said it lightly, I had a feeling he wasn't teasing. He would defend the ditzy little brat if need be. I decided to let him know he didn't need to worry about me.

"Yeah, I wasn't really impressed. I don't go for the brainless Valley Girl types, hence why I haven't dated anybody else in this school. But since she is exactly what all of the meathead jocks around here like, you'll have plenty of people to keep an eye on."

I shrank back a bit when I heard the low growl rumble out of his throat and saw his eyes had darkened somewhat. "Don't insult my sister, Masen. She's smarter than any three people in this place combined, including you. Stay away from her. She doesn't need any douche bags messing with her head."

He turned his attention back to Mrs. Alton, and I wondered how this was going to affect my ability to concentrate in class. This guy completely intimidated me, and I apparently just offended the living Hell out of him.

I was starting to think maybe I should switch my seat and just try to ignore Jessica, when Mrs. Alton announced a partnered writing project on any topic of our choosing that directly contributed to the beginning of the American Revolution. She went around the room assigning partners and finally came to me.

"Mr. Masen, you and Mr. Whitlock will work together. OK people, shake hands and get used to your partner, because they aren't changing this year. Your rough drafts are due in two weeks and the final paper will be due the week after that. Two thousand words, and be ready to give an oral presentation. We'll be doing at least one major project and several smaller ones per quarter. The big ones will count for one quarter of your quarterly grade. I suggest you don't put this off to the last minute."

I banged my head repeatedly against my desk, wondering what vengeful god of old I had crossed this morning.

"Stop it, Masen. I'm not thrilled either, but apparently I need what little brain you have to stay intact if I plan on acing this class. And I do plan on it, capisce?"

I glared at him and heard him call me a prima donna under his breath. We proceeded to ignore each other for the rest of the period instead of starting on our research like the rest of the class.

The bell rang and I followed him out into the hall when I realized he hadn't given me any contact information. We were going to need to get started immediately to get done on time. "Don't walk away from me, Whitlock! We still have to work together, damnit!"

He turned and growled at me again, only this time it sounded like an enraged animal rather than a pissed off man. I froze instantly, my eyes going wide as his darkened to a black color. "Back off, Masen. I'll deal with you tomorrow when I cool down."

He was dismissive of me one time too many and I was too angry not to respond, not even bothering to consider my rather public location. "Hey! Don't patronize me, Whitlock. Just because I didn't think your airheaded sister was cute…"

He looked behind me and his face slackened with shock, but then instantly went tight again. I turned to see the two new girls looking at me like I crawled out from under a rock and realized they heard every word out of my mouth.

Remorse instantly settled in me. I really didn't know the girl at all. I heard something completely out of context, made some assumptions, and used it as an excuse to take my bad mood out on a total stranger. My parents would be completely ashamed if they ever heard how disrespectfully I had just treated a female.

My immediate instinct was to apologize, but I got lost in her angry butterscotch eyes.

**BELLA**

Alice and I had English first period, directly across the hall from Jasper's history class. It would take awhile to get used to the small building and hearing several different simultaneous subjects in the same hallway.

Since Alice and I both had the same history teacher for our third period, we were eavesdropping on the lesson when Jasper started teasing the red headed boy I had noticed that morning about checking me out. Alice squealed quietly and whispered that she told me she saw him staring at me. I was getting ready to deny it again when we both heard his reply to Jasper. Alice's golden eyes shot wide then clouded over, while my fingers tightened into the desk leaving small divots.

I felt my eyes stinging and started to blink rapidly, almost as if I were fighting off tears. It was bad enough that I was constantly surrounded by inhumanly gorgeous men who saw me as nothing special, now I had mortals finding me lacking as well. I wasn't sure if I was more upset at being called brainless or at being rejected outright before I expressed any interest. To make it worse, he was the first male I'd ever felt pique an interest in me.

Ali patted my hand and started talking fast enough that only Jasper and I would hear her. "I don't know how to tell you this now, Bells… but that is the guy I saw you with in my visions. I _still_ see you with him…"

I snorted loudly, drawing the attention of every eye in the classroom. The teacher, Mr. Berty, looked non-plussed by my interruption.

"Is there an issue with the assigned reading, Ms. Swan?"

Normally, I would have made an excuse and apologized profusely, but my dander was already up, so my mouth got away from me.

"I'm not the greatest fan of D.H. Lawrence, Mr. Berty. _Sons_ _and Lovers_ was just his attempt to reconcile himself with what he felt was the waste his mother made of her life by "marrying down", although if she hadn't he wouldn't have been around to whine about it. He also deals with the concept of emotional incest quite a bit… it makes one wonder what kind of a messed-up life the man had."

Mr. Berty sneered at me, "Well since you saw fit to ruin the reading for everybody else, I'll just go ahead and mark it completed. Everybody, thank Ms. Swan for your first A in my class. Ms. Swan, you will read Jean Rhys' _Wide Saragasso Sea_ and have your report in by next Monday."

The bell rang and we started out to meet Jasper. He looked furious and was being followed by the red-haired boy. We heard him tell the boy to back off, followed by the jibe that Jasper's anger was because the boy didn't find me attractive and yet another insult to my intelligence. Jasper obviously felt the pain the boy's words caused me, because his face hardened dangerously.

The boy saw that Jazz's gaze was fixed over his shoulder. Ali and I both saw him tense and heard the gasp of breath he sucked in before turning to look at us. I tried very hard to reign in my anger with this impudent child, but I don't think I was successful. A myriad of emotions washed across his expressive face before it settled into shame. He looked at me, and I noted that his eyes were the clearest green I had ever seen.

I settled my face into a dispassionate mask and looked over the boy's shoulder to Jasper. "Hey Jazz, care to help a mental deficient find her next class? Ali's heading to the other end of the building, but you have chemistry this period, right?"

Jasper gave Alice a quick kiss and muttered they needed to talk about her vision before turning and offering me his arm with a deep bow.

"Yes ma'am. It would be my delight to make sure you arrive without incident to your next class."

Ali and I giggled. He knew we both loved it when he pulled out his Old South manners and Texas twang. Ali tossed us a wave and danced off down the hall to head for her French class. I curtseyed to Jasper and took his arm before I broke out what Ali called my "Southern Belle-a" voice. "Why thank you, kind sir. I'm afraid there are all sorts of ill-mannered louts roaming about today."

We started off but I couldn't resist throwing one look over my shoulder. The boy was leaning against the wall and running both hands through his hair as if he were trying to yank it out. Jazz caught my look towards the boy. "He really does feel horrible about that."

I quirked my eyebrow, "And yet… he said it to start with. Perhaps he needs a lesson in not voicing every random thought that runs through his mind."

"Ah, don't be like that, Bells. He was feeling some kind of emotional turmoil this morning in the parking lot and then I pissed him off; he's just having a bad day."

"Hey! You're supposed to be on my side! What happened to 'Stay away from my sister, douche bag' huh?"

He grinned happily, "You have got to tell Emmet about that one. He'll never believe it unless you back it up! Here's your class, Bells."

He dropped a kiss on my forehead and sauntered down the hall to his own class, leaving me standing there somewhat stupefied. Five minutes ago he was threatening that boy, and now he's defending him? Lord, save me from men and their mood swings!

I stepped into the classroom and headed for the back corner. Science was the one subject I still enjoyed, but I wanted to keep myself out of the direct visual path of the teacher as much as possible. Unfortunately, I'd had to test into this AP class, and even with trying to dumb myself down I'd scored higher than anyone else. I didn't want the teacher thinking I was interested in being his pet for the year on top of that.

A familiar scent hit my nostrils and I looked up to see the boy walking in, with a teacher directly on his heels. I looked around the room and cursed my luck. The only open seat was next to me, of course. The teacher must've realized it at the same time I did.

"Edward, there's an open one in the back corner. Go sit so we can get started."

There was still remorse etched into his features as he took the seat and slowly turned to face me, "Can we talk for a second?"

I kept my eyes to the front of the room effectively dismissing him.

"No."

"But I just wanted…"

"I really don't care what you wanted to say."

"Look, I'm really sor…"

I held my hand up toward him, stopping his forced attempt at apologizing. "If I hadn't overheard that remark you wouldn't feel like you did anything wrong. Now, stop speaking to me. You don't like me, since I'm such an airhead. And I most assuredly don't like arrogant little Emo boys like you."

I saw him pinch the bridge of his nose out of the corner of my eye. Then he held his hand out toward me like he wanted to shake. "I deserved that. Since we have to be lab partners can we at least try to start over?"

I took his hand and saw him try to hide his reaction to the feel of my cold skin. "Bella Swan."

He smiled then, and it erased a bit of the anger I felt for him. "Edward Masen. Can you ask your brother not to kill me, please? I have to work with him in history."

I smirked, "I make no promises. Jazz gets highly offended when men speak badly of ladies in his presence."

He winced and I turned back toward the front where Mr. Banner was starting to explain his syllabus.

I tried to pay attention after that, but I kept feeling his eyes on me. I finally shook my hair down over my shoulder so that I could hide behind it. I didn't know if I would be able to handle working with him, but since this was an advanced class I couldn't exactly offer to partner with a weaker student. I resolved myself to not speak with him unless it had to do with class and deliberately tuned out the part of my brain that was acutely aware of him.

**EDWARD ~ 6 months later**

I watched Bella walking down the hallway with her siblings. She was giggling about something Jasper whispered to her and the sunny smile that haunted my dreams lit her face up. I never saw her smile unless Jasper or Alice were around, so I enjoyed it while I had the chance.

I'd been so wrong about her. She was one of the smartest people in school, although she tried very hard to stay out of the spotlight. Other than her weird little feud with Mr. Berty, that is. It was common knowledge he was still miffed with her for ruining his first assigned reading project and subsequently looked for any excuse he could find to give her extra essays.

She also turned out to be one of the most genuinely nice people anyone could ever hope to meet. She had a kind word for everybody, and even though she didn't date or go to parties nobody started rumors about her.

I was the only one who didn't benefit from her sweet personality. Even Ben and Ang loved her, and they didn't make friends easily. When Ang heard about my verbal stupidity on the first day of school, she whacked me in the back of the head and didn't speak to me for three days. I knew it was my own fault, but it still killed me that any attempt I made at conversation was politely rebuffed. Bella never failed to acknowledge my morning greeting in biology, but she never looked at me when she responded.

Every slight rejection drilled through me like an ice pick. It hadn't taken me very long to realize why she'd set me on edge from the first moment I saw her. She made me nervous because I felt _something_ when I looked at her. I trivialized her because it made me feel like that something didn't matter. Unfortunately, my big mouth had written a check my ass couldn't cash that first morning. While Alice and Jasper had forgiven me within the first couple of weeks, Bella hadn't even been interested enough to listen to an apology.

Alice and I actually managed to strike up an odd sort of friendship after she got done shooting me nasty glares. We had gym and trigonometry together in the afternoons and we were fine as long as I didn't mention Bella. I tried, exactly one time, to get her opinion on how I could get into her sister's good graces. Her eyes did that freaky darkening thing that Jasper's did when he was in a mood, and she told me that Bella would determine when or if she ever wanted to talk with me.

I'd hoped Jasper would be a little easier to maneuver around, but he was also extremely close-lipped when it came to his sister. However, we did find, once we got done with our male posturing, that we worked exceptionally well together. I wouldn't exactly call Jasper a friend, but he was definitely someone I could talk to at school.

I was starting to give up any hope of Bella ever speaking to me. Jasper noticed my lack of concentration and unhappy sighs in history and asked what was wrong. Normally, I would avoid any mention of Bella in his presence but today I was feeling pretty sorry for myself.

"I think your sister is going to hate me forever, man. I've tried apologizing. I've tried getting her to talk. I know I hurt her feelings, but after being around her I know how wrong I was about her. I let some stupid assumptions stop me from getting to know her and I regret it every day."

He gave me one of the deep, searching looks I had come to expect from him. It freaked me out, like he was trying to read my mind or something. He turned to the windows and appeared to be debating something with himself. When he turned back to me, his face was intense and I shrank back not even bothering to hide how badly he scared me sometimes. He noticed my reaction and softened his face, but his voice let me know he was deadly serious.

"Do not make me regret this, Masen. I will talk to Bella… _once_. If she asks me to drop it, I will never mention you to her again. If I convince her to speak to you and you put your foot in your big mouth again, I will break your jaw. If you ever hurt her again, I will hurt you. Are we clear?"

I felt the shiver of fear that always ran down my spine when Jasper displayed any strong emotions, and nodded silently. He reverted to his normal sarcastic self and picked straight back up on where he was with his portion of our outline for the paper we were doing about Gettysburg, but I couldn't just drop the weird feeling I got from him. He didn't say anything about my continuing preoccupation and just let me drift along until the bell rang.

I saw him meet up with Alice and Bella as they left their English class. He dropped a kiss on Alice's forehead before she headed the other way, and wrapped an arm around Bella's waist as they slowly followed along behind me towards our respective science classes. I took my seat and covertly tried to watch the door. I saw Jasper talking to her out in the hallway, but her back was to me. I couldn't tell if she was angry with Jasper and his face was completely blank. She could very well be telling him that she never wanted to speak to me, and that hurt for some reason. After what seemed like years he pulled her into a hug and kissed her cheek before heading down the hallway to his chemistry class.

I immediately glued my eyes to my study guide, hoping she hadn't caught me trying to spy on her private conversation with her brother. I felt her coming down the aisle towards our table and saw her from the corner of my eye as she slipped past me to her seat. I looked up and smiled at her before telling her good morning as I did every day.

Usually she answered in a coolly detached voice, but this morning she actually made eye contact with me and smiled softly, "Good morning, Edward."

I hoped every day for six months she would eventually respond to me so I could try to start an actual conversation, and when she finally did I got too lost in her eyes to think of one clever thing to say.

**BELLA**

Ali and I were keeping half an ear on Mr. Berty, but as usual the man didn't have anything remotely insightful or interesting to say. I saw her eyes glaze over for a few seconds, and then she turned to me with a wicked little smile on her face.

"You should listen in on Jazz and Edward."

I rolled my eyes at her, "I have no interest in what that boy has to say, Ali."

"Nope, you need to hear this. It's time for you to quit hiding from him and acknowledge that he is the first male who has ever affected you. At least listen?"

I nodded stiffly and let the chatter from the different rooms filter through my ears until I focused in on Jasper's voice.

" _What's wrong, Masen? You look like somebody shot your dog."_

" _I think your sister is going to hate me forever, man. I've tried apologizing. I've tried getting her to talk. I know I hurt her feelings, but after being around her I know how wrong I was about her. I let some stupid assumptions stop me from getting to know her and I regret it every day."_

Alice grinned widely, silently voicing an I-Told-You-So before we both listened in for Jasper's reply. He was silent for a few moments and I honestly thought he might leave the boy hanging. When he finally did reply, his voice was harsh and we could both hear the telltale spiking of a heart rate that indicated he was scaring the boy.

I snarled softly before I even realized I was going to. I heard Jazz laugh almost silently and Ali started bouncing in her seat. Jazz's voice floated across the hall, "Territorial much, Bells? I'm not gonna hurt your human, sweetie. I need him to pass this damn class, it's all partner based."

Alice choked on a giggle, drawing Mr. Berty's disapproving stare towards us. "Ms. Cullen, Ms. Swan… is there an issue? Perhaps you wish to voice disapproval of Dickens, Ms. Swan?"

I smiled as sweetly as possible, "No, Mr. Berty. I'm quite fond of Dickens, although I far prefer _A Tale of Two Cities_ to _Oliver Twist."_

"Well then, I'm sure you wouldn't mind doing a report on _A Tale of Two Cities_ that compares and contrasts it to _Oliver Twist_ in addition to your assigned essay would you, Ms. Swan?"

My pleasant tone of voice never wavered, but I allowed the man-child to see a hint of the predator on my face. "Of course not, Mr. Berty. My pleasure."

His smug expression faltered and his heart stuttered before he turned away, and Ali placed her hand on my arm. "Bells, you can't threaten the teacher."

I hung my head, feeling completely out of sorts. "I'm so sorry. I have no idea what is going on with me today."

"You have unresolved issues with your mate. You've never been in love before. You're scared of letting go and trusting somebody after all of these years… take your pick."

The bell rang, saving me from answering Alice, and we met Jasper in the hallway. I saw the sad look on the boy's face just before Jazz wrapped his arm around me and started walking me along, slower than even a human's pace.

"You heard us, obviously."

I nodded, keeping my eyes on our feet.

"He meant it, Bella. When we were talking he was emitting desperation. Whenever he sees you he feels love. I doubt he acknowledges it as such because he barely knows you and humans really do have trouble accepting love at first sight… but it's there just the same."

"What do I do with all of this, Jazz? He's human. I can't even begin to explain to him why he's feeling such a connection to me when I hardly understand it myself."

"You really only have two options, sweetie. You take a risk and chase your happily ever after… or you let him go, knowing you'll be alone forever. Ali has seen you two happy together, even after what happened earlier this year. Since you probably weren't making decisions regarding him…well you can piece that together."

We reached the door of my classroom, and Jazz turned me so my back was to it. He smirked but quickly settled his face into an expressionless mask.

"Your boy is dripping anxiety right now, Bells. He knows I'm only trying one time, and it's killing him that this may be his last chance with you."

"Why'd you turn me away from the door?"

"Your poker face sucks. He can't tell how this is going from my expression, and I felt like tormenting him a little bit. Now, compose yourself and go talk to your mate."

 _My mate... they've both referred to him as my mate now. It explains why his derision hurt so badly, and it explains why his smile affects me._

Jasper dragged me into a hug and kissed me on the cheek, "Quit over-analyzing. Either give the boy a chance, or tell him you want nothing to do with him. Gotta go."

I observed the boy as I slowly entered the classroom. He appeared to be studying, but his notes were upside down and his shoulders were incredibly tense. For some reason, his display of nerves softened me.

I took my seat and he turned to greet me as he did every morning. Usually, I pretended his voice didn't affect me and his words were of no consequence. I could continue to ignore him and guarantee myself eternity alone, or I could take a chance.

"Good morning, Edward."

He seemed to space out for a moment while he was looking at me, but he shook it off and his smile lit up his face. He started to open his mouth again, but I placed a finger over his lips. They were so soft, and warm. I almost forgot why I needed to postpone the conversation I knew he wanted to have when his smile fell. He thought I was shutting him out again.

"We're taking a test today, Edward. This conversation will be longer than the few minutes we have."

He nodded and I started to lower my hand. He grabbed it and looked at me sadly, "I really am sorry about everything, Bella."

I smiled gently and squeezed his hand once before pulling mine back, "We'll talk later, OK?"

"Lunch?"

"Do you really want the entire cafeteria staring at us and trying to listen in?"

"I can meet you in the parking lot after school. We can go somewhere if you want…"

"I'd like that. Can you take me home afterward? I don't want to make Ali and Jazz wait for me."

"Of course. Bella… thanks for at least talking to me."

I had a lot of trouble the rest of the day. First, I forgot to dumb myself down for Mr. Banner's biology test and answered every question correctly. I consistently kept my test scores in the lower range for an A, not wanting to draw his attention any more than I already did on a normal basis. Then I actually tripped in the hallway. I vaguely remembered being rather clumsy as a human, but I never so much as stumbled any longer. Of course Jasper had to witness that moment. He even managed to snap a picture with his phone and text it to Emmett, I wouldn't be living it down in this century.

I wasn't paying any attention in Spanish, and of course teachers can tell when you're really checked out. For the first time since I'd been impersonating a high school student I had to ask a teacher to repeat a question and was lectured about my inattention. Then I forgot to shield myself in gym class and one of the boys pretended to "trip" so he could catch himself… on my breasts. Fortunately, the teacher ran over immediately because I was raising my hand to slap the insolent little brat, which more than likely would have broken his neck. He was sentenced to three weeks of in school suspension, which mollified me until I heard him telling his vile little friends that it was worth it.

My mood was definitely black as I stepped out of the school after gym. Not even the sight of Edward laughing with Jazz and Ali could lift my spirits any. My thoughts must've reflected on my face, because his happy smile fell away. Ali saw his expression change and turned to glare at me until she got a good look at my face.

"Sweetie! What's wrong?"

I sighed, "Everything, Al. I screwed up on my Bio test. I fell in the hallway and your jackass of a boyfriend sent a picture to Emmett, so I'll never hear the end of it. Mrs. Goff caught me zoning out in Spanish and everybody laughed at me. Then to top it all off, I wasn't paying attention to my _surroundings_ and I got groped in gym class."

Ali and Jazz both caught my implied meaning and exchanged a worried look. It was almost unheard of for me to not physically shield in public. Jazz's face was dark with anger, so when Ali's eyes glazed over and she gasped I assumed she saw him confronting Newton.

"Edward, you can't do anything. I'm sure Mr. Joiner handled it."

Huh? Edward had no reason to care if I was groped on a daily basis, but a look at him showed me the same angry expression Jazz was wearing. I was slightly confused and figured I should ask an expert. I lowered my tone to something Edward couldn't hear and asked, "Jazz… are you influencing him?"

Jasper shook his head and closed his eyes. I felt calmness roll through me. Edward's shoulders relaxed and the anger faded from his expressive face. He still looked concerned, but I would take that over rage any time.

He placed one hand against my face and the other rested lightly on the curve of my waist, which shocked the Hell out of me as I was firmly shielded and had been since the Newton incident. "Are you OK, Bella? Whoever bothered you, me and Jasper can kick his ass if you want."

He looked over his should to confirm Jasper would indeed help out if it came to ass kicking and received a tight nod from my brother. Ali was not doing a very convincing job of hiding her own shock, and finally broke in, "Edward, I know you two had plans, but can I borrow Bella for about 10 minutes? You and Jazz can work on your outline some more and we'll be right back, OK?"

I smiled at him and stepped back so his hands would fall from my body. I felt the light snap as my shield closed. Curiouser and curiouser… apparently my shield yielded to his touch rather than dissipating. Nobody had ever been able to penetrate my protective covering, not mentally or physically. I dropped it just before Alice grabbed my hand and started trotting towards the field behind the parking lot.

Once we were out far enough to be away from Edward's hearing range she spun around and whisper-yelled at me, "What the Hell is going on with you today? You _fell_? You _forgot_ to shield? A _human_ managed to take you by surprise? Bella, really? How did I not see this? Your day looked pretty good in my head."

I held up a hand, "Chill, Al. I didn't decide to do any of the things that happened, so you wouldn't have seen them until afterward. I screwed up in my classes because I was thinking about _him_. I still don't know how I managed not to see that freshman I tripped over. I was so irritated with myself for letting him distract me all day that I must've dropped my shield without realizing it. You know I have to think about keeping the physical block up."

She nodded thoughtfully and turned to Jasper for his opinion. He nodded slightly and turned back to his History paper, before Edward could realize Jazz was participating in two conversations. "I just want to know why you were so freaked out when he touched you, Bella. He's your mate. The electric feeling…"

"I'm not denying he's my mate, and I know what that means, Jazz. I was shocked because my shield was up and he was able to touch me anyways!"

His head snapped up, drawing Edward's gaze over to us. Ali and I did our best to appear as if we were having a lighthearted girl talk until he looked away again.

Alice's eyes were so wide I was starting to fear they might pop out of her head. "So your human just reached through an impenetrable barrier that not even a vampire's strength can breach? Emmett is the strongest vampire any of us know and he can't even dent your shield!"

"He touched my face and my waist. I felt the shield snap closed when I stepped away from his hands. I can't explain it. Maybe he has a latent talent. Maybe it's the whole mate thing. Do you and Jazz mitigate each other at all?"

She shook her head, worrying her lip between her teeth. "How much are you going to tell him?"

"I'm not telling him anything relevant."

"Why?"

"Uhm, let's see… Hey, Edward, I'm a 210 year old vampire, but I don't eat humans so don't freak out. This weird connection you feel to me, yeah that's because you are fated to be my mate. So, I'll either have to change you and take you away from everybody you care about, or you can walk away and we'll both be unfulfilled for the rest of our lives. No pressure though!"

Jazz laughed quietly from across the field and Ali gave me a sarcastic snort. "Perfect. You should go with that. Jazz and I can break you out of the psychiatric facility after he wigs out on you and has you committed."

I shrugged, "It may be a moot point. I'm talking to him tonight, not asking him to marry me. We may never get past just being school friends, so let's not go borrowing trouble."

Alice rolled her eyes at me, but silently started back across the field. I took it for the out it was and followed along behind her. Jasper waited until we were three quarters of the way back before he looked up. His gaze drew Edward's, and I saw both boys smile softly. I was used to seeing that look on Jazz's face when Alice came into his direct line of sight, but such a tender look in my own direction confused me. I glanced to the other side to see if another girl was close by.

Jazz rolled his eyes at me and mouthed, _He was looking at you, dumbass._ I shrugged, confusion still running strong in me.

I was almost ready to consider telling him everything just so I could ask if he felt anything when he reached through my shield, when I saw his wrist. He lifted his left arm to run his hand through his crazy hair as he always did when he was anxious and his cuff pulled back slightly; there was a perfect ring shaped bruise about one inch above his wrist bone. There was no way he hadn't felt the pressure on his arm if it was great enough to mark him, and yet he hadn't given any indication of noticing anything out of the ordinary.

Alice and Jazz saw the slight widening of my eyes and looked at his arm. Their eyes locked on the small mark before flitting back to me. I saw the questions, and knew I would have to find a way to ask about the bruise without letting on I knew exactly how he got it.

I plastered on my not-scary-to-humans smile and stepped to his side, gently tugging his hand out of his hair, "Don't yank it all out."

He appeared slightly dazed for a moment before he shook it off and grinned at me. He turned back to the trunk of Jazz's car to start packing up his history papers, but I saw the smile never left his face. Alice started bouncing lightly on her toes and Jasper winked at me before he turned to gather his own papers.

**EDWARD**

I didn't even realize I was pulling on my hair again until Bella gently took hold of my wrist and asked me not to tug it all out. Just like this morning when she put her finger on my lips to shush me, I felt an electric current run through her and into me. I wasn't sure exactly what it was, but I could tell it meant something.

A lot of little things nagged my brain about Bella and her siblings like that. I can tell it means something… but it seems just out of my grasp. Their skin, their eyes, the odd statue impersonations they occasionally do, the odd whispers they direct toward each other from across crowded hallways, and the fact that they seem dangerous at times… especially Jasper.

I've seen how our classmates tend to shy away from them, almost as if they aren't even aware they're doing it. I sometimes feel that urge to back off too, but only with Jasper and only when he's in a mood. Ali is too perky to be scary and I don't think I could be frightened by Bella if she tried. I feel like I can trust her even though I don't really know her. Freaky, right?

I was pretty good at hiding my reactions, but I knew that a few times they'd noticed. They noticed that I noticed that there was something to notice… if that makes any sense? Probably not, but it's the best I can give as an explanation right now.

So I have lots of little questions and "what if's" digging at my brain, and this afternoon just exponentially intensified them all. I know for a fact that I felt something squeezing my wrists when I touched Bella that interfered with the electrical feeling I usually got from contact with her, and I also know for a fact that something wasn't there this morning when she touched me. Not that we'd ever had any prolonged contact before today, but even handing each other things during labs, if our hands or arms brushed there was a jolt like a static shock.

My brain automatically went Trekkie on me and started thinking about deflector shields… but I shouldn't have been able to touch her if there was one. Plus I'm pretty sure the wiki clearly stated there are no known advancements in current technology that would make a deflector shield physically possible in this time… but now I'm just geeking out.

I decide to stow it for now. I was finally getting the chance to really talk to her, and bringing any of my weird observations to light would just net me a silent ride to drop her off before she told me never to speak to her again. Not happening.

I finished gathering up my papers and books before turning to face the siblings again. "Jazz, where do we need to be by tomorrow to get this thing done on time?"

He considered for a minute, looking down at his outline. "I'll have the first three points written up by class tomorrow and you can do the final three tomorrow night. We'll do the introduction and conclusion in class after the rest is done, OK?"

"Sounds good. I'll see you tomorrow then, and you too Ali."

I stepped forward and placed a hand on the small of Bella's back to lead her over to my car. I knew that she probably wouldn't have believed it given my previous rudeness, but my parents had managed to beat some gentlemanly behavior into me. Escorting a lady while she was in my company and holding doors were among those things. Most girls took it as an affront to their feminine empowerment, but Bella was at ease with my small gestures and thanked me sweetly when I held the car door and offered her a hand to help her in. I belatedly realized that with Jasper as a brother she was more than likely accustomed to such treatment. He still had a lot of that Southern Gent thing to him even though he said he hadn't been back to Texas since he was placed with the Cullen family.

I got in to the car and was stumped for where we might go to have a private conversation, without it seeming like I was just trying to get her somewhere secluded.

"Would you like to go to First Beach? I know it's a 15 minute drive, but we'll have privacy without being completely alone."

Bella looked almost apprehensive before quickly composing herself. "Why not Ruby Beach? I know it's a little farther, but I think it's prettier there and we definitely won't run in to anybody from school."

"Embarrassed to be seen with me, Bella?" I hoped she knew I was only teasing, but she kind of walked right into it with her worried little expression and her obvious wish to avoid anyone we knew.

Fortunately, she snarked right back at me, "Scared to be alone with me, Edward? Why else would you want to go to the busiest beach in the area for a personal conversation?"

"Ruby Beach it is."

We rode in relative quiet for the half hour it took us to reach our destination. I was trying to bring some order to my scattered thoughts, knowing this was probably going to be my only chance to state my case with her. She seemed pensive. She would cast me a small sideways glace, and then worry her lip between her teeth for several moments before starting the entire cycle over again.

I also noticed she kept looking at my wrists when she thought I wasn't paying attention. It was another of those she knew that I knew moments. I obviously felt the pressure on my arms, and I knew they were bruised. I bruised easily to start with and the pressure on my wrists had been moderately painful. This all begged the question, " _What the Hell was that?"_

I was willing to bet my life she knew, and I was equally as sure she wasn't planning on telling me.

We finally tuned in to the parking lot at Ruby beach, and I saw it really was deserted today. Even during the chill of early spring, First beach would be jam packed with people. There was a sense of peace though instead of any eerie horror movie vibes.

I spotted a driftwood log up above the high tide line and decided that would be an awesome place to have a conversation, so I reached into the back seat to grab the old beach blanket I kept stashed back there. I jumped out of the car and walked around to open the door and offer Bella a hand out, which she took gracefully. Once she was standing she slacked her grip to release my hand, but I tightened mine keeping her small, cold hand enclosed within my own.

"C'mon. Let's sit on the log."

She nodded and allowed me to keep her hand. I smiled as I led her down the trail to the beach, and I noticed she had a small, shy smile of her own on her lips.

When we reached the log I started to place the blanket over it, but she stopped me. Taking the material from my hands she spread it out on the sand just below the log so that we could use it as a backrest. She sat down cross-legged and produced a hair tie from her pocket so that she could wind her hair up in a knot on the top of her head. I had the most desperate urge to put my lips on the slim neck she revealed, but I quickly shook it off and seated myself next to her.

I was trying to think of how to start the conversation, when she beat me to it.

"You don't need to apologize again. Jasper told me what you said to him this morning, and he's got a solid bullshit detector. If he thought you weren't one hundred percent sincere he never would have spoken to me to begin with."

"If you don't want an apology, why did you agree to come with me? I mean, I'm glad you did but why?"

"I'd like to know why you attacked me without even knowing me."

I flushed heavily and looked down at my hands that were folded in my lap. It was one thing to admit to having feelings for her; it was another to have to say those feelings scared me into acting like a complete dick.

Her cold hand came up to rest against my overheated cheek and she delicately lifted my head so that I was looking at her.

"I've watched you since then, Edward. You aren't mean-spirited or rude and you never speak nastily to females, even when some of them would truly deserve it. Part of my own anger over this was because of that. Why me? What's wrong with me that you would single me out like that without even knowing me?"

I was caught up in her amber eyes again and spoke without thinking.

"You scared me."

I saw the horror on her face as she recoiled from me and started to rise. I was desperate to stop her from leaving the blanket. I grabbed the belt loop of her jeans and pulled her back down. Somehow in the ensuing struggle I ended up laying half on top of her. Her eyes were glassy with pain and I started speaking without even stopping to consider my words.

"You are the first girl I've ever had any interest in, and that scared me. I heard you say something out of context about joints and I was terrified you were going to end up being another stupid stoner twit. It made me mad because for a few minutes when I was looking at you that morning, I actually felt hopeful and then that blew all of my hope up in my face. I'm so tired of being alone in the shadow of perfect couples perfectly in love…"

Over the course of my tirade I'd watched the expression on her face change from pain to curiosity to understanding… to something I wasn't quite sure how to label but it was soft and beautiful on her face. As my voice faded out, she shocked the Hell out of me by leaning up and kissing me softly. Her lips were as chill as her hands, and an odd combination of hard and soft. Almost like a rock wrapped in soft padding. I ran a hand up into her hair as I took over the kiss, and I heard what almost sounded like a purr rise in her throat as she put both of her hands on my shoulders.

In a small part of my mind I was kind of shocked by how quickly this situation was starting to get out of control, but it was like neither of us could help it. She writhed and let out soft purring moans as I finally gave in to my earlier desire and fastened my lips to her neck. Her hands were pulling at my hips, trying to urge me fully on top of her. I resisted and continued kissing down her neck to her collarbone. My hand slid under her shirt of its' own volition. I cupped a breast that once again felt oddly like heavily padded stone, but when my thumb ran upward and her nipple sprang to life against my skin we both groaned loudly and then froze.

I noticed that while my breathing was labored and my face felt flushed, she looked as calm and cool as a spring morning.

I sat up quickly, removing my hand from her shirt as I went. I averted my eyes for a moment so she could set herself to rights, horrified that my over-active hormones had just screwed things up between us. When a few seconds passed without her saying anything, I turned back, only to see her sitting with her face pressed to her upraised knees and her shoulders shaking slightly. Something in the dejection of her pose broke through my self-recrimination and I wrapped myself around her.

"Bella, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to get out of hand like that; I would never disrespect a girl by pushing her for more than she wanted. I'd never felt anything like that before. It's not an excuse, there is no excuse and I'm so sorry I made you uncomfortable…"

She'd turned to me and placed her finger to my lips again, stilling me from my babbling. Without thinking I kissed her fingertip gently and her usually golden bright eyes deepened a few shades… giving me more to think about in the mental column of "what the…" that I had running.

"No apologizing. I wanted that, I was just afraid you'd think I was some kind of slut. I'm not. I've never felt anything that strong before either and it kind of took me by surprise."

I situated myself against the log and leaned forward long enough to grab Bella and pull her into my lap. She gave a small squeak of protest, but curled up with her head against my shoulder.

"Where does all of this leave us, Bella? I know there are things you're not telling me. I know that you know that I notice the odd little things that don't quite add up, like what happened to my wrists this afternoon. Where do we go from here? Cause I know where I'd like to go, but I think it depends on if you trust me enough to tell me the truth or not."

She took my left hand that was resting on her hip and lifted it so we could both easily see my wrist before she unbuttoned the cuff of my shirt and pushed it up my arm. I kept my expression strictly neutral as we looked at the ring-shaped bruise. It was a thin, prefect line all around my wrist, and deep purple. I knew I'd have to wear long sleeves until it healed because there was no way I could explain this to my parents.

She looked at me for a second before she leaned down and kissed my wrist gently. The coolness of her lips felt good and my heartbeat spiked when she delicately traced the very tip of her tongue along the mark, trying to soothe it. I lifted her face up and placed a soft kiss on her mouth, tracing her lips lightly. She denied me entrance but her tongue very softly lapped against my own for a second before she pulled back.

"You are right, there are things I'm not sure if I can tell you yet. But your wrists… I am confused about. That has never happened before. What did you feel when it happened?"

I thought carefully before speaking. "Well, it felt like I poked a hole through some cling wrap, but then the holes grew closed around my hands. It pinched, but I didn't feel like I was in any danger. It felt the same when you stepped back from me, like a flimsy covering that I broke a small hole through."

She stood from my lap and appeared to concentrate for a moment before asking me to try to touch her again. I stood and walked over to her. I could feel an odd little hum of energy when I stood next to her, but when I reached out to put my hand on her face I got the same sensation of breaking plastic wrap. It immediately faded though instead of pinching me and I somehow knew she'd done that so I wouldn't get hurt again. I smiled once the sensation of a barrier between us faded and put my other hand on her waist to pull her closer to me.

"My brother Emmett is the physically strongest person anyone in my family knows of and he can't do what you just did, Edward."

"What did I just do?"

"Touch me when I don't want anybody to be able to touch me."

"But you wanted me to touch you. I don't know how I know that, but I do. You wanted me to be able to touch you."

She wrapped herself around me in a hug, her face pressed into my neck. I felt a brief second of nervousness, but then it was gone. I pressed my face into her hair, inhaling some flowery smell.

"In answer to your earlier question, about where all of this leaves us, I think that will be up to you. Can you come to my house this evening or do you have to go home?"

After clearing dinner out through my parents, we were headed towards the Cullens' house. I didn't press Bella for conversation, I knew she was deep in thought and I was pretty sure it involved me. I honestly figured I wouldn't hear anything out of her until it was time for her to give me directions, so I was a little shocked when she spoke.

"I know you notice things about me, Ali, and Jasper that don't make sense to you. Do we scare you?"

I looked over at her, but she was looking out the windshield. If not for the way her teeth were worrying her bottom lip, I would think she truly didn't care about my answer at all.

"No. Jasper makes me a little apprehensive at times, when I can tell he's in a bad mood… but I'm not scared of any of you."

I almost swore I was imagining things, but I thought I heard her barely whisper, "You should be." I looked over at her again, letting her know that I noticed another moment I would define as odd. The rueful smile that crossed her face let me know I hadn't imagined anything.

"I don't know why you think I should be scared of you. Jasper… maybe. He could kick my ass without halfway thinking about it


	12. Can't Get No (Satisfaction) - (Twilight)

**BELLA**

 _Stupid, annoying, insanely moral, emo, whiny little vampire!_ I shot an angry sideways glance at the object of my ire before sinking back into my vitriolic thoughts. If I had treated him the way he'd been treating me, I would be labeled the biggest cock-tease in Washington State… maybe in the country!

Oh it's fine to kiss… with closed mouths… just don't touch. Making out with Edward was like when the annoyingly perky amusement park person gave you the safety instructions before you rode a fucking roller coaster, but with none of the promised exhilaration afterwards. _Keep your hands on his elbows, knees locked together, and for God's ever loving sake don't accidentally brush your tits across his arm if you shift position!_

Fuck. That. Noise.

I knew I was being irrationally hostile. I knew I was being immature and that acting this way was counter-productive. I knew I wasn't going to change his mind. Yet even knowing all of these things, I couldn't bring myself to care. I was mad, and he wasn't getting off easily no matter how hard he tried to dazzle me into submission this time.

He sighed as he stopped at a red light and turned to try and talk to me.

"Bella", his voice was maddeningly calm as usual. All it did was fuel my anger. "Love, you know why…"

I held up my hand to forestall the pre-recorded message he was about to give me. My safety, blah blah blah. His control, blah blah blah. Such a breakable little human, blah-di-fucking BLAH.

"Bella, please Love… talk to me."

I opened the door and hopped out before he could react. I knew it only worked because he would've never thought I would jump out of his car like that. It was only half a mile to my house, there was plenty of time before sundown, and I couldn't take another second of his condescension. I smirked when I realized the added bonus of my unplanned field trip through downtown Forks. It was inhabited. Edward couldn't go all vamp on me and put me back in the car against my wishes. _HAH! Score another point for Bella!_ OK, so my inner voice is somewhat bitchy, she's sexually deprived, too. What do you expect?

"Bella!"

I looked over my shoulder and saw him jogging at a human pace to catch up to me. _Ooooo, I bet he hated being forced to slow down._ I barely got my snarky smile under control before I turned to face him with a calm expression that was proven a lie by my angry voice.

"Go home, Edward. I'll call you after I calm down."

He looked like I'd just kicked his puppy. Normally that expression would have me running into his arms and reassuring him, but tonight it just strengthened my resolve. I needed _Bella_ time.

"I thought you wanted me to come over for the evening since Charlie is fishing…"

He seriously did not think I was going spend my evening with him and then let him cuddle up to me in bed all night after this afternoon's fiasco, did he? "No. I changed my mind. I want you to go home, and I don't want you to come in through my window while I'm sleeping tonight either."

"But, Love…"

"No buts. I have dealt with enough rejection from you to last me the next several months, Edward. If you really love me at all, you will leave me alone until I calm down. Don't call me, don't text, and do _not_ show up in my room before I invite you back."

I turned and started jogging towards my house. I did feel bad for leaving him there like that, but I just needed to get my own head straight. After I'd gone about a block I turned and Edward was still standing there. His face wasn't clear to me as mine would be to him, but I knew he had to be confused and hurt by my rejection. While the snarky, bitchy side of me thought he needed to know how I felt on a daily basis, the rational side of me knew I couldn't leave him like that. I knew he'd still be able to hear me, so I spoke in a normal tone of voice.

"Edward, I love you. I just need to be alone to calm down, OK?"

**EDWARD**

How do you watch the love of your existence run away from you calmly? I really needed to know because every instinct I had was telling me to chase her down, drag her back to my lair, and never let her go. OK, fine… so I don't have a lair. I could drag her to my room then. I knew going after her would be a very bad idea given her current state of mind, but the further she got from me, the more it hurt. We hadn't spent a single night apart since we'd come back from Italy several weeks ago, and being away from her for more than a few hours at a time was intensely painful for me.

I had just decided to go after her when my phone rang. The timing was just too perfect; there was only one person who would call me just after I made a decision.

"What, Alice… I'm a little busy here." I wasn't mad at my interfering little pixie of a sister, but I couldn't keep the snap out of my tone.

"Let her go. Seriously. Things will end very badly if you follow through on your decision to go after her."

"Define "badly" because letting her run off is bad enough."

"Badly as in you two will have a major fight. She will be mad enough to break up with you. After she orders you out of her house she will pick up the phone, and about 20 minutes later her future blacks out. Indefinitely. Not just long enough for her to talk to the mutt, if you're catching my drift."

I quickly made the decision to leave Bella alone until she called me, and Alice sighed.

"Much better. Thank you Edward."

"She's still mad at me though." I couldn't keep the pout out of my voice.

"Yes. But now she'll eventually forgive you and for some reason I can't see she'll be mad at Jacob after tonight. Go find Jazz, he wants to hunt. Don't worry too much. I see her calling me for a girl's night in a few minutes. I'll do what I can to help you."

The line dropped and I snapped the phone shut. I walked slowly back to where I'd parked the car after Bella jumped out. The ache in my chest was intensifying with every step that took me farther from her. I didn't want to antagonize her or push her into feeling she needed to leave me or, God forbid, call the mutt to comfort her, but the thought of not seeing her for what could potentially be days was untenable. I decided I would at least go sit in the tree and watch over her at night until she forgave me. When my phone didn't ring again I knew Alice hadn't seen anything bad happening, and knowing I would see my heart again later made it easier to get into my car and drive off to go in search of my brother.

When I got back to the house, Rose told me that Jasper had already headed out but he'd only been gone about 20 minutes so I should be able to catch up to him easily. Jazz was insanely skilled and deadly, but he was sort of slow by vampire standards. I guess it balanced him out. If he were faster, he'd be pretty much unstoppable. I took off, easily picking up his scent trail.

I came upon him about 40 miles from the house, and it looked like he'd just finished hunting.

"I thought you were waiting for me."

"I didn't actively look for dinner, it came to me. The bears are heading towards the rivers for fish migrations right now. It's almost spawning season y'know."

"Well, since I ran all this way out here I'm going to go find that mountain lion I smelled on the way. Are you coming or waiting here for me?"

"I'll wait here, go eat."

I took off, tracking my favorite meal. Unfortunately nothing was going my way today. The lion I had scented was a mother with small cubs. I couldn't be that much of a jerk. I headed back towards Jazz, and ran across an old black bear with a mangled paw on my way. After a quick check of the surrounding area came up negative for cubs, I took the bear out and found a ravine to hide the carcass in. I headed back towards where I'd left Jazz, and found him lying on his back sporting a contented smile, watching clouds pass overhead. That was part of the dichotomy of Jasper. Even with the deadly skills, staggering empathic abilities, and all of eternity at his fingertips he'd never lost his enjoyment of simple things. Instead of ordering flowers for his wife or our mother he would happily trek out through the woods for hours looking for the perfect wildflowers, singing quietly to himself the whole time… and then viciously turn on any nomad or newborn that came near our family.

I suddenly had a flash of insight as to why Alice had insisted I seek out this particular brother tonight. _DUH! You have a pissed off girlfriend and an empathic brother with uncanny knack for charming women… two plus two equals four, Edward._

"So", I dropped to the ground next to Jasper, looking out across the mountains, "How bad did I really screw things up for Alice to send me to you, Jazz?"

Without taking his eyes from the clouds he replied, "Oh, you done a pretty good number on this one."

"Give it to me straight."

"Groveling is gonna be the least of your worries, Edward. That girl has been wound tighter than the spring on a two dollar watch since you guys came back from Italy, and every time she sees you it gets a little worse. She is a ticking time bomb of straight up lust and if you don't do something about that she will snap. Sooner rather than later, I'm guessing."

"I'm not exactly sure how to fix that particular problem, Jazz."

He looked over at me with a cocked eyebrow, "Well, seems to me that you have to insert Pole A into Slot B. Repeatedly."

I couldn't help the snarl that broke loose at his sarcastic remark, "I MEANT that I can't make love to her, not without risking serious and possibly fatal injuries to her. I won't do it!"

"You're wrong, brother… but I'm not gonna argue that point with you. I'll simply remind you that there are other ways to give her some relief."

Before I could even try to block his thoughts he bombarded me with every piece of sexual knowledge he had. Considering his age and experiences prior to finding Alice it was pretty vast, intensely graphic, and rather… upsetting. He felt my turmoil of course. Stupid, empathic vampire.

"Edward, you are gonna have to loosen up your Victorian moral code a wee smidgen. Sex in all of its many various forms is a good thing, not something to be ashamed of. Wanting your mate so fiercely, and her desiring you just as much is definitely a good thing. Now, you've roped yourself a modern kind of filly and she has a very healthy and open attitude toward the whole subject. Maybe you should let her take the lead on this just a bit?"

I chuckled darkly, "If I let her take the lead she'll end up dead. She's convinced I won't hurt her in the moment."

"Alice says that she saw the outcome once when your determination wavered. You two were fine, and Bella was much happier. She's been getting really… grouchy… if you hadn't noticed, Edward."

I just nodded. That was the understatement of several lifetimes…

**BELLA**

"Ali, what are you doing this evening?"

"Well since you kicked my brother to the proverbial curb I sent him out hunting with Jazz, thereby leaving my own social calendar empty."

"I didn't kick him to the curb, Ali. I just need some time…"

"Bells, I know. I'm teasing you, and he totally deserves to be ignored for a few days. We'll have Girl's Night! I'll bring Rose and some movies; you're on your own for that disgusting ice cream stuff."

"Rosalie? Why would she want to come for a girl's night? She kinda hates me Ali-kat."

"She doesn't hate you anymore. Ever since we got back from Volterra she has been trying in her own way to get to know you better and tonight will be a good bonding experience for you two."

"OK, if she really wants to come then she's more than welcome. Give me 20 minutes so I can run to the store."

I grabbed my truck keys and went to pick up some snacks for the evening. Unfortunately I ran into Jake at the market. His snide comments about seeing me without Edward attached to my hip were irritating me to the extreme. His insinuations that he would be better for me were beyond old. I tried very hard to remain friends with Jake, but he was making it impossible. Even Charlie recognized that I had already made my choice, and eased up ever so slightly on Edward after the major blowout they had the night of my return. But Jake just wasn't getting the memo, obviously.

"Jake, stop. I'm done being polite if you're going to be nasty and insulting every time I run into you."

He stalked towards me and backed me into a refrigerated case. I shivered because the chill felt so very much like Edward pressed up against my back and I was starting to regret my hasty action in banishing him from my house for the night. Despite being rock hard and ice cold, he was actually a very snuggly kind of vampire… I guess Jake thought the reaction was for him though, because his arms came up to hem me in and his low voice growled in my ear.

"I'm a fucking werewolf Bella, my sense of smell is as least as good as that leech's, if not better. I can smell how badly you want a man, and I know he can't give you what you need. I can, and don't think I missed that little tremble a minute ago. You want me."

"I don't." I pushed against Jake's chest to get him to back up a little but it was like trying to move a fricking mountain. Physical force wouldn't win this showdown, but words might. "I may still be a little… excited… Jacob, but that's because Edward just dropped me off a few minutes ago. I trembled because this cold glass against my back feels exactly like him pressed against my skin, and he is more than enough man for me. You have nothing I want or need, Jacob Black."

He grabbed me, one hand tightening on my jaw to hold my head still while the other gripped my hip in a bruising vice. Just as he was about to force my lips to meet his I heard a faint echo of Charlie's voice in my head coaching me on how to handle a situation like this. I went limp in Jacob's grip and when he shifted to adjust his hold on me I brought my knee up into his groin with all the force I could muster. He fell to his knees which actually put him about level with my own height, so I balled up my fist and let him have it. I was pretty sure I did more damage to my hand than to his thick skull, but it felt good anyways. Thank God it was my stupid left hand instead of my dominant right.

I reached into the next cooler over to grab my Ben and Jerry's Phish Phood and headed to the register. The kindly older lady who owned the market was looking at me worriedly.

"I was about to call your father, dear. That boy shouldn't be pawing at you like that."

"Thanks Mrs. Meyer, but I'm fine."

"If you're sure, dear…"

I smiled convincingly, "I'm sure Mrs. Meyer. He just thought he was gonna get a little grabby and I convinced him otherwise. I'm fine."

She smiled at me, but it faded when she looked over my shoulder. Jake was staggering to his feet, looking murderous.

"Boy!" Mrs. Meyer had a bit of drill sergeant in her voice, who would have guessed? "You get out of my store and stay out. Sarah Black would be ashamed of you, treating girls like that! Get out before I call Billy!"

Jake walked out, calling me Dracula's whore under his breath when he passed me. If that was the worst insult he could come up with I wasn't gonna lose any sleep tonight. I chatted with Mrs. Meyer for a few minutes. I wanted to give Jake time to be gone and I wanted to reassure her that I was definitely OK. I heard the bell chime as another customer came in and called out a greeting to Mrs. Meyer, unfortunately the voice was familiar.

"Hey Bells. Where's Edward?" My father was obviously surprised to see me alone. "I thought you guys were doing stuff today."

"Carlisle got tickets to the Mariner's game tomorrow so the boys were driving up to Seattle tonight. How could I get in the way of men bonding over baseball, dad? Ali and Rose are coming over for chick flicks and ice-cream. Speaking of, don't want them waiting for me…"

I tried to shift my swelling hand out of sight, but his cop-vision zeroed right in on it. "Freeze, Isabella! What happened to your hand?"

Mrs. Meyer put a hand on his shoulder, "You'd have been proud of her, Charlie. She laid the boy out with a knee to the jewels and then punched him for good measure."

"Really?" He eyed me suspiciously before turning back to her, "Was it that Cullen boy, Steph?"

"Oh heavens no, all three of those Cullen boys are so polite and respectful to women! It was Billy Black's boy, Jacob. He was trying to force her to kiss him. I was actually picking up the phone to call you when she re-arranged his anatomy for him."

I saw the look of resignation cross my dad's face. I knew it pained him that his best friend would refuse to do anything, even after what basically amounted to sexual assault.

"Do you want to press charges, Bells? I mean he could technically come back at you for assault, but with Mrs. Meyer's account you'd be safe pleading self defense. Especially since he's a solid foot taller and outweighs you by at least eighty pounds."

"I won't this time, dad. But you may want to make it known to them if he touches me again I will. Now I really have to get home before Rose and Alice show up and start worrying. Get your coffee and be safe tonight, ok?"

"What about your hand?"

I waved over my shoulder as I headed to my truck, "I'll wrap it and ice it when I get home. If it's still swollen when the boys get home tomorrow evening I'll have Carlisle look at it, but I think its fine!"

I hopped in the truck and noticed a paper under my windshield wiper. Now, I knew Snopes had proven false all of the claims that notes on your windshield were a way to get you out so a gang member could carjack you, but with MY luck you never know, so I decided to drive on home and get it under the watchful eyes of my sisters. Well, hopefully one day Rose would accept me as a sister. I already thought of her as one. I recognized that I was rambling and trying to mentally distract myself, but it wasn't really working. I knew the note had to be from either Jake or Edward and at the moment I wasn't in the mood to deal with either of them or their little mantrums.

When I pulled into the driveway, Rosalie's BMW was already parked along the cul-de-sac and the girls were leaning against the porch railing waiting for me.

I grabbed the note and opened it to see Jake's familiar harsh scrawl and terrible spelling.

 **Bella,**

 **I wish I hadn't saved you the day you jumped off the cliff. I'd rather know you were DEAD then know you're off horing for a leech. If you have him bite you, I will personaly hunt you both down. Consider that my finale warning. Were not freinds now, so the pack won't stop if the leechs break the treaty.**

 **Jake**

I felt a real and ugly flash of hatred in that moment. I had never done anything to Jacob Black, except not fall in love with him… yet he could wish me dead. A very small, very spiteful part of me wished he'd kept his note a little vaguer. The talk of leeches and the pack guaranteed I couldn't show this to Charlie, yet I wanted so badly to prove to him once and for all I had picked the better man. Edward wouldn't have wished me dead if things had gone the other way and I'd picked Jake over him.

"I can't see what the mutt wrote to you." Alice looked concerned and even Rose's face showed more emotion than her usual icy demeanor allowed for. "But I know it can't be good because your entire face is almost purple and I can hear your heart hammering from here. I don't smell fear though. What has you so pissed off?"

I clenched the paper in my hand while I met Ali's eyes, letting her see the rage on my face for a second, before I tossed the paper wad towards her. Her perfect reflexes weren't needed for once as I'd somehow managed to throw straight, and due to my extreme anger there was actually enough force behind it to get it to her. She smoothed the crumpled paper and Rosalie looked over her shoulder to read it. Two pair of topaz eyes swung back to me, both looking pretty outraged.

"Is he SERIOUS? He would rather have you dead than know you picked somebody else?"

I gave Ali a humorless laugh and brandished my bruised, swollen hand for her inspection, before pulling the waist of my jeans down to display the obvious hand mark on my hip. "That and he thinks that he's allowed to paw at me whenever he wants to. I got this because I wasn't about to let him kiss me. Fortunately there was a witness, because when Charlie first saw my wrist he wanted to pin it on Edward."

A slow growl rumbled out of Rosalie's chest, and her eyes were slowly being overcome by the onyx color I had learned to associate with danger. I immediately froze in place, not sure what exactly had set her off, but not wanting to draw her attention when she was in this state.

"Rose", Alice was looking just the slightest bit alarmed but was keeping her tone completely calm "He didn't succeed. She fought him off, and she is fine. She is standing there in front of you, probably scared to see you going all vamp."

"Tell me he wouldn't have forced himself on her if he'd found her somewhere else, Alice. Tell me he's not considered it and he can live."

Alice appeared to be weighing her words very carefully, "I've never seen him make a conscious decision to do that, Rose. You know what I see is subjective, and I can't see him very well at all. So, as far as I know… no he has not considered it."

"I know who will know for sure."

Rose's hand went to her hip pocket for her phone, but Ali and I both called out for her to stop before she could dial. I walked closer, seeing some of her normal topaz showing around the black of her irises.

"Rose, please don't call Edward. I really can't deal with him right at the moment, and if he sees these bruises he will break the treaty in less than a second. You know he will!"

She gave me a hard glare, "Do you know why I am like this, Bella? Did Edward ever tell you why Carlisle had to change me?"

"Ummm… I don't know the whole story, Rose. Just that Esme found you dying in Rochester during the 30's and couldn't bear to let you go."

She laughed, but there was no humor in it, "I was gang raped by my former fiancée and a few of his friends in 1933. I have never tasted human blood… but I did kill those five men after I awoke from the fire. Edward was with me as my lookout. When they first saw me, before I delivered their deaths to them, he said their first thoughts were of brutalizing me again. Men like that don't deserve to live to prey on other women. If that mutt ever touches you without your consent again, _Edward_ breaking the treaty will be the least of their worries."

Alice placed a hand on Rose's arm, and the golden color slowly began to return to her eyes. I took that as my cue to move a little closer. "Rose, I'm sorry you had to go through that. I promise if he ever tries to touch me without consent again I will call you and let you have at him, OK?"

The tension was slowly going out of her shoulders and her eyes were back to their usual golden state. I sighed and took a few steps closer.

"Are you OK now, Rose?" I injected some humor into my tone and pushed my lips up into a small smile. "You're not going to eat me, right?"

She smiled and chuckled softly, "No, Bella, I'm not going to eat you. You stink like werewolf and it's turning my stomach."

"Can vampires puke?"

Alice gave me a look that was a perfect mix of disgust and curiosity. "Bella Swan, ladies and gents… Queen of the Non-Sequitur Remark."

"What? I thought it was a logical question after Rose made the remark about turning her stomach."


	13. Cullens Go Walkabout (Twilight)

I don't know WHY I decided that writing a story about vampires trying to figure out which exotic wildlife were "safe" for them to eat without ruining species conservation was a good idea, but I did. I'm not surprised I lost the muse for this one.

***JASPER***

I begged Alice not to leave me alone for 12 whole days, but to her, Milan's Fashion Week was a drug. She wanted a few days before the shows to look around and a few days after the shows to bask in the post-shopping bliss. I had been only slightly scared for my bank account, until last night. Last night Edward admitted to being afraid of the monetary damage Nessie would inflict on his wallet… then I became terrified. I knew there was nothing I could do. I would probably be the world's first vampire to declare bankruptcy after Alice got done in Italy.

Alice suggested I take the boys hunting in some exotic locale for a few days so we wouldn't miss our girls. I had sullenly agreed and now here I sat, with the TV in our room tuned to Animal Planet to try to find some ideas about what we could hunt.

Since Alice was busy packing and plotting ways to make Bella go along quietly, I had plenty of time for my research. I watched a show about meerkats. I never realized what vicious little bastards those things were until I saw the Alpha female killing and abandoning babies just because they weren't hers. I wanted to drain a few of those little fuckers just on general principle. Then I watched a show called Snake Master. It was entertaining, but snakes weren't very appealing. Then there was a show about killer whales. I always wanted to try killer whale, but they're endangered. It sucked, but I couldn't justify taking even one potential breeder from such a small population of animals. Not to mention Carlisle would kick my ass if I tried. I always swore if he wasn't a vampire who survived on animal blood he'd be a card carrying member of some radical animal rights group.

The next show was a crazy, charismatic Australian chasing after huge saltwater crocodiles. I knew this had to be archive footage because it had been major news when the man died in a diving accident a few years back… but his enthusiasm and affection for the big reptiles was apparent. They were gargantuan, and fascinating. They were dangerous, and would be worthy sport. They were dinner!

I hopped online to begin researching the crocs. I got more and more excited the longer I read. These things can grow to 20 feet long, there have been reports of some reaching almost 25 feet long, but nobody can keep them still long enough for accurate measurements when they get that big. They can weigh over 3,000 pounds. There were even unverified reports of large saltwater crocs killing Great Whites! I was totally sold.

I was still looking at various animals on an endangered species website when Edward walked in. I wanted to make sure the crocs weren't having population problems, and while they were on the list for other parts of the world, in Australia their population was healthy. I felt like the decrepit old man on Em's favorite cartoon when I had the urge to rub my hands together and say "Excellent".

***EDWARD***

I had no idea what was going on in Japer's head. He was calculating bite force in pounds per square inch for a few different animals for some odd reason, but it didn't seem like he was deliberately trying to block me from his thoughts or hide anything from me.

I went up to the room he shared with Alice determined to get some answers, and found him completely enthralled in a show on Animal Planet while he was on a website. Jazz NEVER watches nature documentaries, what the hell?

"Crocodile Hunter, Jazz? Really? Isn't that guy dead?"

A Gregorian chant immediately filled his head. NOW he was hiding something from me.

"What are you hiding from me, Jazzy? A secret, unrequited love for the Aussie?"

"Screw off, Eddie! Stay out of my head and go spend some time with Bella and Nessie before Alice and Rose take them away. You're always such a whiny little bitch when your girls are gone."

"C'mon, Jazzy… I'll just go ask Alice what's up. You know she'll tell me."

"Fine, asshole! I'm planning a hunting trip for while the girls are gone. But I want things to be a surprise. Go away and stay out of my head for another two hours while I finish researching and start making travel arrangements. Go make yourself useful and see if Carlisle can get the time off on short notice to go with us."

"Nothing endangered, Jazz. I know you've been dying to try killer whale, but Carlisle would happily kick your ass if you suggested it."

"No shit, idiot! That's why I'm researching. See my endangered species webpage? Now go away!"

I decided that I would go back to the cottage; otherwise I wouldn't be able to resist peeking. I didn't really want to be around my wife for any great length of time right now though… she hated shopping with an intense passion and would be in a less than pleasant mood since she had basically been forced to go on this trip by our sisters and daughter.

I walked into a war zone at our little house. My daughter and my sisters were facing off with my obviously enraged wife who was flat out refusing to wear the wardrobe they had chosen for her. When her eyes flashed to me for back up, I decided that caution was the better part of valor and slipped back out the front door. I wasn't even 100 yards away when her voice screeched in my head.

 _EDWARD CULLEN! If you don't want to spend the next century on the sofa instead of in our bed with me YOU GET BACK HERE NOW!_

I froze instantly when I heard my wife's voice in my head. It was never a good sign when Bella dropped her shield to yell at me. She was stubborn enough to hold on to the threat of celibacy, and I definitely wouldn't last more than a week before I was a begging, groveling mess willing to trade all self-respect for a night with her. She'd done it before… I shuddered at the memory of not having my wife in my arms where she belonged. Self-preservation turned me back towards the cottage, but then more voices weighed in with opinions.

 _Daddy! If you help Mama take ugly clothes to Italy, I swear I will elope with Jacob tomorrow! I'll call him right now to take me to Vegas, and then we will come home and have very loud, very obnoxious newlywed sex on every flat surface in this cottage… including YOUR bed!_

She wouldn't dare! Would she? Maybe I shouldn't tempt fate… I really didn't want my daughter to marry the mutt at all, but she had promised to wait until she was at least ten physical years old instead of jumping right in to a major commitment when she was fully mature at seven… maybe I shouldn't push it.

 _EDWARD! I don't care what your daughter and sisters are saying to you. I AM YOUR WIFE! Get in here and help me NOW!_

She is my wife. I said for better or worse… this would definitely count in the worse column but I had vowed to put her before all others.

 _Edward, if you listen to Bella, I swear I'll help Nessie elope! Go help Jazz plan the hunting trip and STAY OUT OF THIS!_

 _Brother dear, if you set foot in this cottage I will dismantle your Vanquish. Do you hear me!_

 _Daddy, I am calling Jacob right now!_

I started back to the main house, but my wife had to get her parting shots in. If she had still been yelling or snarling at all, I might have been able to resist going back, but her voice was level and determined.

 _Fine, Edward. I'm sure the Volturi boys will appreciate seeing me in the micro mini skirts, fishnet stockings, and low cut blouses your sisters and daughter are trying to insist I wear during this trip. I know that Felix will be extremely complimentary. You know, he always thought he had a chance…_

I was in the cottage in less than half of a second, and before a human could have blinked, I had Bella pinned to the wall in our bedroom roaring in her face.

"YOU ACTUALLY DARE THREATEN TO DEFILE OUR MARRIAGE WITH ANOTHER MAN, ISABELLA CULLEN?"

I turned my head to snarl at our audience, and from the shocked looks on their faces I could tell I must've looked as utterly feral as I sounded at that moment.

"Get out of this house NOW, all three of you! Don't touch Bella's luggage, just GO!"

I heard the three of them fleeing; Alice and Rose were giggling and Nessie was whining how disgusting it was that her parents were going to "do it". That none of them were seriously worried for Bella's safety gave me back a small measure of control over the rage.

I turned back to face my wife, a low growl still rumbling in my chest. My eyes must have still been pitch black because she was holding extremely still and not speaking; giving me a moment to regain control of my insane, blinding anger. I really did try to calm myself, but the thought of Bella parading about Italy in mini skirts on Felix's arm kept creeping in and covering my vision with layer upon layer of red haze. When I finally spoke it was in a rough snarl that I didn't recognize as my voice.

"You are MINE, Bella. ONLY mine. If you encourage Felix, I'll kill him. If you as much as look at him, I'll kill him. Not even the entire Volturi guard could protect him if he tries to take you from me!"

Bella laid her hand on my cheek, and I felt my head unconsciously turn into her touch.

 _I am and always will be only yours, my love. I won't even visit Volterra with the others if you don't want me to see Felix without you present._

Only she could calm me now. Only being sure of her love, of my place as her mate and as her HUSBAND, would bring me any measure of sanity back. My voice took on more of a pleading, desperate tone.

"You're mine. I can't share any part of you, not even the mere thought of you, with another man."

"I won't go to Volterra, Edward. I'll stay in Milan when the girls go to visit Heidi and Chelsea. I don't really want Felix leering at my body, because it's for you. ONLY you, Edward."

"I don't care if you skip Italy to stay in Washington, I still don't want you running around in mini skirts if I'm not with you. I will deal with our daughter and my sisters regarding your wardrobe. Maybe I'll even have a chat with my future son-in-law about what his fiancée plans to wear when he won't be around."

I let that thought go as my eyes rolled back into my head, because my wife was laying tiny kisses along my jaw and whispering deliciously wicked things to me. I hoped somebody else would think to call Carlisle, because I wouldn't be making it back to the house before Jasper was ready to tell me where we were going.

***EMMETT***

 _I am SOOOO freaking BORED! Hmmm… Bore. Boring. Bored. To bore. En Francais, Emmett! Ennuyez. Etant ennuyeux. Ennuye. Pour ennuyer. Auf Deutsch, Emmett! Bohren Sie. Gebohrt und bohren. Um zu bohren…_

Edward finally dragged his whiny little ass back into the house, and immediately had to try and rain on my conjugation parade.

"Christ, Emmett! I am going to kill you if you don't give it a rest! I've had to listen to you conjugating in various languages since I got back across the river."

"Awwww, C'mon, Eddie! Quit being an Emo bitch. There is NOTHING to do while the girls are gone and you know it. I'm just trying to keep my mind occupied for cryin' out loud!"

"Where did the girls get to? Bella is back at the cottage repacking, and you and Jazz need to reign in your wives. My wife is not traipsing the Italian countryside in miniskirts when you damn well know that the male Volturi will be around them."

"Rose said you were attacking Bella and it was totally skeeving Ness out to know you two were getting it on, so they went to do some 'pre-shopping trip' shopping in Seattle."

God, my brother can be such a whiny little shit sometimes. He'd been moping and morose ever since our wives and Nessie had announced they were going to Milan, and now he was bitching about his wife's wardrobe for the trip. Granted, Eddie's wife was going not-so-willingly and hadn't been allowed to pick her own wardrobe, but my Rose had a way of getting what she wanted. And she wanted Fashion Week in Milan with her sisters and niece for her birthday. Alice and Nessie had happily gone along and they had quickly bullied Bella into submission.

I shuddered at the dent this was gonna put in my bank account, but if Mama was happy… then I was happy. And Mama would be VERY happy when she got home from Italy. It'd be worth the damage to my bottom line to see the very private modeling sessions and other displays of gratitude Rose could come up with. A smile crept across my face as I remembered some of Rose's displays of gratitude from the past.

"Jesus Emmett! Can you drag your thoughts away from Rose's tits for five damn minutes? I don't really need to see you bending my sister over every surface in this… wait, is that… ON MY FUCKING CAR EMMETT? YOU FUCKING PERVERT, KEEP YOUR BALLS AND YOUR WIFE'S ASS OFF OF MY CAR!"

"My jeep's too fucking tall Assward! Besides, the Volvo had nothing on the Vanquish for hotness during sex."

Edward pounced on me and the fight was on. I just hoped I wouldn't end up owing Esme new walls to match her new furniture this time. Edward wasn't playing for fun; he was seriously in it to kick my ass for defiling his precious cars and it would be almost impossible to limit the damage this was gonna cause.

Fifteen minutes later Jasper poked his head around the corner and asked if we needed a diversion from our mayhem. I was sitting on Edward's back amidst the wreckage of the living room, preventing him from making it worse. He was struggling wildly and cursing a blue streak.

"God yes, Jazz. Edwina over here has picked this week to be on his period and the hormones are overwhelming him. He needs a Midol and some chocolate."

"Well, I think since the girls will be gone for a bit, we should go somewhere new and hunt something we've never had."

"OOOOH! GORILLA! CAN WE HAVE GORILLA, JAZZ?"

Edward rolled his eyes, because any time we planned a trip like this I always asked for Gorilla. Hopefully ones of these days…

"Em, those are still incredibly endangered. We can't risk taking even one right now."

"Well, I always wanted to try one. What isn't endangered that we can try?"

Jazz picked up the remote and turned on the TV to Animal Planet, or as I jokingly referred to it… Food Network.

"Gentlemen… meet our prey."

"An Australian guy? Aussies are friends, not food bro."

"No, asshat… the crocs. Look at these fuckers!"

Jazz was bouncing and jiving like Alice, I could tell he was totally stoked about this idea. He started spouting stats about how big they got, how much of a fight they could put up, that if we wanted to stay a little longer we could either try Kangaroo or Great White while we were there. I had to admit it sounded pretty fucking cool, but I wanted one other option.

"I want to hit Tasmania, dude."

"That is on the other fucking side of the continent, Emmett! What the fuck is in Tasmania that would intrigue you?"

"Devils, bro."

"They aren't big or sporting at all. They're just small, mean tempered little rodents."

"Don't care. Crocs sound OK, other than the cold-blooded part… but I want to try a Tazzy Devil if we're gonna be that close."

***JASPER***

What the Hell is up with Emmett and Tasmanian Devils? I kept explaining they were nothing like the cartoon Taz, but he was still enchanted with the idea of trying them. He'd need 10 as small as they were… I quickly went to the endangered species list and typed in Tasmanian Devil… and of course it came back as endangered. Great. Now we'd have to listen to Emmett whine about another animal he couldn't have.

"Em, bro they're on the list."

"Awww, are you kidding me?"

"Nope. No Taz for you, sorry."

"This shit sucks! What isn't endangered down there?"

"Dingo?"

"If I wanted canine I could go to La Push! Find me something else to snack on down there, please."

"But that is what they need controlled. Dingoes are probably the most populous mammal they have, and as an introduced species they're a nuisance to the indigenous wildlife... most of which is endangered."

"So basically, you're taking us to a place full of exotic food, nine tenths of which we can't try because it's endangered? You suck, Jazz."

Edward had grabbed a magazine and was flipping idly through it while Emmett and I argued. Without looking up, he told me he hadn't called Carlisle because he'd been busy after he left the house. Busy my ass! From what Alice and Nessie had said before they left for Seattle the only thing he was busy doing was getting laid.

"Damn it, Edward! You were supposed to call him. I need to get to work on flights and hotels!"

"Relax, Jazz. Maybe you can take a break from the bitch fest and call him yourself. Although, he and Esme have been pretty mum since the girls announced they were going to Italy. They might have plans."

I grabbed my phone and dialed Carlisle. After explaining where we were going and what we were planning to eat, he regretfully informed me that he and Esme had decided to go stay on the island as an early anniversary trip. He said the crocs sounded interesting and if they were good he'd want to go with us the next time. A part of me was sad Carlisle wouldn't be with us for our man-bonding time, but the smaller part of me that had never let go of the 19 year old I had been was stoked to be without parental supervision for this trip. From the grin on Emmett's face, I was guessing he felt the same.

**EMMETT**

We'd kissed the girls and put them on their plane an hour ago. Rose, Alice, and Nessie had literally had to drag Bella onto the plane while the Wondermutt, Jazz, and I held Eddie back. You'd think they were never going to see each other again the way they were acting. It would have been funny if it weren't so damn pathetic. Now we were waiting to board our plane and he was sitting there whining like a little bitch because he had to bach it for a few days. It was a constant refrain of: _Bella won't be with me for 12 whole days. I can't exist without her. I don't want Felix to take her away from me._

BOO HOO fucking HOO! He couldn't stop complaining about her being gone to save his own life… and by the look of Jasper SOMEBODY was getting their stupid, whiny, sex-hair-sporting head ripped straight the fuck off in a minute.

 _Edward! SHUT THE FUCK UP!_ _It will not kill you to be away from Bella for 12 days. Felix is a delusional asshat, and there is no way Bella would give him the time of day. Remember? She promised to NOT go visit her friends so that she wouldn't have to see him, because SOMEBODY in your relationship is insecure. Now quit whining for the love of God! I miss Rose, but I'm not sitting in an airport full of humans crying like a spoiled brat! Haven't you ever heard that anticipation makes the sex even better?_

He snarled at me? Little fucker actually snarled at me!

"Hey Jazz? Got any tampons for Edwina here? He obviously forgot to change his before we got to the airport!"

"Nope. Maybe they have some in the gift shop?"

"Maybe they have Midol too. Those pesky mood swings of his are horrible today."

"Maybe we should just crate him and let him travel in the cargo hold so we don't have to listen to his stupid ass whining and crying anymore?"

Since Doucheward was snarling at me again, I thought that sounded like an absolutely CAPITAL idea. I grabbed the runt and was heading off to look for a crate with him struggling and cursing under my arm when Jazz stopped me.

"Em! I wasn't serious. He'd rat us out to mom and dad and Bella. Not only would mom be pissed, but our wives would be too."

"FINE!"

I dropped Eddie without any warning. His normally flawless vampiric balance and reflexes failed him and he ended up sprawled on the floor at my feet, looking like a cat that'd just been dunked in the bathtub.

Jazz and I both gaped in shock at him, but then Jazz started giggling. Once he started laughing, his mirth overtook all three of us. We had to look like a pack of loons; one guy on the floor, pissed off looking but laughing and two more standing over him laughing fit to be tied. Jazz started trying to reel it in, but then he got a text and started laughing even harder.

"Alice saw what happened, and she said Bella and Nessie are almost having hysterics on the plane from laughing so hard. Sorry Eddie… your girls think your face plant was hilarious!"

Is he… pouting? I don't think I've ever seen, or heard of anybody else seeing, a vampire POUT before. Even Ness hadn't pouted once she'd passed her infant stage… she had more dignity than that!

"Reel it in, Emoward! God Jazz, how do you handle the massive waves of angst that roll off of this one daily? I'd lose my fucking mind if I had your talent."

**EDWARD**

I picked myself up off the floor and stalked away from my asshole brothers. They just didn't get it. They were OK with being away from Rose and Alice because their wives were happy to be going. I knew my wife hadn't wanted to go, and was bullied into it. She hadn't said anything negative regarding the trip after the day I'd gotten the girls to back off her about her clothes, but she was tense and irritable and quiet. She was barely speaking to our daughter and she still wasn't speaking to our sisters as of this morning when they'd literally dragged her on their plane.

I was sure that by now they'd broken her out of her silence, since she hated anybody to be upset or not having a good time on her account… but she was going to be miserable and nobody was there to make sure she got time to put her head back together. The girls would drag her from design house to runway show to party and back, not caring she'd rather see the cathedrals or find a quiet park to read in. I could easily believe it of Alice and Rose, they'd always tended to try to use Bella as their own living dress up dolly and not take her feelings into account. I still couldn't believe Nessie had gone along with all of this, for her to disregard her mother's feelings so completely was shocking and frankly disappointing to me.

I knew my brothers were upset with me, and I wasn't happy to be ruining their trip… I just knew I wouldn't be able to relax unless I heard directly from my wife that she wasn't completely miserable. I hoped once everybody was out of the air I would be able to at least talk to her for a few minutes so that I could get my head in the game before my brothers took it off for me. I hoped Alice would see that I needed to hear from Bella and have her text me, but I sincerely doubted Alice would be trying to do me any favors right now.

The girls were all extremely peeved with me at the moment because I had followed through and had a talk with Jacob regarding Nessie's wardrobe choices for this expedition. He, in turn, had repacked her luggage and stood guard over it all night so Rose and Alice couldn't repack it for her. He had also gone to the airport and personally checked her bags so Alice couldn't pull a switcheroo on him.

Nessie had made another attempt at threatening me with "newlywed sex", but I'd reminded her that she wasn't speaking to Jacob either, and that if she'd meant somebody else Jake would happily dismember them. She'd given the both of us nasty glares then stomped up to the boarding gate without saying goodbye.

Jake had ignored her pout. He waved cheerily and yelled, "Bye, Babe! Have fun and take a picture of the Leaning Tower for me!" before telling the three of us guys to have a good trip and then heading home. He was looking forward to two weeks of having the house to himself as Carlisle and Esme had offered it for his use while everybody was gone and he wanted to play Halo without my brothers' constant interruptions.

 _EDWARD! Are you gonna pout forever or are you gonna put on your big girl panties and deal with it?_

I rolled my eyes at Emmet.

"Em, if Rose was absolutely miserable would you be happy?"

"Dude, seriously… you can chill with the melodrama. They took her shopping, not to a beheading."

"You've known my wife for HOW long, Em? Which do you think she'd prefer?"

"OK, so Bella hates shopping, and you hate being away from her. You don't see me or Jazz or the Pup whining and bitching do you?"

"Is your wife going to have fun shopping?"

"Yeah."

"Is Jasper's wife going to have fun shopping?"

"Is the Pope Catholic?"

"Is my daughter going to have fun shopping?"

"Yes, Emoward. What is your point?"

"You three know your ladies are having a good time. I know mine is going to be miserable. Makes it hard to be chipper, Em."

"Try. For the love of God, please at least try. Jasper is ready to yank your head off as it is."

"I am trying. You guys just leave me alone until we land so I can get my head together, OK?"

**JASPER**

When Emmett came back over and dragged me halfway down the concourse so he could talk to me without Edward hearing us, I assumed it was bad. Instead, he basically asked me how I'd feel if Alice had been dragged to something she hated to do and forced to wear sweatpants while doing it. Would I be happy knowing she was miserable? Hell no.

OK, fine. I got it. I agreed with Emmett that we'd lay off of Edward until we touched down in Australia. Hopefully by then he'd get some communication from Bella letting him know she would survive her ordeal so he could loosen up. We had two layovers and about 14 hours in front of us, if he couldn't get his head on straight in that amount of time I'd probably just have to lethargy him to death. Maybe I'd lethargy him into unconsciousness on the plane. It wouldn't last long, but the 30 or so minutes of respite from his foul mood and whininess would be worth how drained I would feel afterward.

We heard our boarding announced and jogged back down the concourse to join Edward. When he saw me he put both hands up in a gesture of surrender and smiled, letting me know he was trying. I smiled back and shot him a dose of calm. He closed his eyes and rolled his shoulders.

"Thanks, Jazz. I really did need that."


End file.
